Month: June 2023

My little brother is facing layoffs, which is a big deal for a man with two kids and a house payment. Not as a big deal as it would be if his wife weren’t (very) gainfully employed and he wasn’t quite brilliant with his money (and just legit brilliant). However, it set me to thinking about loss and life and how lucky we can be in these things. Reality, you see, is a crapshoot. The odds of being born (according to motivational speaker, Mel Robbins–who quotes someone…) are 400 trillion to one. So we probably lucked out by being born. We likely lucked out more by being born into an opportunity of upward mobility. Think about how many chances we have to do something–anything–that feels special or significant in our lives. Watch zeros fly on to those odds. The point is this: We are lucky, but what are we doing with that fantastic opportunity?

My bro is training himself daily. He betters himself and stays ready for opportunities. I have, over the course of my career as an educator, continuously blown my opportunity to make more money. I sit at the bottom of a payscale that offers me a chance to make 15,000 more than I am making today, but I won’t take the 36 credits I need in order to do it. That is a miss. That money would be real handy if I was on the verge of losing my position. My mental health would be better with a nestegg of 15K x 19 years to make me feel safe going into the future. The point is this: We have an opportunity to better ourselves, but without being hungry we rarely take advantage of what is out there.

So I need to learn how to grow from these missed opportunities, and be a better role model to all my kids in doing so. I watch them miss opportunity everyday. I watch them waste away in front of screens and never even care that it is happening. That is no way to be.

Listening to Veritasium on youtube I found myself falling back into the all-important idea of deliberate practice. This is something I thought about a lot as a coach. The idea is that you focus on small things in your craft and you deliberately do them minutely in order to master that part of the craft. In writing it is about pushing yourself to write outside of the box and training yourself to not fall into familiar patterns of creation. I experimented with this for a time on this blog. I would roll story dice and create a tale on the spot that included those story elements. Unfortunately, I stopped. Not only that but what I created was shaped from the style and substance of my past work with these dice-driven ideas functioning as a wrinkle. I want to get back to this core ideas of deliberate practice as part of (not so)freewrite Fridays.

Some Thoughts:

1. It is Waiver Wednesday, so I’ll take the rest of the time to talk about sports. I discovered today that my boys have played with two of the Elite 11 quarterbacks dueling it out to be seen as a top prospect in the nation. One of the two they played with is considered the #1 QB prospect in the nation. Back when he ran with them, he didn’t seem to be that top dog. In truth, he didn’t actually start for our squad. To paraphrase M. Jordan, He took that personally. Now he’s the guy and his little bro is next in line to be the guy. It makes me feel like my kids, who hung with these kids in practice, might actually be legit players. It also makes me feel like these national rankings are about hype and lineage. Both of the elite 11 QBs in question come from NFL stock. We’ll see this year how all of it pans out.
2. On that note, official summer 7s begin this evening for my Varsity kid while the incoming freshman gets to step on the H.S. field on Saturday to make his debut. He’s geeked about it. He’s also that shiny new(old?) type of player reminiscent of Prime time. He intends to wear a shiesty to the event. I’m sure his coach will love that.
3. Speaking of coaching, PHX just hired a few. They brought in Frank Vogel who locked up a pair of all-star assistants to round out his staff. First staff order of business? Cutting Chris Paul, apparently. I’m beginning to wonder about Kevin Durant. Wherever he lands, a quick roster dissolve follows…

Writing requires patience, dedication, and organization. None of these parts lead to success without the other two being fully operational. My personal Venn diagram suffers from a startling lack of dedication and organization, but I do remain ever patient. What I think I’ve learned from my patience, is that I need to stick to it more, and I need to be more organized on a daily basis. Lately, as I know I recently mentioned, I have locked in on a daily schedule that has me moving through tasks, checking them off, and returning to them the following day. It works for me. What I need to do now is dedicate myself to this level of organization and not go overboard or get too fancy or intricate. A simple hand-written list works. No tech needed. No fancy bells and whistles. I have made this mistake in the past. Once you start tinkering with a simple and easy to execute formula, the entire thing falls apart.

Some Thoughts:

1. Kid drove himself and his brother to school today. I followed to make sure everything was good with the 27 year old car he has. It was, though I want to look at those tires a little closer when he gets home. He did okay. Some issues on the highway, but he wasn’t reckless or speeding. He needs the practice. He will get it with these daily drives to school. It is a big moment for them all to be independent from me in this fashion. Loving it. Still, I am a dad and I worry. Let’s see how he does making it home entirely on his own.

I read a lot of fiction. Actually, to be honest, I listen to a lot of fiction. I haven’t read a book in years. This is worth correcting, because the reading experience is different than the listening experience. It is a mistake to rely on one form and abandon the other for the sake of multi-tasking. Mistakes are what this post is about. I realized a few minutes ago that I’d missed an extremely important meeting for a project I’m engaged in presently. I missed it because I had it on my mental schedule for Thursday, though I hadn’t written anything down. I am getting better at having and following a daily list, but I still make mistakes. I made the mistake of not writing down when the meeting was, and now I need to deal with the concequences of that failure.

Mistakes are a part of life. Mistakes are also a part of a cycle I find myself going through as I start to fall into a positive rhythm of work and success. It always ends up the same way. Part Imposter syndrome (which is why I wrote that last book) and part failure to maintain that rhythm. I know that I can do it if I keep myself driven, but often something happens that makes me fall out of step and things cascade from there. Generally the cascade part begins with me feeling like I failed everyone and then getting in my head about it to the point that I do fail. So, I am working on not falling into the trap of that first part where I feel like a failure and a Imposter. It is easy to feel that way when something goes wrong. It is harder to remember all the effort you put in to get to the level you’re at–how much you’ve earned the success and how much more you have in you. Mistakes are going to be a part of life, but you have to remember they aren’t the end of life as you know it.

Tomorrow I’m going to apologize for missing the meeting, explain the context, and get back to what I am really good at doing: Creating.

When I started this blog, I meant it to be a blog about writing and the writing life. Over the years it has shifted in and out of that purpose, more swirling around my life and thoughts and ideas than anything specifically writerly. I try to be as honest as possible in this space; only withholding names to protect the innocent and the guilty. I am honest about what it takes to be a writer and how I have failed or succeeded based on how hard I work and how lucky I am respectively. I’m about due for that luck to run out, and need to rely on actual BIC (butt in chair) to move up in the world to a larger audience and sharing more stories. I want to do this for the rest of my life, and in order to really be able to do so means striking a balance between work and play and coalescing the individually quartered elements of my life into one whole thing that rotates around the twin suns of romance and writing. This is the life I chose from the moment I took up pen (keyboard?) to write this blog, and I have experienced various levels of success and failure throughout.

One way I’ve failed is as a father. I have 5 boys and a girl–three of those kids are adoptive. It is that side of the family I’ve failed with, I think, most of all. They never embraced the way I love and for so many many years my role in their life has been a bit of a question mark that only my one girl seems to fit me into a category that is positive. Her motto is, “we have a relationship outside of you and mom.” and that is the differing factor between her and her brothers.

One way I’ve succeeded is as a Shadowrun writer. I’ve published more RPG books than I remember, and sold several novellas and now two novels. That is success. I do wonder what is next for me though? Will this next novel be strong enough for me to write more SR novels and feel good staying in that lane? I know I have many other stories to tell. My desire to work for Star Wars is legendary at this point. A brief conversation with my partner today led me to understand how much of a lateral move that is in terms of storytelling, with only the fanbase growing larger.

So I’m left to ask what should I do next? I need more fans. This blog is supposed to be that naked truth, so that is the naked truth. I need more fans in order to make enough money to tell the stories I cannot tell in shared worlds. I don’t have the fan base to sell my own world. It doesn’t mean I cannot write those stories, but I don’t believe I can sell them, and if I want this to be my full time thing, I have to be able to sell. This is all.

Some Thoughts:

1. The new(ish) Giorgio by Moroder memes are way on my nerves. I just want to hear the original hotness…

Just enough time left in the day to get this in. I’m at the Phoenix Fan Fusion (formerly known as Phoenix Comic Con) and having a decent time. There is a lot to see–a veritable feast for the eyes in terms of cool costuming. There is merch galore–more than I came upon during my brief time in Tokyo. I haven’t bought a single thing, and I have yet to find the perfect look beyond my day one Hogwarts professor look. I’m stoked about trying that one again tomorrow. I’m also stoked to see what I can pick up in terms of merch–specifically a look to add to my collection and a base for a future costume for a day 3 look. I additionally need parts to bring my jedi look to it’s full potential. The base blue suit has options, but I need better fabric when it comes to the robe, and I need pockets somewhere. Maybe a utility belt?

Overall, the con scene is fun and engaging. I haven’t had a lot of luck with panels thus far but I am getting to the point where I may want to try to run one myself. More research is needed to get there, though. This is my second stop on the spring/summer con tour. Last will be GenCon, and I am excited to see how that one plays out. I’m looking to learn more about other RPGs I may find engaging.

Some Thoughts:

1. I need to get better at when I write these posts because I am legitimately inconveniencing my partner here. It isn’t the first time.
2. How many times do these things add up until finally she’s had enough of me?

There is a house deep within the Aladusan forest where a woman dwells. None know her true name. All that is know is that she has been in that house for as long as the forest has stood. She is known as the Stonekeeper. Those who visit her do so only twice in their lives, for to visit more is to bring great misfortune.

To know the lore of the Stonekeeper is to understand your true self. On your first trip to this sacred place you must bring a stone. It cannot be too large of a stone, for she is old and appears frail, and must hold the stone for a time. On your journey you must keep the stone on you at all times less the magic find you untrue and fail. This has happened only four times, but those times were enough to promise the truth of the ritual, or the emptiness of the bearer.

When you arrive with your stone, knock twice and step away from the door. She will open it in her own time. When she is ready to recieve you, be courteous and answer all of her questions. Follow her ritual precisely. It is a simple thing that she asks, and the reward can be greater than all your imagination. She will ask you to spit on the stone three times. Then you must put it in a bowl she will retrieve for you. You will see many such bowls throughout her house. Once your stone is set, she will ask you to slice your hand and bleed upon the stone.

Then you wait.

I cannot tell you how long the wait will be. You will feel it end. It may be months or years. I waited seven years before my soul told me to return for my stone. When I arrived there was a crystal in my bowl, the size and shape of what I’d left. Others say they’ve received rubies and even diamonds. What will you get?

Is all writing formula? Surprisingly, nobody has ever asked me that question, but it is one I ask myself constantly. With methods like the 120 beats, the three act structure, the hero’s journey, the alchemical method, and more, it is easy to deconstruct stories and series and pick out the formulaic bits with ease. Obviously all writing is not formula, but so much of it i that when you see a thing that breaks the formula you notice it–maybe even call it experimental.

So, does that make formula a bad thing? Not really, no. Formula is a useful way to construct a tale so long as you are not sticking to the book step for step and you are telling character-driven stories that feature story worthy individuals who change over the course of your tale. Think of the formula as the backdrop on which the story is written, and feel confident enough to deviate when you see fit as a writer.

You can also look at formula as a way to figure out what is missing in a story that feels like it does have holes. I’ve been using the beats for this latest novel as a way to recognize what I am missing in it. There is definitely something missing, and I’ve been able to get on to the scent of what by going back through it and figuring out what beats I didn’t hit when I wrote it up initially.

That’s the last part: Write freely first. You will find that these formulas are often skeletal in nature and what you do naturally often fits neatly into their framework. This is why it is effective for me to go back and look at a beat sheet after the fact and fill in blanks. I’m not writing to the beats but using them as a way to understand structure and what readers unconsciously seek out in story.

I’ve been invited to the Madden closed beta for Madden 24 franchise mode, ostensibly as an apology for how badly I got screwed twice in losing franchises to a bug in the system. This is a positive step forward (and an easy one) for Madden, because it allows the people who love franchise mode and were most impacted by how crappy it is to provide serious feedback on the game mode as it is prepared for a new season. It also gives me one heck of a jumpstart on understanding any new mechanics to be developed. I want to love franchise mode. I want to have the experience of managing a team from an owner’s or General Manager’s (this is not an option as a stand alone mode right now, but it could be) perspective. I want deeper control in the draft process as well as in the contracting process.

All of this has me thinking about the NY Giants and the choices left to be made in real life. One huge choice is how to deal with the Leonard Williams contract, which ends after this upcoming season. I bring this up because the contract contains a void year, which, if you didn’t read the article at the other end of the link, means it isn’t a real contract but a cap hit that accrues regardless of whether the man plays for the Giants in 24 or not. If we don’t resign, we still have a 6 million dollar cap hit. If we DO resign, we have the 6 million hit PLUS whatever hit is based on the contract. This is a very difficult thing to work into a video game, but I wish they would try to do better with understanding and interpreting the cap stuff. Right now it is basic. It isn’t as bad as the draft stuff.

The draft stuff is basically what happened when EA’s NFL team got a hold of EA’s CFB team’s notes and copied them. The setup feels like college and doesn’t reflect the complexity of the NFL scouting system, how private visits (there are 30+) and other phases of the process work. I want it to work. I want franchise to actually feel like we are building something and how we choose to build truly impacts the game. I want teamwork settings. I want it to feel like I have a larger role in developing an organization than setting box seat prices and finding a 99 speed WR post draft.