(transcribed from shoddily handwritten text)
Yesterday was tough for me. The Big Evil Wave ™ is still cascading over my life, lately resulting in massive knee pain made worse by slamming into a coffee table knee first. A younger man would shrug it off. I am no longer a younger man. As a result I was in no mood to deal with my kids (which is becoming a more and more constant state of being), they learned to keep their distance and entertain themselves for large stretches of time. This shows that I am developing a really negative attitude towards childcare and have skewed priorities.
The Big Evil Wave ™ is always self-inflicted. It is, after a fashion, me telling the universe that I need to be checked. Check me it does; always hard enough to make the point impossible to miss. This year’s points are crystal:
1. My priorities are out of whack.
2. I am too careless with my money.
The first point is a painful one to admit, because it shows me that I am trying to hard to escape fro my daily routine, which means I am unhappy with the home life. This past year taught me that I think about anything else while spending time with the kids, they’ll know and they will try to destroy whatever else I am thinking about. If I try to work on that other thing, it’ll be ruined, as will my time with the kids. Part of that is inattention blindness, but it is mostly the willful way these kids refuse to be ignored–as they should.
They deserve my full attention. I need to become more proactive about organizing and grading priorities. I need to shape my time in a way that allows me those moments to do nothing but hang out with the family as well as those moments to work and to write. Most of all, I need to be clear about what is most important.
The money issue is equally rough Isn’t it always?
Some Thoughts:
1. My job used to be my vacation. That is hardly the case these days, because I haven’t found balance yet. I need to figure out a way to do that.
2. Wearing your shades on the back of your shirt is stupid. There, I said it. Someone had to. In a world where 50 Shades of poo is a NYT best seller, we need to start calling bullshit when we see it.