10 Minute Rule

Watching the Giants game I’m reminded by one of the sutras of the Buddha. I’m paraphrasing here, but essentially the argument is that we should expend every bit of energy we have on the moment that we are in presently. There is nothing to save your presence for, so be present in the moment you are in. The Giants were present in the moment of this game, not looking back towards the wreck of last week or forward to the possibility of playoffs. They stayed in the game and played well enough to get the win.

This presence they maintained is much like the presence of mind that powers good writing. It remains elusive to me at times, but once I find it and hold on tight the results can be magical. I feel the presence of mind and the use of present energy is good for more than just sports and writing. These things are key to living and enjoying life and love. Imagine how much better sex is when you are present in the moment and not thinking of other things, or reveling in the ‘power’ of knowing someone wanted to have sex with you, or living in fear of not performing up to par, or wondering what happens in the relationship after, or wondering if the other person is happy in that moment.

So, be present.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. My dog thinks he is slick. He has a pattern he follows. He goes upstairs once he knows she has food. Then he sneaks back downstairs and around the corner to eat that food once she is done, hoping I don’t see him. I see you, dog. I see you.

I’m moving out of my living room.

I spend the majority of my time in the space vegging out or watching sports and playing minecraft. I’m moving back into my office where the work happens. This is important, because work isn’t happening and has not really been happening for the past year. Part of that is the disappointment that resonates from doing a lot of work and still waiting for a half dozen paychecks that may never ever come. The rest is pure lazy.

I write best when I feel safe and comfortable in the other areas of my life and I am moving back towards that. And back into the office.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m done fighting with the system to post direct to facebook. It does not work.
2. If you are suspicious of your loved one it will not work. If you harbor resentments against your loved one it will not work. If you are open and honest when you begin to feel anything resembling these feelings it will work. Communication is the open secret to a good relationship, but at least 45 percent of married couples don’t get that. I didn’t. I do now.
3. While we are on the subject of what breaks things: I’ve had a few students write research papers about the effects of pornography and I must admit the arguments against porn are compelling.
4. On a completely different subject, I just watched someone hack a cockroach using over the counter tech popularized through maker magazines. Later they hacked a human. Dope.

I’ll get straight to it.

1. I just had a hot mustard sauce that made my mouth tremble in fear. I guess I really don’t go in for the hot. I mean I felt it through my nostrils.
2. Today was a great day. I got to spend it with the woman I love and had a chance to celebrate that love… in whatever fashion it may exist.
3. I am deeply concerned that Rogue One is merely Star Wars told again but from the POV of a scoundrel. This is not about the name but about the woman leading the rebellion. She is every bit the Han Solo who lives in my imagination. This is not a bad thing per say, but Star Wars needs to stop being repetitive at some point in the very near future.
4. Playoffs in the land of Fantasy Football have begun! Somehow my nightmare of a season saw me land as a two seed in my division and 6th overall. Now I’m super worried that my suck team cannot do the do, so I am throwing the ultimate Hail Mary: I’m playing the Browns Defense.
5. Tom Ford is not in touch with reality and his attempt at a film that grazes reality is proof of that. Nocturnal Animals is a beautiful film with an art house feel and a frat house level of deep messaging. I expected more from a highly heralded artist such as himself, but I think I get it: He’s out of touch.
6. News anchors need to stop looking so damn gleeful when announcing violent crime.

I will start this blog by admitting the audacity of calling this particular country America. We have a lot of countries attached to this shared continent, so there’s that. However, the focus of the blog is to reflect on the fact that there are several versions of America within the United States. America is a flag and a banner and a tax system and, perhaps, a language. We share a number of laws and very few values save for the exceptionalism that tells us that we are HNIC (head nation in charge) and what happens outside our borders that we feel is wrong ought to be corrected and what happens inside our borders is none of your damn business.

I grew up in NYC, which is a wholly different place than Montana, which is a wholly different place than Tennessee. There are threads of sameness that connect all three, but the differences in both who the people are, how we live life, and what holds value are different. I may be talking about extreme differences–regional differences–but if culture is defined by place, language, and values then my examples show that we are all Americans and none of us are. The beauty of this nation is that we represent a catch all category. Outside of the Brietbart/Fox News world of color-based supremacy, the ideal American is not pictured by what they look like but what they think. That pervading image of thought is that of freedom.

At least it should be.

I think that it still is, but I think the idea of what freedom actually is has shifted and continues to shift dramatically. So sayeth the country founded on freedom and the broken backs of slaves.

At this time in our nation I believe, finally, that Donald Trump is the best person to run the country. He is reflective of the values we have come to adopt and the attitude we project as a nation. Perhaps we ought to stop complaining that he won and start recognizing that he won because of what we have become, and in part have always been.

The girl said, “I’ve never been anywhere except Colorado, California, and Arizona.” She through up her hands in exasperation. I didn’t know what to say, thinking that her seeing three states was more than so many less privileged people had ever done. I thought about the homeless veterans I saw on the corner outside of Walmart and the families who I knew only by name or initial on the side of a christmas donation box. I thought about what I have and what I have done in my life and what is to come and I felt sad.

I am reminded of my privilege more and more as I am reminded of how little the people I teach realize their own. I am schooling a generation of people who have little sense of their own position but every sense of what they perceive to be their worth and their station and, above all else, what they deserve.

There is more to come on this topic. I just need to sort of the thoughts for myself.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. I keep getting the same subjects over and again. It changes year to year but these subjects pop up in every class, though the students are different ages and academic levels. I give students the option to choose their own topics, so it isn’t as if I am determining these choices myself.
2. Rest In Peace, Eddie Zuleger. My former colleague was murdered last night in his home by his own son. The story continues to develop, but I don’t want to remember him by his death. I want to remember him as a wonderful teacher and a father who looked out for his family above all else–even up to the last breath.
3. Gonna play some flag football this Sunday. Hope I don’t die from being so damn out of shape.

Why do we in the modern world tend to believe in one God vs. Many? Imagine, if you will, that Gods represent the psychological embodiment of human desire. We are creatures of craving and when we cannot have what we want we look towards something that embodies what we want. In centuries past we split those desires amongst a pantheon, giving a name to each embodiment of desire. This was a practical maneuver, allowing individuals to focus on their desires in a limited manner. This allowed for differentiation and created a culture that allowed individuality to focus.

Modern times are built on the back of the Crusades and on the death of polytheistic beliefs. Where there were many Gods there remains only one, the ‘last man standing’ in an ocean of twinkling stars. I posit that our creativity and individuality is, in a sense, muted by monotheism.

Of course, we are not only muted by the lock-step locked down belief systems that dominate the modern world, but by access to a ton of media that only serves to further our natural confirmation bias. We find the news that confirms what we think we know, just like we know the one God is absolutely for us and about us and always on our side.

Read the signs, I bet they’ll tell you I am right on this one.

Tough time getting this to post today. The site has been up and down and possibly even hacked. Yeah, I get the irony of a guy who writes about post-modern hacker culture getting hacked himself. Perhaps it is a version of street cred… or bot cred as the culprit is more likely automated than directed by human hand. We are moving into a time period where hacking is going to be on the uptick. Moreover, glitches are going to become more and more responsible for accidents on a global scale. The more complicated a system is, the more likely that system is to encounter a glitch that is not easily detected and less easily repaired.

I think about traffic systems and automated passenger conveyances, even linked elevators and escalators. I wonder if there are a few angry hackers who want to take a shot at the new president–gangam style. More importantly, I wonder if the electronic systems regulating solar power distribution have the security not to get hacked. A lot of money floating around for solar, but if you cannot protect yourself from the hackers then the battle is lost. They can siphon your energy or your payback plan, leaving you feeling vulnerable.

The future is coming. I’m excited and a little bit intimidated.

Some Thoughts:

1. I’ve been dreaming about my childhood. It isn’t always my childhood. A few times  week the childhood doesn’t belong to me, to my memories of this life. It leaves me to wonder how much of that past life stuff has validity and what possible way science can bring reason to bear on understanding such a possibility.
2. 67 degrees indoors in AZ. Merry Xmas.

 

I have become enamored with the term diaspora. It appears in essence, if not structure, in most of my writing as of late. In my fantasy I speak of races–not unlike the Elven and Dwarven races of Tolkien lore–who have lost their ancestral holding and are scattered about seeking some friendly shore; some place that permits their culture to flourish without fear of losing itself to that alien fabric. I suppose this comes wholesale with living in Phoenix, AZ where, at the time of my own committal,  the majority of people I encountered were also not from here.

I find that more Californians, New Yorkers, Iowans, and those from foreign lands such as Canada or Mexico live in AZ than people born here. This is the truth of all retirement driven state economies (See: Florida) but it does reflect that sense of diaspora and a sense of a melting pot culture struggling to define itself by a primary flavor.

As a dominant culture or cultural group fights to emerge in this new American diaspora we are left to hunt through the fog of cultural identity, leaning on the definitions crafted for us by others as even now we fail to identify ourselves.

That is what I’ve been –not– writing about. I believe 10 minutes is a good chunk of time to put some of this on paper and allow the logjam in my mind to clear sufficiently to let the good writing through.

Some Thoughts:

1. Rest In Peace, Joe McKnight. The former NY Jet was killed in a road rage incident. His killer, Ronald Gasser, was arrested 10 years ago for a road rage incident in the same spot where he beat a driver senseless for a perceived slight. Gasser was charged and sentenced in that past issue. For murdering McKnight he was let walk free. Make of it what you will.

I ought to title this one Life Without Sports. Seriously, when we were involved in constant sports there was not a Saturday that was not teeming with games and running around the state trying to deliver or collect various kids. Watching a friend at the front end of that drama (his one kid is playing three sports right now) reminds me that I need to temper that sports love with a bit of common sense.

In lieu of sports we are watching the last of Full Metal Alchemist as part of our second straight ‘sleepover’. We gathered a ton of mattresses on the living room floor and just binged. Last night’s binge was on Minecraft and tonight its more watching than playing.

As the battery for the laptop ticks down to zero I’m watching the tiniest Talislegger pout and mope and drag his feet around looking for something significantly exciting to keep him conscious. He doesn’t want to crash and I don’t want him to either. I’m enjoying these moments of just being a dad and soaking up the joy and crazy of childhood. Truth be told, I had maybe a dozen of really great nights like this with friends. Without brothers and sisters I didn’t get to enjoy things in this fashion. I had my words and my toys and those were great. This is different. This is family.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. The Shadow Children series might be closer to real life than originally suspected.
2. Paolo Bacigalupi will be at ASU’s Desert Nights, Rising Stars conference. Dope.

I came to the Gilmore Girls late in life, consuming it through Netflix with unexpected glee. When Netflix recognized that I was one of a million plus viewers it decided to reward us by bringing a close to the storyline. The original cast and writers returned to grace us with a four-part mini series meant to finally close the door on what has come to be ranked among my favorite shows of all time. It was entirely worth the wait and the watch, triggering feelings that surprised me.

From the opening scene the show drenches you in a sense of familiarity and family. Rory is coming home and you get to feel like this is a real home and not a set made for TV. The people seem to genuinely care for each other and the main characters belong to that place. That sense of belonging me has long eluded me in my own life, so it warmed my heart to see it carried out so well in the drama.

That feeling of home and family and the things we do in our tiny worlds pervaded the four episodes, mingling with the growth and change of each of the Gilmores and their loved ones. Though everything changes, they are still a part of Stars Hollow and still, inherently, the people we came to love through their ups and downs and seven seasons of drama.