Trying to find my way into Zen after a 3AM wake up and seeing the lady Talis depart for parts known for longer than I care to consider. Imma be okay. I will be throwing myself into my work in lieu of sleep, which is a common refrain in times like these. I’ve grown out of being able to sleep well without my better half. It is something I feel deeply. It is also something I cannot dwell on because I cannot do anything about it. I am trying to find/discover a sense of serenity and focus. I am trying to discover a way to accept the things I cannot change so that I can focus on the things I can. This comes largely as a result of the awareness that as I age my body is degrading at a faster curve than previously expected. I am doing almost nothing to slow the decline and that is a problem.
Even cognitively I question if I am as strong and sharp as I was ten years ago. That is perhaps worse than the physical decline. I don’t want to lose what makes me me, and the mind is that. So, I gotta go to work on getting right and in shape and on track. Honestly, this is probably just a dip, but I cannot allow myself to think that way or that dip becomes a depression becomes the hole I fall into and never return.