Author: admin

Been watching a few too many scary videos. In truth, I’ve been watching a lot of uselesstube as background, which in reality feels like a way to avoid writing. I’m struggling here as a writer and in general struggling to focus in general. The sort of thing that youtube doesn’t make easier. Here is what I need to do. I need to shut off the system and reset outdoors where I can focus on the writing away from the internet and away from the distractions that I am using to keep myself not locked in and mildly distracted.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers Headline of the Day: “What to know about EPA decision to revoke a scientific finding that helped fight climate change” So now we’re really not interested in solving the climate crisis… In fact we are trying to make sure there is no proof of a crisis. We are heading in the wrong direction and don’t appear to be aware of the fact that we only have one planet. Wall-E ain’t coming to save us, folks…
2. I’m trying to get locked in with a hour by hour system of how to get working and get myself focused, because this is not working at all. Heck, I am watching more creepy vids as I write this.
3. Kind of a cool moment in time where my son is having his first valentines with a girlfriend. I’m loving that he is having these experiences. Young love is a great one. Doesn’t always end well, but that is part of the journey too.

I want to start by saying after several great calls with coaches from around the FCS, my youngest has received offers to play at Idaho and Northern Arizona! I’m really excited about this, because it shows that the work is paying off and the talent (and clear potential) is showing through. Each of these three players is better than the last. The first one should have been pure track athlete and the ACL injury ought have informed me of that from the beginning, but it did not. I messed up his athletics career, so I will always hang on to that one like a Manning. The Manning comparison is apt. Obviously Peyton was the G, but Eli (which is the same name as my 3rd) benefited from his knowledge and experience. That is what is happening here. On the defensive side of the ball.

My UNI-playing kid and I were just hashing this concept of how the world has changed over social media. Now we have 8th graders sending out social media announcements about which high schools they are down to choosing from. That is ridiculous. The hype has become so toxic that it is hard to distinguish hype from talent. I think the film is where it shows (when not edited specifically to lie). Fortunately, this kid’s film shows. In his last call with a Washington school that will remain unnamed, the coach argues that he should have 11 FBS offers based on what he sees on tape and team needs.

We’re waiting for those offers to happen.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers Headline of the Day: “FAA lifts temporary closure of airspace over El Paso” They did what where? Why?! Apparently there were “Mexican Cartel” drones flying about and the US Military disabled them. Now if I am reading this right (as a false flag attack) this can be considered a military incursion setting the stage for military intervention into Mexico. Cool.
2. No, not really cool at all. This is going to go badly. Like Tom Clancy Novel turned video game badly…

I almost missed the post over a bad back. I intended to retire it earlier but found myself bedridden. If I’d worked it out earlier I would have done this as a turn back Tuesday and reflected on the last time my body fell into disrepair. I don’t remember when it was but it felt a lot like this. I managed to make it to class but didn’t get out of the desk chair for 2 and a half hours. I taught from behind the desks I probably do that more than I should, but this one made more sense. Getting up was hard. Getting back to the car was harder.

is it supposed to be this way in your 40’s? It was this way in my 40’s to be sure it wasn’t frequent and this is the first major malady of the half century—or after it to be specific

here’s hoping no more follow.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonjers headline of the day: Armchair detective landlord social media as search for Guthrie mom continues… I’m hearing this case is very huge news in NYC. It’s getting more and more traction here in AZ where it’s actually happening.
2. Here’s to a better tomorrow for everyone

Ever get to that point where you’re nearing the end of a draft, you look up and realize you’re short on words? Rarely happens to me but with this most recent project I am discovering exactly how little I apparently have to say on the subject. I have been dodging the writing of it all day as a result, because I got nothing. Not even a little something. I woke up at 2:30 in the morning, meaning I’ve been up for fourteen hours now and I’ve still got nothing. Nada.

Nein.

S, I’m here trying to put ten minutes into a blog and not be distracted. I’m trying to avoid the quick dopamine fix of a youtube video or anything else out there that will keep me from getting back into a work headspace so I can finally grind out this last bit of noise. The cool thing is I know this worked so well on the coast of Victoria, BC. That beach was zen. I had no internet. Nothing but this laptop and the need to grind out more chapters. Here I am trying everything in my power to write and it is teaching me a lot about the man I am vs. the man I want to be. Dang sure I know how to get there if I am willing to put in the work.

Guess I ought to go try it for a little while.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers headline of the day: “Cuba says airlines can no longer refuel on the island as US blockade deepens energy crisis” What are we doing here?

“I think the dryer is on fire,” His son said and then added, “Hey, that rhymes!”

Karim isn’t listening. He is studying the piece of paper in his hand. He found it in his pocket, crumpled like it had been there a while. There are letters written there. It is in his handwriting–his long swoops and curls forming letters that looked closer to hieroglyphs than a living language. No, that’s not quite right. It is different than that. Somewhere between the Japanese Katakana his son stared at on the animes and hieroglyphs. 

“Serioiusly, dad. Do you smell that?”

He does. Dryer lint makes a smell worse than burnt popcorn. More dangerous too, but his eyes never leave the paper. Has he seen these symbols before? His mouth moved numbly, trying to shape sounds from a memory so deep it could’ve been buried before he learned how to speak. 

“Dad?” Small hands on his arms, shaking him. 

The first syllable comes out of him like a moan. He feels each part of the letter move through him. He smells smoke closer now. Maybe in the fireplace?  Hears a snap and a sizzling crash.

“Dad!” Frantic now. Shaking him but he’s too big to move. He has to get the entire word out of him. The last syllable dies in an exhale. He slumps forward, the paper falling from his trembling hand.

There’s a sound, like a boy yelling. His boy?

“Cam, why are you yelling?”

Cameron stares at him frantically; his eyes wide and dumbstruck. Only now does he see the fireplace roaring, the smoke rising from the laundry room at the corner of his eye. The fire alarm is yowling. 

“What did you do, Cam?”

But Cam isn’t listening. He’s staring at a crumpled piece of paper on the floor. There’s something written on it. Karim thinks he’s seen it before. It’s in his own handwriting.

That ought to be the vibe. I am winding down on this last day of the week and winding up for the last football game I need or want to care about until April 25th (UNI Spring Ball). The chance one of my own kids appear in the big game one day is growing. The youngster has gotten offers from Idaho and NAU as of today and his big bro is already at UNI (of Kurt Warner fame). Crazy to think they could be playing each other in two years. Crazier to think they could make the pros. I don’t want to jinx their ride to the top. I just want to watch and smile.

Oh, Super Bowl stuff… also don’t want to jinx. I really think the Seahawks are the better team. I do worry about Maye’s ability to run. He doesn’t run to extend plays, so it isn’t going to be a scramble and throw kind of night, but he does get first downs. Extending the downs is going to be a problem unless they can maintain contain, and it has been a problem. Also… Let’s just hope Sam Darnold is up to the task. I think the Rams game showed that he is.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers Headline of the Day: Republicans rarely criticize Trump in his second term. A racist post briefly changed that
2. I could’ve (and should have) gone with this one: Immigrant whose skull was broken in eight places during ICE arrest says beating was unprovoked
3. Or this one… Especially this one: “What to watch on Day 2 of the Milan Cortina Olympics: Lindsey Vonn goes for gold with torn ACL” She’s doing what?!

Alright, I’m coming around to doing the hard thing.

I think I need to stop playing Slay the Spire for a few weeks. I think I need to avoid games outside of Minecraft for a few weeks. No starting the new. Finish what I need to do and lock in on what really matters in terms of moving forward. Crafting is a pleasant enough respite. Maybe a little bit of Mario with the fam, but mostly I want to keep my focus on what is ahead of me. What’s ahead of me right now is…

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Trump shares a racist video that depicts the Obamas as primates” Yeah, of course he did. I’m certain his supporters will say the man was just making a silly joke and we all take things too seriously, but that’s just what people say when they want the racist thing to be okay. They want the racist thing to be okay. Remember the ‘good old days’ of America where you could say stuff like that and it wasn’t a problem? America was GREAT then. We need to Make America Great Again… Dang, the whole thing is so obvious that it is hardly worth breaking down. The worst part is, I think everyone knows it and simply chooses to avoid discussion because, why discuss?
2. I’m learning that in order to have friendships, you need to work at it on your end as well. I legitimately don’t have any real work friends. I’ve been fading at the social end of the job spectrum for a decade, but now I am not even a ghost. Not sure I’m totally okay with that, but I feel mostly okay with that. My focus on the students hasn’t faded at all, which is the most important part to me. That being said, one of the things I’ve long brought to the table was establishing a sense of community amongst my peers. That is probably what I’ve been best at over the course of my life. Yet, whenever I do establish a community–a really good community–that beasts tends to grow without me and away from me. This is the cycle of things in my 50+ years of existence. I’m a fringe guy. Not a core guy. Yet I help build that core.
3. It is cool how reading a passage or hearing a term can totally refresh the dedication to a concept or at least give it some new life. I have this ten book series in my mind, and it is based on these principles (commandments). I just learned a new one today and it felt like blood moving through old veins. One day in the next five years I’ll go write that stuff. Once I clear off my old plate of food…

The internet died, which means I cannot access any of the writing I am doing on the google docs app. The problem with the cloud is that it’s not on the ground next to you. I mean, there are several problems with the cloud, but that’s the one that has me by the throat right now.

I’m trying to finish some drafts that needed to be in long before today. I got behind for a number of reasons, but here I am and lacking a great deal of the inspiration I thought I would have by this point. The lack of inspiration in general is becoming a problem for me as a writer. I want to write. I do not want to write what I am writing at present. I don’t have ideas for what I am doing and I don’t really know what it is I want to write otherwise. I used to spend 30 minutes a day building this fantasy realm, but I stopped doing that. I stopped focusing chunks of time on specific projects entirely. All of that stemmed from getting jammed up on my last novel and not being able to split focus with anything else. However, when the novel ended, so did all of my productivity. There were remnants. I squeezed out a couple more projects. I started to run down like a dying battery and eventually wound up where I am now.

This is part of why the 10 minute rule exists. Let the writing engine stay idling as opposed to shutting down entirely. Yet, it is not nearly enough. I’m mentally cooked right now and need a reset.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers headline of the day: “Covering the world in carpet contaminated a region and came with a price no one wants to pay”

I’m already in bed and this is not the way. I should’ve done this earlier but sometimes the day gets away from me. What I want is to have days that feel good; feel productive in all aspects of the life. What I have is not that. My days are loaded with work and envy and often disappointment. I’m not just talking about my daily failure to slay the spire (just let me do this so I can move on!!!) . I’m talking about life and how I’m watching myself live it and how I’m watching the people I love live it and squander it. We are so wasteful of this gift we’ve been given—this opportunity to experience so much and to create so much either in our own experience and or for others. I am more mindful of this each day as I continue to move back towards making time in my life for genuine reading and time for writing what matters to my heart.

I’ve been long removed from good writing. I’d argue I’ve failed to be truly productive in 2026. That’s a month of waste I can never reclaim. I mean for it to NOT be two. I have to get back to writing and reading and creating interesting things. I was good at that once. I lost something along the way, but I want to believe I can find it anew—not become what I was but become something great.

Always forward.

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers headline of the day: Epstein files rife with uncensored nudes and victims’ names, despite redaction efforts

I don;’t expect every day to be a good day, but damn, can I get one? If that sounds like a sound byte level statement usually relegated to the end of the post and probably tagged in a numbered list, it is. In fact, it is all I really have the mental and physical energy to say. In fact, all I plan to do today is fill in…

Some Thoughts:

1. Bonkers headline of the day: “States scramble to gerrymander US House districts after Trump sought edge in midterm elections” I’ve been reading The Ballad of Black Tom, which is already a head trip, but to see it in the context of what is happening now feels a little too terrifying.
2. Here’s another piece of madness I read: The original Vietnamese document titled “The 2nd U.S. Invasion Plan” was completed by the Ministry of Defense in August 2024. It suggests that in seeking “its objective of strengthening deterrence against China, the U.S. and its allies are ready to apply unconventional forms of warfare and military intervention and even conduct large-scale invasions against countries and territories that ‘deviate from its orbit.’”
3. We are in quite the odd times, you and I. More and more I stumble into feeling that I am not writing about the right things and the moment that is happening is passing me by without me truly speaking out or saying enough about it. But what is there to actually say? We all know it is wrong. We all know what it remind us of. We all feel powerless to stop it or at least don’t care enough to try. So many people don’t see it as making any serious difference–like a stain on a coat or a blip. Yet I don’t feel like this is a blip anymore. “They” planned too long to make this happen and managed to align with the ‘right’ leader to push it over the edge.