Yesterday I found myself staring at a wall sized add of a plus size model during my first trip to a mall in years. I took my partner and two of our kids–the oldest boy and the youngest (Not to be confused with my eldest–different kid). During this occasion I noticed that while quite attractive, the photo of this model prominently featured her back fat. Indeed I was caught staring and thinking, ‘Why focus on the least attractive (to me) portion of her?’ While there are a bevy of reasons why ‘they’ would have made this choice, I was caught staring. Caught by the youngest kid who noticed me and said, “That’s a little too thicc.” He is 9 going on 10. I did not correct him.
This was a fail. Call it a Father Fail. I have many.
Still, it got me thinking about the way we view beauty in our American society. While we are clearly in a transition towards a greater acceptance of full bodied and less than flawless women (see the aforementioned plus ad–a more clothed version of below) we are still measuring women by looks first.
But not men.
Men are measured by wealth and power. Our looks are secondary measurements, more germane to how we can be used for a good time than how relevant we are as actual partners. As I was preparing to write this blog I saw this link at the bottom of my CNN news page. This is why CNN sucks. This and more, but this specifically (under paid content) expresses all that is leading to my kid saying what he said.
Facts are facts, and the fact remains that we as a society are extremely poor at defining women based on the content of their character. Sure, a model should be measured by her looks, but even then there ought to be multiple measures and room allowed for what is beautiful. While I should not be considered outright wrong for not liking back fat (I hate it on myself and aim to rid myself of it, so what is so bad about not wanting it on my sexual partner?), I should also not be the guy pointing out that my beauty standard should be the one publicly observed. I mean to be better than that. Moreover, I mean to teach my kids better. It is fine that this woman was not what my kid is into (so much as he should be into any woman’s look at his age… seriously too soon IMHO) however, it is not for him to speak badly of her. Or me to speak it myself.