Lately I’ve been all about the Thich Nhat Hanh quotes. As I move closer and closer to a more buddhist practice (and not just philosophical stance) I am finding his words particularly enlightening. He says, for example, “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” If I apply this to my relationships it helps me to recognize that I do have a fear of the unknown. Particularly I have a fear of being and eventually dying alone. I do not prefer that end. I hope to find my way to the clearing with my partner holding my hand. Still, circumstance continues to remind me that I have chosen an emotional path that closes me off from any realistic and obtainable options. This is largely due to the fact that I have personally decided upon one option and one partner and that choice–that discovery of a soulmate–changed everything for me. There is no iteration of reality where I don’t see us hand in hand as I find that clearing at the end of the road.
What Thich Nhat Hanh is talking about is present suffering and mindfulness. He is speaking to the fears we have of letting go now. In fact he writes, “Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.” So we let go with hope of tomorrow. Then we take action and we are mindful of those actions so that we can be mindful of his next lesson to realize that, “My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand.” This lesson is where I sit now. I am at once burned out on teaching and love. The stress and fatigue of both flow into each other creating a deluge at the edge of my consciousness threatening to breach the dam of my actions. I exist in a space where I have stepped far back from ‘Meet them where they are’ and far towards, “If they aren’t already there they don’t matter.” The latter is a place ruined teachers go, and I don’t mean to be that person.
Awareness isn’t action. I’m taking responsibility to have positive actions that move me forward and affect those around me in a positive way. It is a difficult and slow step, but one that will ultimately point me in the direction of a healthy life both mentally and physically.