I did get shit done. I did a better job with writing today than I have in weeks. I could call it the tail end of jet lag and generalized displacement. I can also say that I simply put butt in chair and manifested no longer screwing off. Both are true in degrees. It is also true that I am back to believing in what I can accomplish given willpower and the appropriate application of time. This belief is emergent, occupying a larger part of my dreamspace than it does my waking consciousness. In time, the two will merge into an unstoppable force of “I will” over “I should”
In the meanwhile, my urgency is being chased by nightmares. Dark ones. Usually involving swarms of bugs.
I don’t know what to make of that. I can no more shift out of these pits of darkness than I can fix the growing terror of WWIII. One thing I’ve realized from that swelling drama is that bullies are not good leaders. Trump’s cowardice is on full display as he tries to act like he’s running point in the Middle East. The facts are this: Netanyahu is doing whatever he damn well pleases and Trump absolutely cannot stop him. So, what is he going to do? Play along. Add US guns to the fight and say it was the plan all along. How is Russia going to respond? I have no idea.
This blog has rambled, shifted course quickly, and now downshifts to an explanation of why it seems like I cannot keep on a single course (train) of thought. I’m not really trying to. The strangeness of now is that there are too many things happening all at once and they are all disparate and they are all important in their own way and to their own audiences. Somewhere, there are a half dozen major sports finals and semi-finals taking place. There are also a half dozen major wars raging. Through it all, the only country I’ve ever known as home is falling completely a part.
This is, in fact, how a democracy dies. With applause, parades, and TikTok dances. At least I’m getting shit done on the way down.