Thursdays I try to reflect on the self–not looking back like on Tuesdays, but a study of health and what it takes to be healthy from your forties to your fifties. I remember about eight or more years ago when I was just cracking into the 40’s a friend who was not doing so well physically told me it was time for both of us to get right. He did it. He became this buff god. He changed to the point where when his health condition caught up to him and he had a widowmaker heart attack, he didn’t wind up making a widow. Two other faculty members I know died this year. I was remarking to the Lady Talis today that maybe he was supposed to be that 3rd, but his choices put him in a better position. My position is not better. I weighed 240 last night, which is way more than my frame is built to handle successfully. I did spend the weekend walking around, and I walked again today, with a brief (no real effort) trip to the park on Tuesday.
None of it is enough. I realize that. I need to get back to walking every day and assuring that I am not the next faculty member to die because of a bad body. It is more than eating habits and exercise though. Stress plays a role as well. My life is teeming with stress moments. I’ve even put myself in bad positions by diving into games like Apex which can be fun but if you really let yourself get swept up, it becomes super stressful when you are not successful. I’m working on habits of mind to get me mentally right on a day to day basis, and trying to establish a daily life that prioritizes feeling good within my own skin and balanced to the point where I am taking time for myself and the ones I love.
All of this is progress of a sort. It isn’t the full picture, but I am making changes and inroads towards change. I want to live a long, healthy, and happy life.