Month: May 2023

I haven’t written one lick in Tokyo. I haven’t sat down and made the time for it. This is a vacation, so writing does take a backseat, but it is basically hanging on to the roof rack like a bad action movie chase scene. So, I’m left with the connundrum of do I take the laptop on the next leg of this adventure or leave it and the words here in the hotel room. I think…. Therefore I’ll write.

Some Thoughts:

1. The above is an important step/choice to make. It matters to decide that writing is important enough to take time out for no matter where you are. That is core to being a writer. I used to travel alot and I remember many nights coming back to my room after a conference and scrawling out a few solid paragraphs that put me back in the mindset of the story I was channeling. It is healthy and good for me.. and worth of few extra CM of space in my bag.
2. On that note… I’m really considering buying a mac out here. I’d go in for a slim macbook air if I could find the right price. Of course, according to people who look into such things, they cost more here than in the US, so probably not. Maybe an Ipad or other such tiny portable that is workable as a writing device in cramped spaces?
3. That brings me to my final thought: Writing in cramped spaces has become harder for me. I think some of that has to do with the size I’ve grown to be, some of it posture, and some of it is about the reduced spaces on flights. All of that works together to make it more of a challenge, but I gotta stop dodging the challenge.

I’ve been studying the people in the streets of Japan. I love how different and interesting the culture is from what I am used to, and I am surprised by how much of American culture they find interesting, amusing, and often desirable. American fashion is big in places like Harajuku–specifically things related to Hip-hop and American sports. What caught me entirely off guard was the development of American styled and themed suburban enclaves. That isn’t what I expected from a proud and traditional people such as the Japanese, but with the power of the American media, what else should be expected. We are a culture that is infectious in a multitude of ways. Not all of what we spread is going to be postitive.

Some Thoughts:

1. Turns out I am past the point of wanting to take family vacations. They don’t feel good. They feel thankless and entirely about pleasing the kids without giving any real time or attention to personal want/need. I knew going into this trip it would be like this. It was designed to be like this, but I did not suspect I’d feel so empty and angry throughout.
2. I’m struggling with finding that balance and, especially, with finding that sense of self in any of this lately.

I believe that Science Fiction writers are future-tellers. We speak of possible futures from scientific and social perspectives. I am working on developing a Japanese heavy section of a once-Dutch Netherlands known as Little Roppongi. I’m excited because I am researching the existing Roppongi in person and learning how that transition to a transplant city might occur and why. This is an important part of the process. You cannot do these things happenstance–there always needs to be a reason for growth and change. I have a good one, but it won’t be shared until the new novel drops.

The process of creation is one that stirs me. I feel like when I write I am thinking in terms of what if, and taking that what if, often, in the worst possible direction. That is critical to a style of science fiction. It is not meant to be a cautionary tale, but one driven by the realities of capitalism. I live in an extremely capitalistic culture and that is being repeated in spaces across the globe. Leaving North America shows me the world is not all like that, but it also shows me the lure of USA culture beyond our borders. Why else would there be a Denny’s in Japan?

I am excited to keep traveling and learning and applying this understanding to my future-telling through my work.

Some Thoughts:

1. Going to move the waiver wire back to thursday this week, because it feels like the NBA draft is the thing to talk about and the lottery happens sometime today after this post… I think.

I constantly struggle with rationalizing the concept of turning back the clock with always forward. They cannot successfully coexist, which leads me to a more kernel understanding of aging gracefully. Here are the facts: I’m not going to run a 4.3 forty ever again. I’m not going to be a marathon man ever at all. However, I can see myself in a 5k. I can see myself running a 5.3 forty (heck, Rich Eisen ran a 6.22 at 53 nd he’s not all that athletic looking). I can rationalize growing old and growing into a shape and athleticism that fits being a man in his late forties. I need that. I need to find a way to move forward into who I want to become and not have to abandon the idea of who I was and who I wanted to be. All of those ‘selves’ are stages of life and are impacted by the life that happens across those stages. How many of us actually have the benefit of becoming precisely who we thought we would be. Moreover, how many of us have the ability to roll back to the person we believed we were at the time. Hindsight provides perspective that being in the moment and moving towards the moment never could.

Today I walked alongside the Sumida river thinking about these things and thinking that never once in my life did I think I’d be walking along the Sumida river. Yet here I am, and here I am walking at five in the morning because walking is what I do every morning. Growth is a journey, and I appreciate being on it.

Some Thoughts:

1. Never try to blog after a 12 hr flight… You saw the results.

I’ve been up since 2 AM yesterday and that means I am a bit loopy at present. There used to be a time where, aided by Mountain Dew, I would do this every weekend. We’d play one RPG or another–mostly Marvel Superheroes and structure eleven hour combat sessions I never wanted to end. Well, until I won and then they could end. I miss roleplaying games, which is why I am so excited to go to GenCon this year and roll a few dice. I’m due.

I’m not cut out to be a horror writer. Honestly, I have never tried. I simply don’t think I can do it. I don’t like attempting the creepy in the way horror writers seem to be very good at. Now when I say horror writers I’m not talking screenplay. I feel like there are precious few scripts that scare you and if they do they get ruined by directors. Maybe at one stage Hereditary was good, but you can visibly se the moment the director broke the very thing he wrote. It slips into a kind of kitch that is very predictable and rote. Cheap and easy scares if you will.

I think I’m better suited for action and loss. I’m good at writing about the things I can interpret as opposed to reaching for horror when my own real life experiences with the. So-called supernatural felt so basic and real and terrifying that to cover them with a jump scare would be disgusting. Horror is written with a matter of fact simplicity that makes you at once realize the gravity and terrifying alienness of that moment though the eyes of the victim. I am so impressed when a writer pulls that off.

Some thoughts:

1. Apropos of nothing, the Suns fired their coach.
   
2. I always thought the bidet came from Japan. Not sure that’s true anymore… or how to use the thing.
3. perhaps all good writing comes from pain. We writers must suffer to have the fuel to tell people what suffering is like and why they ought to avoid it.
   
4. thinking this blog may blossom soon. Ought to get better at writing it…

I believe in energy. I believe it moves through us and impacts us in ways we can feel and perhaps even see. I believe we channel it through ourselves; we guide it with emotion and the potency of our words. I am, by will, a happy and positive person—at least I used to be. I’ve struggled to feel good about myself and intend to struggle mightily in negative environments. Often on this blog I speak of the toxic nature of my living environment, of the neediness of half my kids and the laziness that infects them all. These factors and others weigh me down. All of this makes me feel like a bad father and feel bad about myself as an individual. However, all of this negative energy and negative thinking that drives that energy is making me a worse human. I see it. I feel it. I get sick more often, I’m fat. I struggle to pay attention and sustain workflow. I am doing this to myself. I know because I’m the same guy who used to be a beast of production and always happy and always coming up with new ideas.

I used to believe I could do that. Heck, I used to write better and deeper posts. So this one is about the why, and that why is energy. When I finally write the self help book ‘The Ten Minute Rule’ I’ll talk about how we are beholden to control and direct our energy towards the positive. There is no value to negativity beyond understanding how it contrasts with positive and how that contrast impacts you. Each of us have the ability to be our best or worst selves. Most of us vacillate in between because we don’t allow ourselves to control our energy and emotion. I’m going to learn how to do that. Then I’ll show you.’

I’ve been wanting to cross continents off my list for some time now, and while it isn’t a continent in its own right Japan counts as part of Asia. Add that to Europe, Africa, and North America I’m about to be a little less than halfway done. We are going to see Nippon and this represent a huge moment in my life and the lives of our kids. This is big. It is moving way past my comfort zone to try on an experience I once only dreamed possible. This is what living is supposed to look like: you try new stuff, keep pushing yourself, and you find out what makes you happy. In contrast I live more than half my life in a world of lazy satisfaction where the couch is the center of the universe and the world is piped in one youtube clip at a time. Yes, I play video games a lot, and that is part of the problem. Yes I contributed to a culture here that is downright toxic and borderline medically unsafe. However, what I helped to make I can also help to unmake.

I want this trip to be a step forward for everyone. I will do all that I can to make that into fact. I can only lead them to that step–they have to want to move forward like I want to move forward. They are excited the way I am and the way my partner is, so that is a healthy start.

Track season is over for my kid. He came in 9th in the D1 State Championships where only 8 advance to the finals. That 9th place time of 15.52 was not enough to advance to the top 18 (he was 21) of the open State championships this weekend. So he ends the year with a time of 15.10 in the 110h and 40.74 in the 300h, which is nearly a full second faster in the 110, and over a second faster in the 300 than last year. He did all of it just 8 weeks off a broken leg. So, I’m saying there is room for growth here. I believe he has a chance to break 13 and 38 next year with the proper training and rest. He’s emerging into the senior athlete he and I expected him to become.

His little brother is making his own waves, down to 11.99 in the 100m and setting school records in the 100h. He’ll be competing on the 20th in the youth state championships, so his season is not yet over. However, they are both entering summer practice for football together. They have not played together in years, and it is exciting to see them have the chance again finally.

Youth sports are about done. The last one is moving into high school, and I am excited to finally be able to watch that and feel like I am really just a fan while other coaches take the lead. It is time for that–long past time probably.

Some Thoughts:

1. Giants looking solid in the off-season. Still need to sign Barkley and possibly get a trade going for Isiah Simmons or Patrick Queen.. or both. If the Giants could secure those players for late round picks knowing they need to resign them next year, they could revamp the LB corps and turn the defense into something very hard to stop. Heck, throw in Chase Young who, when healthy, is a menace, and that’s three players who could put the G-Men in the #1 D spot.

Occasionally the day gets away from you and, by the time you realize you still have things to do, you lack the mental energy to do them. This is, in part, why I walk first thing in the morning (followed by a heavy dose of gaming). I should also write then, but I rarely do. Getting going is always hard for me. If it weren’t I’d be prolific. I say ‘always forward’ but I would love to get back to my college year’s production when I had so much less responsibilities and a much higher work ethic. I’m old and working on a reset. I believe I’ll get to a new level—a smarter level of productivity. It will take what my partner refers to as ‘balance’. Clearly I lack that as I am writing from my phone around 10pm.