I set an alarm on my phone to remind me to reach out to one of my sons in Japan. I wanted to make sure I wished him a happy xmas eve. Christmas is different there than here. Christmas in Japan is a couples only affair. In fact, they even have a term for those who are single: Kuribocchi.
People spending Christmas alone are referred to as “kuribocchi,” a combination of “Kuri” for Christmas and “bocchi” for “hitori bocchi” (alone). Being a kuribocchi isn’t just about being single on Christmas; it’s about being single and sad about it. Picture going to a winter fireworks festival where everyone else has a partner, leaving you feeling lonely; that’s when you can label yourself a kuribocchi. ~Medium
So, imagine being a dad and your first born blood son is away in Japan for close to a year so far and discovers that the holiday is a couples affair. His step brother is there, but his step brother has a girlfriend locally, and that means he is handled. So, what do you do? Well, if you’re dad, you make sure the kid is okay and enduring this particular stretch of isolation. I went through the same thing myself a few years in Iowa spending Christmas alone in the dorms eating day-old McDonalds. After a while it became a tradition–though not a particularly healthy or good one.
I spent ten years in Iowa and a lot of that felt like I was isolated. I was one of a handful of black people and one of even fewer who lacked the means (and family) to escape for the holidays. That is what my boy is going through now and I feel for him. Still, I learned quite a bit about myself and my resolve. It is hard to be alone, but it is through being alone that you learn what you want and who you want to be with. You learn to value that time and space alone and also value the idea of sharing moments with a friend or loved one. Being alone is a chance to be silent and enjoy sinking into yourself. It doesn’t need to be depressing–it doesn’t need to reinforce the fact that you have no one to be with. These things come in time to those who are open to it. It will come to him as it came to me.