As I sat down to post today I realized that I never published yesterday. I didn’t hit the button twice–a common oversight when rushing through the process. That led me to sit here and think about why I rush. I rush because I try to do too much. I rush because I want to do too much. When I rush I don’t savor. I don’t get to appreciate the process or the moment or the act of actually doing a thing. Instead I zoomboy through it and the moment is gone.
That is unacceptable.
If the last week has told me anything it is to slow down and appreciate each moment as it unfolds, because I don’t get too many and I do not want to waste them. I love the people in my life. I love most of what I do, and I don’t always appreciate that. Instead I lose it in a rush to get to the next thing. I don’t linger as I should, and that is what hurt me most in the relationship I am in. I spent more time trying to ‘fix’ it and categorizing it as a problem than I did lingering in the power and beauty of this rare love. I have been a bad soulmate. I have been a bad human as well for a while now–always dealing with stuff instead of diving into the beauty of life.
Tonight I want to sit around and play games with my family. I want to take a pause from trying to create the space and enjoy them in our space as it is now. This is a hard change for me, but something I know I will appreciate and something I realize I need to do for nobody else but me.
In doing this for me and getting me right, I become better to the people I live for.