10 Minute Rule

I’m writing this at 7 in the morning. I’ve been up for well over an hour (close to two) and in that time I’ve gained full consciousness, played several video games, and drank coffee. The order of those things is totally reversed, which is part of what I want to say today. What I was trying to say last night about the writer’s life is more about the importance of making time in your life for the words and not just fitting it in anywhere you can. I have been the key culprit when it comes to ‘fitting it into my life’. This is true for more than just the words (ask my partner). However, it all stems from the concept of the words. See, the way I’ve approached the words and the world is like this: Those things that are fundamental and comprise the bulk of your life will get handled, so screw around until you are left with no choice but to handle those things.

This is why I found myself writing 1k and blogging past 11pm last night. I tend to start with the least important of the tasks and work my way towards what matters. I don’t know why I do it, but there is no question that I do. I’m going to call it Writer’s RNA, as the message of lazy first seems to be communicated to my soul and spirit on a daily basis. No, this is not excuse making. I am merely keeping it real.

So, now what? Well, accepting that this is part of one’s nature leads to one of two conclusive directions. 1 or A) I stay aware of this fact and consider it in my planning of all aspects of my life, careful to combat these so-called ‘natural’ tendencies. 2 or B) I keep keeping on and remain exactly as effective in all things as I have been thus far.

B does not sound awful, because I have in fact done okay. Of course, if recent commercials are any indication, okay is not good enough. So, I gotta get with A. okay?

Some Thoughts:

1. The words went pretty darn well last night.

I’ve been at the 1k thing for a while now and have already missed a day. It hasn’t had the same forcefulness as the blog, but I must admit the transformative nature of 1k/day is really something. I am getting a lot of words out and I am being forced to write without thinking. I am being called upon to draw these stories out of the place they come from and, more importantly, connect back to that place long thought lost. I’m not all the way back yet. I haven’t gotten to the level I was at with my words when I was a young person riding busses with nothing by time and ideas. Still, I am getting to the level where I am generating ideas and writing and having fun with the craft.

Next month I will be presenting to a group of local writers on the art and craft and life of writing. While I know Ive said this very thing before, I will indeed speak of the impact of 1k/day. It doesn’t seem like a lot, especially if you have a story in your heart. Still, the consistency of the words is incredibly demanding. In fact, after I publish here I am off to write out 1k for today, and I have no idea what I am going to say.

The rhymes are entirely unintentional, in spite of the month at play.

Some Thoughts:

1. It might make sense to change my online handle to the misnomer ‘fastdps’ because that actually makes sense as opposed to the outmoded name I have been using since, well, college.
2. developing my understanding of the apple network, because I think I ought to know such things by now. Any competent Dad (yay, patriarchy) ought to be tech-rated.
3. All of this computer work has me looking into my musical past. I like it.

There’s a story floating around the internet about President Trump going to Mt. Vernon and making a total fool of himself. While most new services not in the conservosphere are touting the story as true, there is a report posted on the Ladies of Mt. Vernon site that reads in part, “Comments pulled from sources who were not present for the tour do not properly convey the tone and context in which they were delivered.” This is key to the argument. It does not deny the reports that XYZ happened, but argues that tone played a role. Of course, this is a smart move on their part, because tone can be argued. Text cannot. This is the lifeline of the defense of this American presidency. Those who care about the value of intelligence and knowledge (as those are not the same thing) may argue that Trump is simply ‘joking’ but in the serious moments he is a serious leader. Whereas public speaking Trump plays to the crowd and puts on a show the people love.

They can say that. They can say a number of things. They also say this, “His supporters don’t care, and if anything they enjoy the fact that the liberal snobs are upset” that he doesn’t know much history, this person said.  

That part is what truly frightens me, because the people who are in charge of our country are increasingly impressed with their own intelligence as it becomes astoundingly clear that they are, in fact, not intelligent people. The Herman Cain nomination is only the latest example of that. It all leads to an unfortunate conclusion: This is going to hurt America.

Trump is not the kind of person that recognizes what it means to fade away. As such it is increasingly likely he will buck and fight long into his second term to remain relevant. The central truth of all presidencies is that they are eclipsed late in their second term by whomever is running to succeed them. Do we really think Trump will go that quietly?

The Giants just gave Sterling Shepard $41 million dollars for a 4-year deal. With that cash drop the picture in NY is sharpening into focus. The Giants have now dumped a fair amount of cash on two slot-style receivers. That strategy only serves to indicate that the Giants indeed plan to run more 21 personnel groupings in the coming season, relying on 1 stretch TE alongside a pair of receivers that work primarily as underneath or slot guys on either side of the field (I slot left, etc.) with the TE running corners to abuse the OLB with his speed. What worries me is that they are going to need to use Tate or Shepard as an actual 1, because they don’t have that guy. Perhaps the goal is to get Shepard matched up on the top corner and use his (respectable but not game breaking) speed to loosen up the D to let Barkley work inside and underneath as well?

Another thought is that there is going to be a speed WR drafted this year to stretch the field as well. That or they pull in a Noah Fant or someone else early in the draft and go 12 personnel. So, yeah, maybe the picture really isn’t that clear at all yet. One thing is for certain: They’re paying Shepard in spite of a sophomore slump predicated by the absence of Beckham and the clear knowledge that he cannot be a feature WR in this league just yet. Hopefully he’s good enough to slip by the D when the real attention is on the other talent on the field

Back in the 1980’s Jean Baudrillard wrote a philosophical treatise called Simulation and Simulacra. The document spoke on the idea that we no longer are existing in any semblance of a reality and have replaced all that is real with the symbols of real things. At the time I read the work I was drawn to the concept of cyberspace and the matrix. I was just getting started writing for shadowrun and the concept of a society that had all but abandoned reality for a false realm built from simulacra fascinated me. A few years after that discovery I started playing a game called EVE online. I played it only briefly but discovered in that short timeframe that I myself was sacrificing reality for the realm of 1’s and 0’s. It wasn’t too long after that happened that I started to suspect we ourselves were living in a simulation and that humanity itself was simulacra designed perhaps to mimic some long dead race or worse, just for giggles.

This feeling is buoyed by images like this:

and more impressive ones on the site  thispersondoesnotexist.com. 

I am left thinking that we are getting closer to mimicking life on a mainframe and eventually simulating it.

Some Thoughts:

1. I thought about writing an analysis on the growing argument of the school to prison pipeline, but I was not at all engaged by the argument. I think that is an issue for the argument. It is hard to get your point out there if that point sounds like something we already know and something we all feel powerless to impact.
2. This is different from Simulation Theory, because that argument suggests that we will one day be able to know and unravel the mystery of what we are.

I’ve been feeling renewed lately. I’ve been feeling as though the Giants have a real chance to be successful next year. I think this, because the draft offers a great deal of promise. We struck gold with Beckham, but he is not the only gold that was even available that draft. There were starters drafted as late as the 6th round, and I believe the same to be true of this draft. There is a lot of talent in this year’s draft class though little at the QB position. I think the Giants find a talented future starter in round 2. I also think they address a number of pressing needs in the first round–perhaps even by trading down from the 6th pick if that allots them multiple first rounders. In short, there is hope yet, so long as they do right by the draft selections.

Another major issue here is the WR corps as it stands. They have every intention of going with quick slot wr’s and using the TE as a stretch. This could be playing right into the plan of developing a QB using quick and effective throws as he comes into his own in the offensive system.

I also would add that the dude Manning is better in the second year of a system. That will matter in the long run.

I’m going to allow myself to believe.

I never finished my mock draft. I intended to but things got in the way–you know, life, anger, parenting, relationships. It is no wonder that I write, because I live. In this strange and brief life I have experienced so much that there is more that happens than there is time to write about. Still doesn’t stop me from trying.

I got to thinking recently that it is long past time for me to evolve my operations. I have something to offer the world as a writer. If this blog ever gets read by more than the 1 person I know to read it, let it be known that I finally recognize that in these pages are at least one or two moments of universal connection–where I am experiencing things in my life (and my words) that resonate on a larger scale. I am going through what many of us go through, and perhaps I can find the words to give voice to what a lot of us feel. It feels odd to say it because I’ve never actually processed that when we write we are giving voice to the voiceless. Perhaps I am doing that.

Perhaps I’m just very very vain.

I also got to thinking about relationships and about the idea of sacrifice and balance and how to be a good partner. I think that I’ve always been a control freak. In present tense I’ve been in control of the clock. By that I mean that I have controlled when things happen in my relationships. I am no longer so sure that is a good thing, because it inevitably hurts the people I care about the most, because they suffer as I wait to accomplish what I feel I need to accomplish. Most recently I’ve been thinking about this in terms of my kids and my hopes and goals and actions surrounding them. I realize that my life is largely driven by sports and more to the point the sports they play and that I coach. I am working towards finding a way to make all of that more balanced and even doing away with a degree of it. I need to continue talking this out with my partner, but it feels like my two oldest kids are at the point where school driven athletics is taking over and it is possible for me to move out of where I am at and to a place where they can get to those things and lead that life without me.

It also may be time to move on from kid 3’s athleticism and just let things be such that they develop if he finds the strength and strategy in himself to develop them. This means that I would not have him play sports after next fall. He’d only get to play sports again as part of a school program, and if I move at that time I would no longer be responsible for the back and forth of practice. All of that would fall on them to continue. My responsibility would be limited to showing up to games to offer moral support.

Maybe it is finally time to move on from being so involved.

It is rarely a good idea to write in anger but here we are. I have a lot to be angry about these days, but what is really getting under my skin is how spoiled and needy my kids are. I get that this is entirely my fault. I am openly trying to balance the lack of attention I perceive them getting from my co-parent with an abundance of such from my side of the aisle. Not only is this unsustainable (as it creates an expectation that is further exacerbated by there being three of them who are constantly vying and angling for more attention and time) it is unhealthy. No one will give them the time I give them. When my unavailability results in an open tantrum it creates a surge of anger in me that is only rivaled by my utter disappointment in them.

In short, I’ve created monsters.

Attention monsters, if you will. Ones that don’t know how to deal with the fact that someone isn’t focused on them when they want or expect to be focused on–especially if that someone is me. Now the cure to that situation is an arduous process that largely involves discipline and punishment. I am not the best at either, which is causing more than a few problems with the transition to normal human decency overall. There needs to be a book called ‘Unspoiling: How to make the bad apples good again’ or some such title. Perhaps through my understanding of this process I will write the book and in that give future parents a way out of this situation and a way to avoid ever getting into this situation in the first place.

It is too late for me to avoid getting into it, and getting out of it feels a lot like trying to dig my way out of quicksand with nothing to hold on to. Still, doing so is vital because it is going to make them better men in the long run. That starts right now with a long list of chores and responsibilities. Let them earn their chance to play. Let them earn the right to play. Maybe I’ll play with them once they have.

I’d intended to get back to my mock draft tonight but yet another unfortunate experience led me back here with coal eyes and the taste of blood on my tongue. I have for some time now noticed a growing separation between myself and the people of my workplace. This has escalated to the point where I am being openly ignored in public. I am being treated as though I am not there–even when speaking to these people publicly. My partner has experienced this and worse, and there is no doubt that the treatment is related to a number of factors that include our relationship. What I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt is that the behavior and attitudes I am experiencing are juvenile. This is flat out high school behavior and would only be tolerated in academia. In my opinion, you simply could not get away with this anywhere else. Well, high school. You get away with it in high school. Of course, that is academia of a sort as well. Now that being said, I believe this behavior reflects extremely poorly on the people acting in this fashion. The more mature and insightful people on campus are just fine. What I find infinitely more interesting is the conundrum I now face: Now that I am fully aware of these behaviors does it change anything in the way I do business and live my life? This behavior is not new. I just didn’t know about it. Therefore what value exists in responding to it in any way shape or form?

Honestly, I don’t think there is any value beyond emotional satisfaction. In the end the best way to respond is to succeed so damn hard that they recognize that they are in fact as limited as advertised.

So, yeah. Lets do that.

I did part one on a phone, and my not too slender fingers hacked and stumbled slowly through the thing to the tune of 3 clumsy picks. To Recap:

(1) Cardinals : Nick Bosa

(2) 49rs: Ed Oliver

(3) New York Jets: Noah Fant

And now the rest:

(4) Raiders: Quinnin Williams, Defensive Tackle
Gruden is an old school guy who believes that pressure starts right up the middle. Williams is a solid 3 technique guy who will shore up the defensive interior for the next decade.

(5) Tampa Bay: Montez Sweat, Edge
You cannot go wrong with Sweat. While some teams are a bit worried about heart issues, there is no questioning his athleticism. He set modern records for speed and agility at the position and will have the NYG feeling very upset they missed out on their next LT.

(6) New York Giants: Kyler Murray
The Giants have a plan at QB and it would have manifested later in the draft had this kid not been available. I think they really wanted to go with the kid from Duke, but Gettleman knows the power of a ‘move’ QB and will not be willing to skip a chance to let him develop his pocket and IQ game behind Manning.

(7) Jaguars: Jawaan Taylor, OT
Dwayne Haskins would be a good pick here, if you could let a #1 sit behind the starter for 3 years. You cannot and the 4 year $88 million dollar contract they gave Foles suggests that they are set at the QB spot for now. Offensive lineman are always useful. Still, Foles coulda used a better TE.

(8) Lions: Rashaan Gary, Edge
Best available Edge comes off the board here.

(9) Bills: Jonah Williams, OT
Gotta protect your QB. I think they are going to try to get an OT here unless a team is willing to trade up for the still rich QB market. No trades in this one, because I clearly cannot think that far ahead.

(10) Broncos: Dwayne Haskins, QB
Best available QB comes off the board here. He is a project guy, but a guy everyone is high on and can get the job done with training.

(11) Bengals: Devin White, LB
Best available LB comes off the board here

(12) Green Bay: Marquise Brown, WR
Keep your QB fed and happy. While they could go TE here, the stretch WR is a better look to match the run game. They need defensive help, but the dearth of scoring from 2018 predicates an offensive spending spree.

(13) Dolphins: Drew Lock, QB
Best available comes off the board here, though I think Gardner Minshew is going to be a legit talent and a value in later rounds.

(14) Falcons: D.K. Metcalf, WR
Another big strong receiver to bolster a very physical Falcons passing attack

(15) Redskins: Taylor Rapp, S
Adding riches to the pot, they pair Rapp with former Giants pro-bowler Landon Collins and kill all passing games against them.

More tomorrow…