Day: April 29, 2020

I watched Yesterday last night. It was decent. The fictional portrayal of Ed Sheeran by Ed Sheeran was less than compelling, and that was a big part of why I watched–to hear him sing. Anyway, this isn’t about the film but about a line in the film that struck a cord. The female lead, Elle, has a moment where she tells the male lead not to go back to teaching. She argues that teaching will sap all of his creativity. He will give that energy to his students and thus have none left for creation. That line was an uppercut. It floored me. I’d never realized until that moment how much creativity is lost on this compartmentalized existence I continue to choose as my life.

I refuse to bore the audience (or overshare) by revealing what I am tasked with on a daily basis. I won’t tell you how many balls I juggle other than to say enough that if a few drop it isn’t really going to stop the show. On the other hand I will note that I am not writing my novels at present or even my short stories. Those balls were dropped in service of other things. In other words, the line was prescient of my situation and I am thankful for the fresh awareness.

At some point in the very near future I need to decide who and what I want to be. I recognize that I’ve taken on far more than I should and the fact that I have that ability to do so should not mean that I actually do so. I gotta leave enough in the tank to be the writer I believe I was born to be. Much of my self doubt and inability to produce stems from not giving myself the time and space to produce. I was chatting with a writer the other day about this expectation that Covid Season would be writing season, but isn’t. We both lamented about the inability to produce at a higher rate and the stress of the situation limiting our ability to write. He does this full time and he is feeling it. I’m working and being pulled in a half dozen directions on top of feeling it. That tells me I have a really high ceiling for being a writer if I just sit down and unleash that creativity in the direction it was intended.

I believe it is time to put together a financial plan for doing just that.

The news sucks. And now some thoughts…

No, kidding. It does suck though. The polarization of the news is building to a fever pitch as each ‘side’ struggles to both rally their base and create the illusion their base is larger than it actually is. On the Fox side the site has simultaneously fired the only black people and focused in on creating the impression that Biden is a rapist. He isn’t. While there may be some validity to the sexual assault claim, the notion of penetration has been legally dispelled. I do believe he pushed up on this woman in an effort to get her to hook up though. Does that disqualify him? Let me put it this way: The party that is firmly behind the man who literally said, “Grab them by the pussy” is creating a stir because they believe Biden actually did.

Don’t get me started on the GoP. In short, they don’t care about facts. They just care that they win. Hopefully they wont. That is all… Except for…

Some Thoughts:

1. Amazon is about to premiere a series about a digital afterlife. Yeah, it is about that time. We are legit moving towards that post reality and I am feeling it.
2. Would I do it? I do not believe the uploaded version of self is actually self. I believe that it is only a copy of ‘you’ and the chemical memories you and I all hold within us constitute us. I worry about death–the absence of existence–but I don’t believe the uploaded me is actually going to be me. Unless the whole show is a simulation to begin with.
3. Dreama Walker does in fact do a good job as the starry-eyed sweet Indiana girl in Don’t Trust the B in Apt. 23.