I found a moment to collect my thoughts amidst the steady din of three young souls crying out to be heard. Life has been good and hard and amazing and difficult and sad and never lonely. I spent the last 24 hrs living another man’s life, a carpenter’s life I suppose. I built an indoor treehouse. A loft really. It consists of 4 posts spread around a raised platform and anchored by a rim of boards. It looked odd and fell over a lot until I realized that the structure needed a crossbar to support the legs. I used the leftover wood to place two crossbars and voila! kid land.
Sadly, this does not make me a better or even happier father. It remains another moment of disappointment. The kids love the structure, but never bothered to acknowledge that I built it. Maybe deep down inside (maybe right at the surface) I feel the need to be recognized for my efforts, and It is really sad when not even your kids are willing to do so. Of course, this is the life I chose on a really basic level. I come from a home where my work, skills, and effort were thankless. I married into the same environment, and now I have kids that carry on that grand tradition. So, maybe the problem is with me and this seemingly foolish need for recognition (positive, because they’ll heap on the negative like pouring water on a fire).
What I do know is that tonight I stood in my backyard and listened to the world move around me. In that sound of barking dogs, distant trains, and families gathering around the television set I found a certain peace. It is the peace of knowing that I am a part of something that can be as wonderful as I allow it to be or as terrible. The power is in the perception.
I don’t get to have very many solitary moments in the summers, but I get to have time with my family. I get to wakeup well after the sun touches the sky. I get to play video games until I’m burned out on the games and often the systems. I get to stand outside feeling the warm summer breeze and enjoying the sounds of the world hustling along.
Doesn’t sound bad at all.