I don’t even want to turn back. I was bowling a bit ago and felt my knee give. The pain that followed was a stark reminder that I am getting old. This is right knee that I overcompensated on for years after messing up the left one. So as a result, this is now the bad knee–so bad that I couldn’t get through two rounds of bowling with my fat booty. They say you should not negative talk yourself, and reading through that last sentence is evidence of why. Over the past year or three I’ve accepted myself as a declining human. I’ve accepted so many negative things about myself both mentally and physically that I don’t think I am even the same vibrant person that I was a decade plus ago. That man was drowned.
Now I gotta build a better me.
Day in and day out I need to be building a better version of myself. One that can get through a few rounds of bowling without near collapse. That is, as most things worth doing, easier said than done. Yet it is as I said, worth doing. It is worth becoming a better, more mindful, more centered, and more understanding person who doesn’t let himself be dragged along by the words and feelings and attitudes of those around him but is internally fueled by the love he gives himself and the pride in what he does. I knew a me like that a really long time ago. I remember him sitting on the floor in his mother’s living room dreaming about tomorrow. I remember his successes and his failures and how he grew from each. I remember how he taught himself things. I remember how he struggled to be better every damn day.
He had the blueprint. It still isn’t too late to execute that plan.