I was awake at 4 this morning and realized a very important concept an hour later. Love is surrender. Surrender is good. I wrestle with my thoughts and problems constantly. The resultant stress levels are not healthy. This is only heightened by the awareness of it. My (step)daughter, who is unfortunately similar to me in all the bad ways, has these issues as well. I’m going to tell her what I am going to share here right now. Surrender to love.
When my wife, the Lady Talis, woke up and saw me playing on a screen she all but took it out of my hands. She made it clear that screen time was not scheduled at that moment. I could’ve resisted. I didn’t. Instead, I relaxed and let go. I let myself focus on her instead. The mental aspect of that was far more pleasant than where I’d been only moments prior. In short, I remembered the woman I fell in love with and, as a result, forgot all of the outside noise.
Leaning in matters. Carving out time to lean in matters. What you do together during that time does not matter so long as the focus is on each other and the shared mental energy that arises from love. The Old Greeks spoke of love in eight categories. Lately, we speak of it in Languages, but I prefer to fall back on those older understandings. Eros is passion–that romance and desire that fills you with heat. Philia is the friendship that comes from respecting who the soul of a person is. Storge is that familial love that is born out of the time and closeness spent among family. This is how and why I, a single child, can have a brother from another mother. We grew together over decades. The love there isn’t breakable. Also not breakable or selfless is the Agape love that we as beings can feel for brethren or for all people, depending on who you are in your heart. There’s also Ludus, which I like to describe as the fun flirty kind of love. There’s Pragma which, if you’re familiar with the root word is mature and based on commitment. Mania… is rarely a good love.. usually associated with boiling bunnies and reminding people you will not be ignored… but a love nonetheless. Then finally Philautia is that self-care and self-compassion.
I say all of that (as I am running low on time) to argue that love comes in many forms and the ones that stick are the ones that engage in multiple forms of love at once. The way you know this is by checking in. Leaning in. Giving yourself the time and space to remember what it is you love and why…
Some Thoughts:
- Why do they call them “step?” I’ve never actually given it a lot of thought. I have 3 step kids and have no real idea what that term actually means.