I started playing Apex Legends again–the perfect summer distraction to a very hot daily routine. I’m having fun but it doesn’t fulfill me. I might be too old and too much in the mindset of figuring out what does fulfill my partner and I collaboratively. I don’t have answers for that yet. Try as we might we haven’t found the secret sauce to living a purpose-filled life. Sadly, we (or at least I) are running out of time. At least we are not running out of summer.
The plan in place is to spend a ton of time just the two of us. it will be the longest we’ve been away from our kids EVER. This is a positive thing in part and a scary thing in part. I suspect with the youngest it will irrevocably distance he and I. I’ve accepted this entirely, as I already see the distance forming between us. He just turned 13 and this might be the push of independence the kid absolutely needs.
What I need is a better climate, a place to write, and a swath of time to truly explore my relationship and myself. I need to get healthy and, if I am truly reflecting, I need to do that more than anything. Mortality stays on my mind because I am not in the best shape or the best headspace and the summer reset is a chance to fix a great deal of this.