As the youth football season winds down I find myself watching and reflecting on the entire amped up concept of youth sports. I am largely over the concept of a Tier 1 youth team. I am over it because of what went down this last weekend. There was a game I attended that was so deeply toxic that it changed the trajectory of my son’s youth involvement. What’s more is that it wasn’t just me as a father instigating a change. Deep into the 3rd quarter he turned to me and said, “Dad, I cannot play for that team anymore.”
He was right to say what he said. The level of toxicity I saw was astounding. I remember talking to the coaches on our sideline and saying, “I coach with those guys over there. When I’m on that sideline it doesn’t seem as bad as it is now.” To which my friends and coaches responded, “It is that bad. You don’t see it because you are there. You become part of it.”
Here is what happened: My mid kid was playing a 13u game. He’s officially a high schooler, because he skipped a grade. He’s not a large kid. He’s not one of those terrifying lineman types or anything even like that. He is just a fast and skinny kid who, by the way, used to play for the team we were facing. So, when that team’s coach started complaining that he could not play because he was a high schooler and he has 7th graders on his team it made no sense. In fact he’d played with those same kids. He was literally a part of that same exact group of kids. Furthermore, there are kids on that team who are both older and bigger than he is. This conflict set off the afternoon. It got worse from there. He demanded to know who else on the squad was in high school, knowing that my kid was not trying to be illegal but trying to play a few games with the kids he grew up with and played with from age 6. That should be okay. He made sure it wasn’t.
Soon it became clear that the refs were also turned off by this event, quickly turning their ire towards our squad. I watched an opposing player throw a punch at one of our kids and no flag was given. Yet the next play our players were flagged for talking back to the opposing team. This continued throughout the afternoon until finally, once the game ended, the opposing squads HC, a personal friend of mine, refused to shake hands with the coaches or players.
That is a bridge too far for me.
Your job out there as a youth coach is to teach kids how to play the game and that includes sportsmanship. If you cannot be a big enough man to shake hands–even after you feel you were somehow wronged–then you are showing the kids it is okay to behave like that. They take their lead from you and they did exactly that, showing next to know sportsmanship.
So we are out.
We had a really good thing going but now we are stepping back. The kid is going to spend his time learning the style and playbook of his chosen HS team playing for that HS youth team. It is not the level of competition that is going to push him to his max, but it is going to teach him the skills and fundamentals he needs to be a part of that program. Also, he gets a chance to embed with the kids he will be playing with at the High School level, which could be the highest level he plays at or could be the most important jump off point towards his future. I believe this is the right choice and this is the proper path to a solid future. I’m disheartened that it happened this way.
Some Thoughts:
- Draft edition next week. I’ll hit you with my predictions.