It is rarely a good idea to write in anger but here we are. I have a lot to be angry about these days, but what is really getting under my skin is how spoiled and needy my kids are. I get that this is entirely my fault. I am openly trying to balance the lack of attention I perceive them getting from my co-parent with an abundance of such from my side of the aisle. Not only is this unsustainable (as it creates an expectation that is further exacerbated by there being three of them who are constantly vying and angling for more attention and time) it is unhealthy. No one will give them the time I give them. When my unavailability results in an open tantrum it creates a surge of anger in me that is only rivaled by my utter disappointment in them.
In short, I’ve created monsters.
Attention monsters, if you will. Ones that don’t know how to deal with the fact that someone isn’t focused on them when they want or expect to be focused on–especially if that someone is me. Now the cure to that situation is an arduous process that largely involves discipline and punishment. I am not the best at either, which is causing more than a few problems with the transition to normal human decency overall. There needs to be a book called ‘Unspoiling: How to make the bad apples good again’ or some such title. Perhaps through my understanding of this process I will write the book and in that give future parents a way out of this situation and a way to avoid ever getting into this situation in the first place.
It is too late for me to avoid getting into it, and getting out of it feels a lot like trying to dig my way out of quicksand with nothing to hold on to. Still, doing so is vital because it is going to make them better men in the long run. That starts right now with a long list of chores and responsibilities. Let them earn their chance to play. Let them earn the right to play. Maybe I’ll play with them once they have.