I dialed back one iteration to 6.14. It starts with: “Willpower. That is what it is going to take to avoid wandering back into youth football this fall. I want the boy to do it deep down. I want to be out there enjoying watching, but that should not happen. He’s gone through football nonstop for a few seasons now, and with the idea still being to have him represent the state in both February and June/July, having a few months off is simply a no brainer. This won’t stop the coaches from asking and me from wanting to cave, but I cannot do it. Instead I need to view this off season as what it truly is: an off season. A chance to pursue other things both athletically and otherwise. This is Waiver Wednesday, so we will focus on the athlete stuff.”
Given yesterday’s admission, not much has changed. I’m struggling here. I get to the point where I get so tired of the every day of how things are here that I’m defeated by it. It crushes my creativity to be surrounded by an air of let’s do nothing. I fall into it too easily and I am quite good at it… for a while. I cannot say football stuff has anything to do with that–my addiction to the youth cycle is more tied to wanting to be a good dad than any of the rest of it. Except, I work in a week on week off cycle now where I have the time to fall into other things if they existed. Instead I am trapped in the cycle and dying oh so slowly from it.
Vacation cannot come soon enough.