Day: July 7, 2020

Yesterday was a low point. I took a nap in the middle of the day, which on it’s face is not a bad thing, but combined with the lack of energy or motivation to write and the missed daily deadlines… I got burned out. These are my partner’s words, not mine. They work for the situation. I don’t like that they work, but they clearly reflect the situation I was in last night. Heck, I couldn’t even type (not doing much better today, btw…) or even think rationally about my stories.

So, today is a new day and a new start (and a new year on the Talis calendar–have you ever considered the arbitrary start and end dates for years?). I am not 100% and likely will take a few days or week of vacation soon, but the point I am trying to make is, I am going to get back on my grind today.

I think the missing link is exercise. I have not been doing too well with that side of my life as of late. My body hurts from aches and bad sleep and trying to move stuff around to create this new office space. I am out of shape, old, and facing the quickening decay of my physical faculties without really trying to slow things down with aggressive exercise. I see me, and I am still not doing a thing about it.

This is not one of those depressive blogs where I am telling you I am at the end of my rope (read: NASCAR rope), but one where I am purely self reflective about the state of my health and how (poorly) I’ve reacted to that thus far. It feels very American/European to see the problem and decide, “meh. It’ll get handled.” when I am clearly the one person who has the task of handling it. Instead I am focused on a rather senseless quest to complete a slew of Apex Legends challenges in order to… make enough game cash to buy the $10 game pass for next season… Writing it down reveals a certain stupidity of purpose.

I ought to get back to Minecraft where I am actually exerting creativity.

Well, that was 10 minutes of… something.

Last month I took a stab at building stories that talked about a world where Covid and the awakening to racial injustice were just two of the three things about to happen in this world. Each of the stories addressed the 3rd thing that could happen. I never would have imagined Trumps awful and country dividing speech. We have truly slid into a darker place than I thought possible and this is only getting worse.

Some Thoughts:

1. Some days I just do not feel it. I spend more time trying to remind my fingers how to type than typing and it drags me out of a writing headspace. Occasionally this amplifies any negativity I have been feeling swell around me. This is such an occasion.
2. I don’t know why I have days where I cannot type words properly or find the keys. I believe it has to do with headspace and being in a good one is far more beneficial than (in spelling the word ‘then’ I twice misspelled said word –and mispelled misspelled twice) where I am right now.