I gotta admit: I’m a little nervous about F2F classes starting tomorrow. This is not about lack of ability (though as I age I am beginning to experience a ton of Imposter Syndrome–especially as a writer). I’m actually concerned about how long I’ve been out of the game and how quickly I’ll be able to fall back into the rhythms of teaching class. I have 3 tomorrow separate from the slew of online classes I already started.
I also started the class I am taking… and instantly achieved my first late assignment. I guess I am out of practice with that too. What is it about the fall that makes me feel so stressed and rushed? Part of it has to be lack of sleep. I am waking up at 5:11. Like exactly 5:11 each day. It is spooky. It is sad. I don’t know what to do to break this sad cycle and get myself in shape mentally. I suppose there’s a drug for that? Pity I’m not that kind of user.
I need to figure something out though. And fast. The semester is here. I’m in front of 25 in the morning and all day after. I need to kickstart a club after that. There is very very very little room for me to slip here. There is also very very very little mental room for me to feel like I am sinking into a routine or into who I am trying to be while I am here. I haven’t even started and already I need a vacation.
Some Thoughts:
- Speaking of that Imposter Syndrome, I’m at a place where I do not know what to write. Do I dive back into the Justice Engine? Do I try to go another direction with another kind of story? Do I finish the other novel I already laid out? I want to work on fantasy but there is nothing close to a story there. I don’t know what to do or even how to get to a place where I do know what to do. It feels like, as a writer, I am trying to please everyone but myself.
- Perhaps my life is generally becoming that.
- Lots of football stuff to talk about this week. Tomorrow, really.
- Finished the second of the Locke Lamore books. Good stuff. Hints at massive worldbuilding, but we only interact with small parts of that world and usually the same types of parts to a certain extent–the poor robbing the rich. Still, it has something.