Day: April 3, 2023

I think this is what a mid-life crisis feels like. Supposedly I’m in the window–40-60. I also feel like I am at the beginning of the crisis when I am recognizing this existential dread of knowing there is an end coming (before your thirties I don’t think you can really fall into that understanding without some major medical crisis) and I am not done with living or even have lived nearly enough. I am seeking body change as a start. I am seeking a way of extending the time on the clock as much as possible, because I want to live more life and do more things and experience more of this lovely planet. I haven’t quite shucked the idea of living forever, but it feels more and more alien to me nowadays.

I also am truly exhausted by my daily life. I don’t care about the banality of most things. I try to escape into virtual worlds, thus creating a secondary banality I can only tolerate for so long and in so many ways. What I want are experiences that shatter the rote of meetings and people talking in circles or about nothing for hours. I’m rescued by what I teach because I am surrounded by smart and interesting creators. Outside of that space, squat. Seriously, I teach only for the students. I don’t have the cares I used to have for building community with my fellow faculty.

This is all part of that crisis. I need more. I need something else. I need change. I need to be a full time writer and slide into the work every day without the mental distractions that plague me.

I walked into the gym today and immediately realized I didn’t know what the hell I was doing there. I didn’t have a plan or a routine or even a basic clue of what machines I wanted to use. I had no prayer of being successful because I wasn’t even set up to know what that ought to look like Day 1. So, I lifted on two machines, speed walked half a mile, and I left. That was it. That was my big start. That was trash.

I used to be in pretty good shape back in the late 90’s. thirty years later I’ve accumulated so much body fat that I am needed to lose 30 lbs just to get my blood pressure under control. I believe I can do it–at least I want to believe. I just don’t have the plan on how. So, research.

I’ve consulted Chat GPT, of course, and it drummed up a decent routine. However, I am not a single source individual. I want the best of the information I can find to inform a plan that works for me. This research is what I am beginning today in order to get to a place where I can be more effective the next time I am in the gym.

The Bottom Line is this: I need to be giving an hour to stretching and moving and getting my heart rate up. I need to sweat and through that burn off this stubborn belly fat. I need to do this if I want to live. If that isn’t enough motivation, nothing is.