8.208. Waiver Wire

I should’ve picked up Kendrick Bourne. I was about to do it. 5 minutes before the game started I opted to start Brian Robinson instead of dropping him for Bourne. The move cost me 20 points and likely the win in an otherwise winnable matchup. Now I am predicted to lose by 16, which would drop me to 2-3 and start me on another long climb towards playoff contention. Why didn’t I do it? I was hyper focused on the RB position. I though CMC would dial it back. I thought he might be hurt. I thought wrong. Now I find myself in the midsts of yet another losing fantasy season with a mindset that can only be described as defeated. Funny how sport mirrors life sometimes.

In other news, the High School kid is facing an 0-5 ALA-Queen Creek team that was in the Open Playoffs last year but has given up an average of 39 points a game while only scoring 20 a game. I still think DV gets blown out. The 2-3 Thunder simply are not a well coached team. The QB is a liability as is the defensive line. They’ve been in every single game and every time they lose it comes down to giving up run plays and a failure of the Q to move the ball and, often, turning it over in critical situations. This is a brutally honest assessment. My kid needs to play better. While he has turned the page in the last two games, he still hasn’t reached the level of game changing ability needed to score a D1 contract. He shows it in spurts, but to be on a consistently bad team that puts the defense in very bad situations, you gotta capitalize and make big plays. That is what I’m seeing from the defense my other kid helps anchor at the college level.

I am at the point where I am merely there to support the kid–not the team or the idea of the team. I tried that. I support the defense. I care about those kids out there, but when I see a coach refuse to make changes and put kids in bad situations again and again, that is not an offense I can support.

8.207.

Another night and another blog pushed out at the last minute. I am completely slipping. Tomorrow is a new start. I am going to get up, do a walk, and then get my stuff together. I need to lock in on a routine that is healthy and productive and has me feeling and thinking with positive energy throughout the day. I gotta stop surviving and get back to a place where I am actually productive and doing the thing I am on this planet to do.

I mean other than loving my wife and kids…

I am seeing obstacles at every turn and ghosts in the darkness I am having bad dreams and chasing bad ideas. I am doing everything wrong and precious little right. I am too old for it and it is not sustainable in the least. My goal, ultimately, is to be able to start the next phase teachign elsewhere and living a life with writing forward. I want to feel like I am making progress towards that and I want to feel like this phase is going to end well. All that is happening at present is me spinning my wheels. Nothing productive can happen without a strong foundation. I need to do what is neccesary to prioritize setting that foundation for myself.

Some Thoughts:

  1. Need to also get back to basics in terms of savings. That is a huge thing I have failed to prioritize. I am paying down debt, sure, but I’m approaching retirement and I am not close to ready. How do people do this?
  2. Thinking about reading some books. Not audio but actual print. Been a while since I’ve consumed a real book. Needs to happen soon.
  3. Don’t really have much more to say but a minute or less to say that…

8.206.

Decided to take a brief escape from the home and kids and the endless groundhog’s day that is that existence. We took the time to find some trees up north. I love the chance to get out in open space and enjoy a bit of nature. It is something I’ve always known, at least unconsciously. Now it feels like a lifeline. It isn’t the same to be walking amidst the desert landscape—even in a riparian. That space, those low-slung houses in neat rows, all of it is so far from peaceful that I cannot find any good in it.

When I walk at home I need to be going somewhere or find another way to transport myself away from the walk. If alone an audiobook turns the trick. If not, I try to get lost in conversation and forget where I am. This is how I survive.

I’m long past wanting to just survive.

Some Thoughts:

  1. Balance does not appear overnight. I’m trying to isolate the number of days in a week I focus on football. That means moving the wire to Mondays and making it a reflective piece. It lacks a certain alliteration but if I am going to do it then I need to do it on a day where I am still at least casually thinking about the game. Maybe I don’t do it at all…
  2. My love of the game is fading. Part of it is because I know how much the Lady dislikes it, so that reduces the joy I take in it. Part of it is because it is becoming all-consuming. Balance in all things.
  3. Yet I am still talking about it…
  4.