10 Minute Rule

I had this great idea for a blog about writing, but as the night wore on I wore down and I’m going to need to save all thoughts of innovation starvation for tomorrow. I’m a happy drained, because I spent the day doing what I love best, which is kicking back with loved ones and teaching Face to Face. Still, I face an uphill battle when it comes to the enormity of my workload and I still lack a certain level of motivation to get it all handled.

I don’t know what the deal is with that short of recognizing that there are some things in my life that are so overwhelming and depressing that the only way I’m capable of dealing with them is ignoring them. That feels quite universal. On the other hand, the manageable stuff gets handled and keeps me happy. I just feel the stress of the back burner way too much and way too hot on my skin.

Some Thoughts:

1. It feels like I’ve been doing this longer than the numbers would indicate. It feels like a standard part of my life and, in some ways, a vindication of the argument of whether or not I can keep to something for any real amount of time.
2. Back in F2F classes and it feels so good.
3. The odd ‘cannot save’ glitch from wordpress is gonezo.
4. It is sad that its come down to a woman we all love to hate and a man who we want to make fun of for the presidency. There are no real viable candidates in the ‘soul of the country’ vein, so I am still sticking with the policy wonk in Clinton. Trump is not the one.

Last night I stared at the ocean and wanted to walk in, to leave land behind and join forces with the dolphins and whales and sharks and smaller creatures of the sea to enjoy the power and flow of the ocean at night. Feet away was a woman in jeans wet to her hips who was experiencing that same rapturous feeling. She may have been drunk on the wine and beer, but I was drunk on the experience. That night we made an island and built a wave breaker in the front and walls around it so we could stand on our sand island and watch the sea swirl around us. The beauty of the ocean and the thunder of the waves made me forget that home it was 108 degrees and that on this day, the fourth of july, I would return to the dead desert and try to live. No, survive, because very little by way of ideas and passion thrives out there.

I don’t know if it is the heat or the lack of natural water that makes the desert seem so psychologically uninhabitable. This attitude is the culmination of a gradual shift that started back in the 800’s before I really gained steam, when I was still puttering around and trying to figure out what was next in my life. I suppose I am still puttering around trying to figure out the answer to that question in a sense, but here in the wake of the ocean I know what I don’t want. I know the lands I am bound to and understand that it is my goal, moving forward, to work around those chains to create a life that excites me and fulfills me and those around me.

I know that I will not do this alone. It is important to open myself up to the possibilities of lasting partnership—to the idea that I am going to grow with someone and our goals lead to a common destination. I know this because I recognize that I cannot do this alone and that my weaknesses outnumber my strengths as do all of ours and in that understanding I need to be with someone who (corniness aside) completes me.

All of this I see in the reflection of the sun on the water, in the playful sparring of dolphins against each other and against the waves, in the roar of the ocean slapping against the beach, in the placid faces of surfers in their dream element, and above all else, in the eyes of the people I love.

I think we might make more flag-based clothing than any other country in the world. It’s a dubious record. On the one hand we both pride the option to and revile the actual act of burning the flag, but make no qualms about wearing it on our butts. I find that odd. I find a lot of things odd about this country, and here on the eve of our independence day, I want to cover just a few.

 

1. ‘They hate us cuz they ain’t us/they hate our freedom’ became the clarion call of the war in Iraq, AKA the war on terror. I don’t believe that warcry one bit. People don’t want to be us, but that is what we would have the world believe. Instead, people want some of the things we have, like technical advancements. We have more than darn near anyone and flaunt it. The problem is finding places that actually have complete access to those advancements. See, at the same time we have a crumbling infrastructure and a second-class citizen system that predominantly affects people of (certain) color. For example, the deteriorating water system up north still hasn’t received a proper emergency response, but if a tornado hits Oklahoma, there are piles of money ready to be delivered.
2. Wars that have no possibility of victory shouldn’t be called wars. War on Terror. Ain’t gonna end terrorism and guerilla warfare. Cannot be done. War on Drugs. Can’t win that without surrendering by legalizing drugs. War on Crime. A society without crime is a myth.
3. The politics of Bullshit. The reason why this election season is for crap is because people don’t ‘like’ the candidates. They—we don’t believe in anyone in a significant way. We elect ideas and ideals and fail to elect policy, but it is policy that governs the people.

 

All of this being said, I love the country I live in. I love that I can voice my opinion and maybe be shouted down but not shot. I too plan to celebrate tomorrow as we raise our glasses to independence.

The last time I posted from the beach I was in a zen mode. It was the end of the school year for me and I was fat with the joy of not having any school work to do and actually having contracted writing to finish. I completed that work, struggled through the first part of the hottest Arizona summer I can recall and now I’m back on the beach. I love the beach life. I truly appreciate the chill lifestyle and attitude the people I encounter put forth. It is infectious. I’ve gone from on the knife edge of insanity to ‘what was I so pissed about?’ in a few hours. I’m soaking in the rays like a sand-born Superman and loving the vibe, the outfits, the games, and the waves.

The folks here are chill and about having a good time. Nobody seems to be too haughty or about how cool they are. Everyone does their thing and tries to be courteous of those around them. That’s a god vibe to be a part of.

I’m fortunate to have a partner who doesn’t go ballistic when I notice other attractive people. I’m not gawking. I’m not looking for someone to look back at me. In truth I’m admiring the looks and the suits and appreciating how different everyone looks here–male as well as female. Some real characters out here too.

The waves are a situation. I’ve watched my kids get knocked around multiple times and climb back to their feet with a grin. That’s the awesome power of the ocean right there. Hurts so good.

Some Thoughts:

1. Noticing a trend in my kids. The mid kid is always separating himself and playing alone. This is not for lack of interest from the others. They want to include him but sometimes he’s not interested.
2. I want to ride the shoreline.

It is no secret that I have been struggling with writing lately and that struggle arrived on the heels of summer heat. Its gotten wore and worse over the past few weeks with each day seeming like a real struggle to even want to do anything beyond Minecraft. I thought it was depression. Nope. Then I figured it was a complete disconnect from writing as a whole. Nope. I still have a desire buried down deep. Then, the other day I recognized that I was having an allergy attack and hit the medkit. That was the most productive day of the summer. It took me several more days and one droopy eye to recognize that a huge part of the problem overall is just that: Allergies.

I was passing by the mirror a few minutes pre-post when I noticed my eyes looked weird. One looked really hooded as if the lid skin decided to move further down my visage. Yep, I went to WebMD. I went looking for confirmation of what I already knew: I was having an allergic reaction, likely to the ridiculous mass of pet dander flooding my house. The cat is shedding and I haven’t opened a window since May. This combined with the constantly itchy, red eyes leads me to believe that allergies are taking control of my system and my system is seriously deteriorating my attitude about life.

There is a simple solution. Clean my house better and take the darn pills. So, I’m on it. Tonight I’m going to gather as much of the offending fur as possible via vacuum, etc. and dump it. What makes this hard is that the cat’s fur is largely invisible to the naked eye and the offending dander has already filtered throughout the house. I took the financial hit and got the cool filters, so we will see how things go. Unfortunately, things got a lot worse before they now have a shot at getting better.

When frustration settles on you like a cold front all you can do is lean into it. I feel at times that the summer is the perfect venue for frustration. The weather offers it–especially in the desert or in swamp-hot places like Iowa. The news outlets feel the frustration. Heck, nfl.com is spending hours writing and talking about building the perfect player at each position. That is cover story material while a deep investigation of the stratomatic is relegated to page B. In other words, there is little to say or think about that doesn’t come out all jacked up by weather and wasted time.

This frustration goes double when I spend the day focusing on kids. I love my kids and in many ways live for them, but I need me time too. I need a moment to collect my thoughts and build the motivation to do more than catch my breath in the hours they are away.

I’m tired and hungry for something more out of this life.

Some Thoughts:

1. Turns out Vincent Desiderio is a big fan of the Kanye West video. He was flown out to LA for the premiere and discovered at that moment what West had done. The conversation between the two left Vincent Desiderio feeling like West was not only an artist but a very bright student of art.
2. The only thing worse than being broke is thinking about it. To make matters worse, tackle season approaches and my kids need gear.

Kanye West’s new video, Famous, is about the idea of famous people all, quite literally being in bed together. An image of the last-supper-like Orgy (posted below) reveals the sum of the video. Unfortunately the video itself merely offers closeups of the affected individuals.

The image follows Vincent Desiderio’s ‘Sleep’ right down to the poses, which begs the question: Is Kanye a lot deeper than any of us really want to admit? See for yourself:

So what is the real message here, who are these people, and does it matter if it is actually them? The message is clear and rather simple: Fame and sex are intertwined and we as a culture show our prudeness through our inability to separate the two. I’m not in lock step with the argument, because I believe there are several different forms of fame that go with different social groups. I will agree that we do sexualize fame in a really blatant way and that in a patriarchy the responsibility is on the female more than the male to stay attractive. Kanye details this specifically by his use of males and females in the narrative.

Who are they, you ask? George W. Bush, Anna Wintour,Donald Trump, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, Kanye himself, Kim Kardashian, Ray J, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner, and Bill Cosby. Now we can debate why these groupings are here and what commentary is being made on fame based on who is there but is it really worth the effort?

As I blog I am watching the recent interview featuring Stephen King and George R.R. Martin, two of my biggest literary influences. The interview is fantastic and really speaks to the character of these two giants. It also inspires me deeply. Now, that isn’t the point of this article. In fact, the point of this article is about how the TV show Game of Thrones concluded and represents a sharp departure from the canonical work of Martin and wraps up a number of smaller plotlines and answers many questions about what is to come of the game. Now I don’t think the book is even going to follow the show in any way. I do believe that Winds of Winter will come out one day and will reintroduce Jon Snow, but there are so many more layers to that series than we have time to unravel in a TV Show.

This blog is short and took a while to write, which says a lot about writing while vaguely distracted by the heavyweights of popular fiction. Young writers, don’t try this at home.