Month: May 2020

Life is a beautiful journey. There are experiences that, at the time, seem minor but become everything. There are others that feel so difficult and once you’ve made it through to the other side you find that you value life so much more. There is misfortune and fortune and luck and the path of karma. All of these are aspects of a life well lived. I am living a life well. I have experienced so much, and I feel like my life is continuing to move towards a better and healthier place. I believe I have the chance–no the future–to be happy and it already started.

So tonight I present a few thoughts on the present moment…

1. Trump. He is living out his fantasy and good for him. Still, it is bad for so many more of us. I mentioned this article once before, I think, but I feel it is so telling of where we are as a nation. Shout out to George Packer for the words.
2. We went to the park for out usual workout and somebody turned the world back on. There were at least three different teams/camps on the upper fields as well as baseball teams practicing on the diamonds below. The truth is, I got used to having the space to ourselves. We are planning to go earlier tomorrow in order to get that space back.
3. Social distancing appears to be at a low. That is, in AZ at least. Short of Trader Joe’s no businesses have shown much concern that I can see.
4. It is different in Cali where the beach cams now look like this and this. It is a relative ghost town in comparison to how things were before.
5. Still, I want to be there. I want to go somewhere and enjoy the beauty of this world.

We are watching Poirot’s famous case ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ and enjoying each other’s company. I am blessed to have found my soulmate in this life–if you are inclined to believe such things. I do. I believe partners should fill in your empty spaces. They challenge you. They encourage you. They inspire you to reach new heights in both how you care for yourself and care for them as well. It is taxing. It chafes against the idea of living life solely for yourself, and thus further commits you to the community of two through sacrifice of community of one. This is a good thing, I believe. I also believe we, as a species, are social creatures who desire proper pairing. I believe myself to be properly paired.

And happy.

That matters, you know. In the end of our lives we ought to be able to say we lived life happy. We ought to be able to appreciate our situation and the people we surround ourselves with. I have put myself around good people, and I have put myself in pairing with the best person I know. That is enough.

Some Thoughts:

1. Feels like a fast ten this evening. Time moves so strangely in the time of Covid.
2. Is the time of Covid nearing its end? I fear not. I fear the relapse of conditions, because we are rushing back to normalcy without everyone fully accepting that this is not gone.
3. Still, I miss me some sports….

I have the best partner in the world. When Phoenix Comicon crashed and burned in a Covid Smog she stepped up and decided we would do it on our own at home. So, we are having a in-home comicon. Each of us and our kids are responsible for designing and running panels, movie screenings, or games. We are going to make it a multi-day events complete with costumes, so we can celebrate the start of summer per tradition. I am stoked…

Kind of..

See, given the freedom to be completely and awesomely creative I find that I have nothing. It is down to stealing one of two ideas: Marble Races (Thank’s Jon Oliver!) or Screen printing tees, because getting clothing is such a huge part of what we love about comicon. Presently I am researching screen presses and marble tracks. I would enjoy both, though I think the rest of the crew would prefer the tees over the marbles.

I have a few more original ideas, but they all feel incomplete. I wanted to have a screening of the first season of Robotech running in the background. I wanted to design a new game based on characters from comics and Anime. I wanted to do either a best superhero/anime throwdown or best team up panel. Still, none of this is entirely out of the box, and that is the problem. Where is my epic creativity? Is it done. Has it fled into remission as though driven there by the medicine of daily life and bad TV? Where are all the big ideas?

Tomorrow I intend to spend more time in deep thought, and draw from up in me something epic. I have a chance to make an epic moment happen, and it feels like I should not squander it.

Some Thoughts:

1. Saw a soccer team practicing outside in the nearby park. Looks like youth sports are nigh.

Work days just look different. I can say without question that I a more productive and more relaxed working from home than I am working in the office. There are a few factors at play there. Commuting, privacy and focus, when I work, and quality of breaks.

I am not a person who shies from driving, but I also recognize how long driving takes overall. I spend no less than two hours a day commuting on a normal workday. That is time I spend listening to audiobooks, NPR, and the radio, but it is time best spent straight up working. I can roll out of bed and into the home office in under a minute. Once in the work mode I can bang out the work quickly, because I am not distracted by conversations or other people in general. I’m given my space and I use it well. I get the work handled, and when I feel overwhelmed, I stop.

I stop and hang out with my partner. Or I craft. Or I play Apex. The beauty is that I can do what I want, reset in my fashion and go back to it. In fact, I am doing that right now….

Back to work!

I just finished a really well written and beautiful story called Pet by Akwaeke Emezi. The story takes place over a 48 hour period and the book does not have terribly many scenes. Instead we are taken on a journey through the world and lives of the character and it comes to life in such beautiful images that you forget that the story itself is not action packed. In short, the plot is no hero’s journey. It takes a few steps from start to finished. Yet I still felt fulfilled. I also felt bothered. I focus a great deal on plot and this is not that. More and more I discover that plot doesn’t have the value to readers that it once did. I can therefore argue that people are increasingly drawn to compelling characters and the voice that creates those characters.

Emma Donoghue’s Room comes in at 337 pages and, well, it takes place in a room. Still, there is more plot there than in Pet and somehow I felt closer to the characters in Pet through their moments than I did to the characters in Room who were experiencing trauma so vivid that it became a movie. Pet is unlikely to be a movie in the way that there are certain books and stories that Gaiman writes which will never jump to the screen. Those are the character stories. However, I want to find a way to do both. Can you tell a deeply character driven story but still have an extensive plot–a telling of events that are layered in significance building to a climax but also taking the character on a ride that has several powerful stops along the way?

I guess what I am saying is I am good at making up plots and decent at layering in twists and turns, but does any of that matter to readers as much as character? Plot is supposed to be what happens to characters, but in fact what we notice more is how they react to their world. Perhaps that is what we are trying to learn, experience, and even recognize of ourselves in our reading of them. That is not about plot. I believe it is time I grabbed hold of that understanding.

We are fast approaching the yearly trip to Cali and I am sad to say we are not going. It isn’t a done deal, but Cali is still under the level of lockdown that makes the beach unavailable and that there is the entire point. I have it in my mind to go somewhere, and so long as I can continue to work remotely, I do not care where that is–so long as it is fun. I am about the fun life right now (heck, always) and I am also about finding a new setting and inspiration from that setting. I am happy at home (heck, always) but I get that travel bug every summer.

I have that writing bug too. I am excited to get started on new projects and explore what stories I can pull from the ether.

Speaking of stories, Upload is pretty solid. I was on the ‘low expectations’ end of the spectrum, and I found that I was presently surprised by many aspects of the show and how it views the possible future. I enjoyed the cast as well. I did not enjoy the fact that it ends ten episodes in. What ever happened to 22 episode seasons. It feels as if most shows range from 8-12 these days.

If I spent as much time on real world stuff as I did on the Minecraft world I would be prolific… and in shape… and a better human overall. I suppose that is what separates my partner and I. She does. all the real world stuff and is a legend. I do all the Minecraft stuff and continue to eek on by in the real world. I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought to the recent renewal of my Minecraft obsession and the answer is clear: escapism.

I read enough news to get that the quarantine is a big deal and I carry that stress around like a middle schooler’s backpack. Yet I can escape into a book and a pickaxe and feel very removed from everything. Still, that is not the only thing about crafting that does it for me. The sense of accomplishment on the ‘craft is instant. I can see my work and quickly edit my work in a way that writing, teaching, etc. does not allow. It feeds into my zone of proximal development, keeping me there long enough that the rest of the universe can fade away… for hours.

Why can’t I make that true of the real world? A number of reasons. One is a lack of grounding. The Minecraft world is the same no matter where I am at. Outside of that I am nomadic. I have also lost the ability to really feel like I can get into myself unless I can settle for a while, and the way I live doesn’t allow me to settle long enough to actually feel settled, which is a problem. The more I experience it, the more I recognize the rollercoaster that this has become for me. I’m dealing and finding ways to deal better, but it has an impact. So, when I do settle, I settle into my partner’s arms and when I am not doing that, I settle the craft vs. trying to settle into a space. Perhaps I should try to better develop a space to settle into that feels the same no matter where I am–like the ‘craft, but in the real world.

Some Thoughts:

1. 8:14 on reopening day. Nothing has exploded yet… yet.

Once again I have to say this is stupid. Tomorrow Arizonan’s will cheerfully stroll back into the lives that many were anxious to get away from. The State will reopen, which means the Casinos and stores will reopen, and all of it without any additional testing. We are basically setting ourselves up for a resurgence. I suppose that is the human way.

We as a people are stubborn sheep who want to be led. We are also being led in so many divergent directions that we often wind up going in circles. Often we avoid going anywhere at all. Not in the Covid sense, but in the aimlessness of life sense. Too many of us operate without purpose.

Some Thoughts:

1. I am running the risk of becoming one of those too many.

This is a Covid-19 update, of course. The key though is the question: Should we be going back to sports any time soon? I don’t have an answer. I am being asked to coach a youth flag football program at the end of the month should we be allowed to do so. The idea is to keep the players fresh and ready in case we are running sports in the fall. I don’t know that we will be. I don’t know that we should be. My kid’s middle school cancelled fall sports and is considering what to do about ‘winter’ sports because of Covid-19 fears. Nevertheless, they intend to hold classes as normal. I understand that sports gatherings are large, but so are classes, and I fear that one does not offer that much more risk than the other. Yes, there might be a larger risk of disease communication in sports… okay definitely. It more risky by several factors, and as such we should limit action to bare essentials and protect ourselves and our families. That being said, I don’t want to. There’s the rub. I don’t want to and many people don’t want to, so there is going to be pushback.

Just yesterday I complained that we are not working to better ourselves as a collective species. Today I suggest this is still true and further suggest that individual selfishness may be the cause of a lot of that.

We don’t want to do what we don’t want to do. We don’t want to be uncomfortable. We want to cheer and have fun and do the things that make us feel better–even superior. Sports figure into all of that. I want to see my kids win. I don’t want to see them miss out on opportunities to play–to lose a year, if you will. However, I get it. Greater good. That doesn’t make it any easier.

Some Thoughts:

1. NFL is gonna happen (see above on selfishness)
2. In fact, NBA may find a way to finish this season with or without fans.
3. Again, it is too soon for this to be a thing. I am disgusted that there are baseball teams already practicing in AZ despite restrictions barely being lifted.
4. Honestly, training kids at home is dope. I just need to get better at planning out some of these workouts.

In March, revolving credit outstanding collapsed at an annual rate of 31%. I was part of that decline. I used my government cheese to pay off my corporate cheese, and I didn’t even thank Trump after. I mean, he is not actually the one to thank for any of this. Before I get myself on one of those rants I just want to say that all hope is not lost.

Most, but not all.

I’ve been quite the morbid soul as of late, thinking about how quickly humanity may be snuffed out. Gott’s Copernican Method suggests we have about 760 years or so left until humanity is done. He’s not the only one who suggests we won’t make it. Theoretical physicist Alexander Berezin has a first in, last out theory that argues that the first race to manage intergalactic travel will kill everyone else in self defense. This is very not Star Trek. Yet it is possible. There are a number of possibilities. One I find depressing and, well, current, is the Great Filter theory in which most species wipe themselves out before achieving extra-planetary expansion. How? Why? Because we tend to poison our environment, or our environment poisons us in self defense. We might be seeing that now.

Whatever it is that is happening to us goes deeper than a virus. We are hyper-polarized/Hyper-partisan and driven only by the desire to have more wealth and thus power. We are not a global society that is about functioning together to create a brighter future. We just want our slice and our bling. That is not a long term plan.