I’ve always been fascinated by idioms. As a sociologist the idea that specific turns of phrase survive beyond the original context to become part of the language code of a specific region is gold. Idioms are memes. So when I hear people tell me I have ‘too many irons in the fire’ I giggle to myself, because it has been a very long time since anyone put an iron in a fire with the hopes of forging a steel tool or weapon or horseshoe or… even understanding what that process looks like. What is meant behind the phrasing is simple: I have way too much shit going on. That part at least is real. In fact I secretly (and until now privately) nicknamed myself Ironkiller because I am actively trying to remove the amount of ‘shit’ going on in my life.
What is hard about the process is that I cannot half-ass any of it. In terms of football, I’m the Head Coach now and that brings with it a new level of responsibility and planning–especially if I am not going to be at the practice to execute the plan. At school I have a number of responsibilities that demand my attention. Most are semester based, so I need to stay completely on top of them. It feels like the work that does get shifted to the back burner is always the stuff that I care about. It is always the work that belongs to me alone.
In this case I’m talking about my writing. I have allowed the novel to become Lord Commander of the Back Burner. There it lives in full control of my stray thoughts and hopes. There it can build an army of worries and doubts that populate the space at the back of my mind. There it can live a full life and, eventually, die.
This is wholly unacceptable. What I truly need is a base level of understanding of how much stuff I can effectively do and a plan to manage that over the course of a day in a way that allows room for everything and no back burner philosophy. Of course, this is what I’ve been looking for my entire life.
Still looking.
Some Thoughts:
- Another person cannot kill your desire. That is merely an excuse for whatever doubt already lived inside of you. Yes, pain and suffering is real, but those things are part of life and meant to be dealt with. Any quitting is entirely the result of you giving up on you. So, stop blaming other people and get to work.
- My mom lives on whim alone. Unfortunately whenever she has one of these moments of whimsy the world is expected to stop functioning and immediately rush to her aid so that she can accomplish whatever bit of ridiculousness that has currently absorbed her thinking. This leads to a great deal of anger from the people around her–especially my kids who ‘don’t have time for that’ or even an ounce of the patience required. It is a great lesson in patience, because she is really tough to deal with.
- Loving is hard. Sometimes it can be absolutely unbearable.