Month: April 2020

I watched Yesterday last night. It was decent. The fictional portrayal of Ed Sheeran by Ed Sheeran was less than compelling, and that was a big part of why I watched–to hear him sing. Anyway, this isn’t about the film but about a line in the film that struck a cord. The female lead, Elle, has a moment where she tells the male lead not to go back to teaching. She argues that teaching will sap all of his creativity. He will give that energy to his students and thus have none left for creation. That line was an uppercut. It floored me. I’d never realized until that moment how much creativity is lost on this compartmentalized existence I continue to choose as my life.

I refuse to bore the audience (or overshare) by revealing what I am tasked with on a daily basis. I won’t tell you how many balls I juggle other than to say enough that if a few drop it isn’t really going to stop the show. On the other hand I will note that I am not writing my novels at present or even my short stories. Those balls were dropped in service of other things. In other words, the line was prescient of my situation and I am thankful for the fresh awareness.

At some point in the very near future I need to decide who and what I want to be. I recognize that I’ve taken on far more than I should and the fact that I have that ability to do so should not mean that I actually do so. I gotta leave enough in the tank to be the writer I believe I was born to be. Much of my self doubt and inability to produce stems from not giving myself the time and space to produce. I was chatting with a writer the other day about this expectation that Covid Season would be writing season, but isn’t. We both lamented about the inability to produce at a higher rate and the stress of the situation limiting our ability to write. He does this full time and he is feeling it. I’m working and being pulled in a half dozen directions on top of feeling it. That tells me I have a really high ceiling for being a writer if I just sit down and unleash that creativity in the direction it was intended.

I believe it is time to put together a financial plan for doing just that.

The news sucks. And now some thoughts…

No, kidding. It does suck though. The polarization of the news is building to a fever pitch as each ‘side’ struggles to both rally their base and create the illusion their base is larger than it actually is. On the Fox side the site has simultaneously fired the only black people and focused in on creating the impression that Biden is a rapist. He isn’t. While there may be some validity to the sexual assault claim, the notion of penetration has been legally dispelled. I do believe he pushed up on this woman in an effort to get her to hook up though. Does that disqualify him? Let me put it this way: The party that is firmly behind the man who literally said, “Grab them by the pussy” is creating a stir because they believe Biden actually did.

Don’t get me started on the GoP. In short, they don’t care about facts. They just care that they win. Hopefully they wont. That is all… Except for…

Some Thoughts:

1. Amazon is about to premiere a series about a digital afterlife. Yeah, it is about that time. We are legit moving towards that post reality and I am feeling it.
2. Would I do it? I do not believe the uploaded version of self is actually self. I believe that it is only a copy of ‘you’ and the chemical memories you and I all hold within us constitute us. I worry about death–the absence of existence–but I don’t believe the uploaded me is actually going to be me. Unless the whole show is a simulation to begin with.
3. Dreama Walker does in fact do a good job as the starry-eyed sweet Indiana girl in Don’t Trust the B in Apt. 23.

I watched my kids gathered on the edge of the couch watching Mr. Fresh Asian score kill after kill on his way to what would be a loss. They cheered him on and I was reminded of watching Jordan in the 90’s, of the way my birth dad would pour himself a half glass of orange juice and backfill the rest with Vodka, sipping down the concoction as he told me about how good Jordan actually was, and how the people around him were there to fill a role. I just watched Jordan.

I was enamored by the individual performance. I wanted to be him so desperately that it hurt just thinking about the way he changed minds and lives. I didn’t want to play basketball. I saw myself as the Jordan of the football field, in spite of not even lacing up cleats until years later when I was in college and all the athletes were as talented as I was, as fast as I was, and much more polished. I don’t think Mr. Fresh is Jordan. I’ve watched the kid play and he is quite good–amazing even. Still the parallels to how his actions spur kids to action are haunting. Kids want to be like Fresh or like Ninja or any number of these youtube sensations. The internet has opened doors to possibility and part of that possibility is the birth of a new kind of sport.

eSports is a real thing. Right now NASCAR has fully embraced the sport out of need. While drivers cannot drive in RL, they can drive virtually and the Tv can cast the races and the fans can watch and the advertisers can pay everyone’s bills. eSports have been real for some time but the pause of physical sports have opened the door to individuals being able to view eSports as a legitimate alternative.

The show ended and the kids wandered off to their rooms to play the same fortnite they watched and hopefully encounter one of these Youtube heroes on the field of play. This is the new way, thanks in part to Covid-19, but in a very real way it was always inevitable. The eSports revolution is here and we are tuning in by the millions.

I cannot believe I am writing this, but I believe we need to protect Donald Trump. This man is in so for over his head that it is impossible for him to get this thing right. The question remains: how wrong is he gonna get it, and what it that going to cost our nation–nay our reality–in lives and way of life?

I get it: The Republican machine delegitimizes democratic rule and believes they have a handle on Trump. They don’t. The man just told the CDC to look into injecting light and disinfectant into the human body. Publicly. This man said that out loud on live TV across the globe. In an era where there is very little to no live TV, you bet your ass people were watching. Some were likely stupid enough to try this method. At least companies like Lysol thought so and issued a warning immediately. Now he is saying he was being sarcastic and making fun at a reporter’s expense. Yeah, well that may be scarier.

Let me be clear: This is not the time for the president to be sarcastic. Therefore the excuse and the entire platform of spin built around it is bullshit. Yet, we know the GoP will defend him to the bitter end. Therefore, we need to save this man in order to save ourselves.

At some point early in the administration’s reign someone stepped up and said they were trying to placate this president in order to preserve the nation. We need to get back to that mentality–at least temporarily. He is proving each day that he is not fit to lead, but there have to be a few decent people left in the room who can steer this from the shadows. We need that now and we will continue to need it through the end of the term.

Look, I know the deficit is the worst in history by a lot. I also know that nov matter what the GoP will blame it on dems. That is a given, so let’s just accept the inevitable and try to fix this mess on our own anyhow. We cannot wait till the office is held by a sensible person. We do not know if that will happen soon or ever. We gotta find away to exist and to do right within the boundaries of this messed up reality.

I don’t have a whole lot left in me as a potent cocktail of allergies and lack of sleep have certainly taken their toll. However, ten minutes are owed and as such are delivered. What is there to say? I am moving on from the handful of contract writing I’ve been doing and turning towards a novel I had shelved. It is not sci fi. It is a sort of fantasy that takes place in a world that has seen the creation of dirigibles 1000 years before they really were created. Or so I assume.

I am trying to create a world built on non-european cultures. Too much of fantasy is medieval, and I want this to resonate as something different and unique and driven by relationships that are far more unexpected. I intend to pursue castes and other such things. I fully intend to publish this on the amazon platform on my own–no agents for this work. I just want to rock it out and let it do its thing.

Yet another night of me sleepily slapping at keys in hopes of something to say. Covid season is upon me.

I never thought the Giants would pick A. Thomas. Like, why? Seriously, why? They picked the OL that was ranked #4, though they did do the homework on 1-3? Can we posit then that the Giants knew more than they let on about the OL? Perhaps they suspected the others would be busts or not as good of a fit? Lord knows? Lord also knows why they didn’t take who the Cards took–Isiah Simmons. This is going to be a huge miss. I have stood by my team and their choices for years. I believe in them, but I am having doubts right now with this pick. I’m not abandoning the squad as I did with the Jets (that QB pick was absolute trash and they refuse to admit it). I will stand by the Giants and hope and wish that this was not a mistake.

Coach Judge thinks it was the right move, claiming it will allow Jones to play with more confidence. I hope he is right. I really hope this is the way to go.

Some Thoughts:

1. This is more or less the first live TV I’ve seen in since the Pandemic hit. It was interesting to watch live tv again and see how everyone is adjusting to the stay at home life. It makes me wonder how long we stay like this.

In a real draft teams have 10 minutes to make their selection. In this new Mock, I will be making all 32 predictions in ten minutes. Here we go:

1: Bengals: Joe Burrow, QB
This is a no brainer. He may not have all the physical tools of a prototypical QB, but he knows how to win with talent around him and he has composure for days. Burrow earned this spot.

2: Washington: Chase Young, Edge
Edge is what you need to win with defense these days and all the buzz is on this young dude. He is a stud and will live up to it… eventually.

3: Chargers: (trade with detroit) Tua T, QB
I don’t really believe Tua is all that, but Chargers are building around the idea of a QB like him. They won’t let Miami have the chance.

4: Giants: Isiah Simmons, LB
Yes, we need line, but Defense wins championships. Besides, there is pretty decent depth later in the draft and we can develop these folks.

5. Miami: Justin Herbert, QB

6. Lions: J. Okudah, CB

7. Panthers: Jerry Juedy, WR

8. Cardinals: Tristan Wirfs, OL

9. Jags: Derrick Brown, DT

10. Browns: Jedrick Wills, OL

11. Jets: Mekhi Becton, OL

12. Raiders: Jordan Love, QB

13. 49rs: CeeDee Lamb

14. Falcons: Javon Kinlaw

15. Broncos: Justin Jefferson

Dang, I only got through 15…

I’ve been absolutely about Minecraft lately. I started a new world in the beta called, of course, Betancourt Manor. The idea was to build a single house in the world and from that do all of my questing. I wanted the house to be a cool and fun design merging all of my traditional crafting ideas as well as having a massive secret space deep beneath the mansion straight up Batman style. I’ve made considerable progress on the Batman stuff (more coolness is required down there) and the best part so far has been the zen it provides me as I craft and listen to stories.

Admittedly, crafting and listening is a lesser form of creation than just writing, but as I reflect I recognize that I am unfocused and more than a little ‘off’ and needed this. I let the Covid stress get to me. It wasn’t fear of getting sick but worries about being a good lover and being a good partner and being a good dad. I let this deep and close contact get in my head and rob me of any sense I had of creativity and balance. I didn’t handle it nearly as well as I believe I could and I retreated into the Minecraft world where I had nearly absolute control of everything around me.

Minecraft is a useful escape and I’ve used it as such. However, writing is also an escape. When I fall into the words I get the same rush as with crafting, only the high is better and purer and longer lasting… and harder to obtain. I was taking the easy high, and more and more I see that in my kids–taking the easy way vs. the tougher more meaningful route. I need to be an example in all that I do. Balancing crafting and writing and working and training is a huge part of that.

Some Thoughts:

1. Week has gone by very fast and very slow at once. Tomorrow is Wednesday and I cannot believe it came so quickly. However each day has felt long in a good way.

We are getting right into it today, because I do not have a cohesive thought today. I am on the outside swing chair just straight up chillin and working. I’ve observed a number of disconnected but interesting facts over the course of the day and they are below for your perusing pleasure…

1. While water often tastes better when cold but is it better for you when not cold? This site says no. This site suggests that colder is better.
2. That led me down the rabbit hole to race based medical sites, which are in fact a thing. Pigmentation ought not decide health standards and practices but I think they are being more pragmatic than that. Race is often aligned with place and economics, which generationally impact health and eating habits. So, yeah. race matters. Ask Covid.
3. Today is the day I finally knock out the project I’ve been working on for—e-v-e-r. I finished the main body of the work last week but this last 1500 is getting done post blog.
4. Lots of new energy lately, because I am still riding that arganine high and I’ve dug into the beetroot powder as well. I want the blood pressure down and the brain blood back. Seriously, I am hopeful that better blood flow means more mental energy.
5. The Lab i’ve been building in the backyard is ending its usefulness cycle for the next 4-5 months. It is already 106 in there midday. I don’t expect it to get any colder. I need to get power to the space and fast.
6. The higher temp also means that it is close to swim season! Just dope.

I started a search on how people feel when their blood pressure goes down and the blood vessels start opening up again. I’ve been getting pretty good readings for the first time in a long time and I don’t entirely know how to feel about it. I feel like I can feel again. It feels though the blood is moving through my system and saying, “hey, what’s been going on in here?” Which could point to other health issues, but I am not so sure about that. Instead I am going to focus on improving my physical health and getting down to a weight where this will not continue to be a problem. This is not an easy task at my age (or any age, but especially not over 40). However, I feel pretty good mentally about the work to come.

Meanwhile, I’ve been having the Jordan debate with my now-thirteen year old. He’s at that age where you can list facts and figures, show videos, side by side comparisons, and even interviews from people and he will just blink twice and say, “yeah, but I don’t feel like any of that is real.” He’s basically a Trump supporter at this point. The debate isn’t even whether or not Jordan is the best but if he should be in the conversation with LeBron. Of course, he should. However, there is this youtuber he trusts that says otherwise, so he’s gonna go with that guy just to stake out a position that is different from the masses. It’s fine. I’m refusing to engage. Once people disconnect from reality and reshape language and argument purely to push their own point all that can be done is disengagement.

Speaking of disengage… That’s a clean 10