I am bedridden. Perhaps that is an oversimplification of the situation, but bottom line is I am in bed at 8pm writing my blog because it hurts to stand. I have struggled greatly with my health as of late. I am struggling mentally as well, because I just learned that my mechanic who lives a few houses down from me had a widow maker’s heart attack. That has me on edge and considering my own failing heart health. I do not wish to die any time soon. I do not wish to die at all. Though I recognize the inevitability of such things, I am not powerless in prolonging my life. Why do I feel that way then? Why do I continue to search the medical sites I find through google for heart disease information. If I trust this research, I have dilated cardiomyopathy. That same extended research suggests that if I am already in the stages of Congestive Heart Failure, “A 2016 study estimated that about half of people who develop heart failure live beyond 5 years after being diagnosed.”
So, five years.
Maybe my apathy is about the realization that this is a reality I need to accept and deal with in some meaningful way.