I learned earlier today that a High School friend died recently. While it is unclear how he passed it made me think a great deal about suicide and loss and all of the things that exist to separate us from the enjoyment of this brief (yet eternal) experience that is life. It led to me asking myself what I have to live for and why I wouldn’t just end that experience today. My first thought was, unfortunately, responsibility. I have a responsibility to the people in my life.
My first thought should’ve been joy.
My first thought should’ve been more selfish, lending itself to all of the moments I gobble up throughout each day. It should have been about the experiences I accumulate and the feeling I get kissing my partner. It should have been about watching my kids grow up and succeed or watching my puppies grow into dogs. It could have been about the novel I am writing and the joy I feel (and straight up apprehension, but more on that Saturday for tomorrow we freewrite!) coming to the page.
I need to learn how to hold life in my hands and appreciate it for what it actually is. Life is a collection of these moments and an opportunity to have new ones–good or bad.