Author: admin

It never fails. I get off to a pretty good start in the morning, working through some writing task or schoolwork and building up a head of steam for the day. I pause to take a break and reward myself for a job well done and then BOOM. I am done. I’m no longer in that productive headspace and I’m walking around trying to figure out what happened and where the fire went. The problem happens almost every day. I can finish a handful of tasks before the clip scrapes empty. The question is, how do I quickly reload?

I think I need to write a book. I think the book ought to have a handful of midday starters that, based on brain science, trigger the brain to reignite after a lull. For me the issue seems to be that the break takes me so completely out of the proper headspace that a map and a compass don’t do the trick to get me back to where I belong. Minecraft references not withstanding, it is important to have a grip on your headspace. Understanding the things that get you going and the things that pull you out is key to a productive day. Sometimes it can be the work environment itself that is not conducive to sucking you back into the zone. My office sucks. The one at home was pretty decent until the kitten invasion, and the one at work is anything but conducive to productive thought. So, yeah, maybe an office makeover helps. But who can afford that?

A more realistic approach, for me at least, seems to be the discovery of those triggers that put me in the proper mindset to function. Some people have a writing ritual they go through at the start of their process. I have no such thing but there are elements of buddhist meditation and key writings that could be strung together to form such a thing. That’s one option.

As we speak I’m trying the ten minute rule as an option to swing back into headspace. However, I’m already considering going down to the campus coffee shop post two minutes from now in order to quench my thirst.

The fact is, I don’t quite have the secrets to the mystery that is my own writing and working process. I often don’t have that thrust to get started. Eventually it just happens, but understanding how it happens seems to be key to replicating it and refining that process in the future. I’ll consider a future work in progress.

For now, I think it is time to lap up some coffee-like drink.

Some Thoughts:

1. The Brady suspension reversal is a big deal for the league. It means that the league doesn’t have final say in its own disciplinary affairs…
2. How come they didn’t go to bat for Adrien Peterson like that?

 

I’ve been teaching my students about socialization again, and I’ve been using the Hot-Crazy matrix as a tool for understanding how some people think and questioning why. I keep on expecting the matrix to piss people off–especially women who are, by the nature of the matrix, utterly demeaned and devalued. My expectations always fall short. In truth, the ladies laugh and say, ‘that’s true because I know someone who is hot and crazy and women are always crazy.’ When I follow up by asking if they themselves are crazy, the answer is always no.

Here’s what I’ve learned about the world from this: We always tend to act against our own self-interests if doing so makes us feel part of an in-crowd or aloof. We see it in politics when the ultra-poor appalachians are voting for the super rich republicans who want to release restrictions on businesses and cut the ‘welfare state’ services that the appalachians need to survive. I saw it with the Hot-crazy where all of the women in the class loved the video and laughed alongside the guys but never identified themselves as someone being discussed in the video.

I don’t have a clue what to do with this information. I know it is real and it is problematic overall, but I don’t know how to apply my understanding in any way that isn’t evil–i.e. me taking advantage of that situation to create my own empire.

I just wish we didn’t all work in stereotypes and existed in a realm where individuals were seen as such and not classified and grouped and tagged like so many sheep…

I was reminded by a student today that what we do in the classroom matters long beyond the reach of the classroom. It is an important reminder, because already I found myself becoming detached from the experiences of the composition classroom–not because I don’t love teaching those courses, but because the creative writing students so obviously want to be in that space and the others seem trapped there; required to live out their semester under my reluctant authority. Yet this isn’t true. The encouraging message came from a composition student and yet another pulled me aside earlier in the day to just say hi and let me know he was still around. So, I learned something: The energy and desire with which we approach a task translates to those receiving that task.

One of the things that make me the happiest is when students are successful and they light up and they act as though something they’ve learned has impact beyond the classroom. I’m not the best classroom teacher. I’m not necessarily the guy you want as your technical writing instructor. As a novelist I’m about creating a piece of writing that tells a story and does so in an engaging way. I can work you through the rules of syntax, but my heart lives in the ability to help you discover both voice and desire for the craft of writing. This combination lends itself well to the creative writing prefix, but often falls flat with composition where students are likely to have a history of stern, essay driven instruction. In truth, the discovery process drives my teaching vs. the structure of an essay. I want them to learn something and then discover the voice with which to share that something to an audience.

 

Apologies for the creative yet completely silly title, but that is where my headspace is right now. You cannot talk fantasy football and not feel at least a little bit silly. That being said, lets put ten minutes o the clock and let it rip!

Surprises
I shouldn’t have any of these left at this point in my ‘fantasy career’ but every year something nutty goes down in at least one draft. In the league I’ve been with the longest, one of my fellow players drafted a team that is 50% injured or suspended through week 4. I guess he is looking for the late push?

The biggest surprise was the Seattle team. Now, I get that we all love our teams, but this dude drafted nothing but Seattle players for the first 4 rounds and ended up with about 75% of his roster being nothing but Seahawks. I suppose he is willing to eat the week 9 bye week loss, just to remain a symbol of the 12th man. I think he’s going to eat more than the one loss overall…

Victories
Draft day is where seasons can be won or lost. I had the first pick in my 2 QB league draft and snagged Le’Veon Bell. Truth be told, this was an auto pick. I wanted to get AP and watch him redeem himself, but I was late to the draft, because, life. Still I scored some big victories with my RBs on that team while managing to grab Romo and the Cutlet’s dad. I still cannot shake the memory of Michael Irvin working out with the Bears receiving corps and that group making some dazzling catches and Irvin sitting back like, I don’t have hands like that. This didn’t pay out last season but I believe it will now. If not, I grabbed RGIII for a song.

Flyers
I took a chance on Vic Cruz and Darren McFadden. I believe in McFadden more than Cruz this year even, but I acknowledge that both are risky picks. When the snake came round my way late in the draft I risked it all and connected the 1-2 pick. Later that same draft I snagged Jonas Gray and everybody laughed at me.

We’ll see who is laughing week 2.

I’ve been struggling to come to terms with a lot of things in life. Some big, some small. Some made of words, others of emotions. Choices, stratagems, shortcomings, goals–all making up the terms on which I choose to lead my life. Terms. The word itself invokes a sense of surrender that I once was very uncomfortable with. When I was a kid and secure in my belief that I would one day have and do everything I’d ever found whimsy to imagine, the thought of terms never occurred to me. As a man, cautious, aware, and wounded, I am still uncomfortable with terms, but I recognize that they occasionally provide me with solace and structure, creating livable meaning in an existence wrought with possibility.

We are who we allow ourselves to be. This is no platitude. It is a time worn truth visited over and again through literature, parenting, and even religion. We can be who or whatever we want, so long as we allow ourselves the space, time, and dedication to rise above the barriers set before us. We can do, so long as the terms we set for ourselves are absolute and driven.

On the other hand, we are one and all limited by terms. We choose to live our lives in service of our needs–first physical and then mental. It is the combination of those–the mental poker that occurs when we decide anything–that causes us to live in the space we choose or simply choose to accept.

Most of us are stuck.

Most of us look at the bonds of what holds us and say, ‘that is just how it is.’ but it isn’t hardly ever that way. I grew up in Harlem in the 70’s and 80’s. Stereotypically, I should be on drugs and in jail but neither are real. In truth, my ‘hood offered me those choices and also offered me the choice to be more. I chose more.

Many will argue that I had help, and I don’t argue that I did. I sought out help and created a means for success. At some point I grew fat on success and stopped trying. I cam to terms with my reality and withered greatly. Therein lies the truth and the rub. My complacency; my inability to continue to grow bore a psychological cancer in me that I continue to treat this day.

I still have to deal with the ice of terms, but being more aware of it allows me to better create the terms of my life moving forward, and never ever settle for sitting still.

Amidst a chorus of barking dogs and churning air conditioners I write through the Phoenix night. It isn’t the wisest of times to find the words. Last night was another nail in the coffin of the theory that I can still be productive at that point in the evening (of course, that time frame is way beyond evening). Part of being the best version of yourself is making the best choices you can make, and writing during that time frame clearly isn’t one of them.

Instead of doing the not so bright stuff–i.e. doing what is easy–I need to re-jigger my focus on doing what is wise and helps me grow as a human and keeps me grounded. That is so much more easier said than actually done. Unfortunately there isn’t ‘one weird trick’ to help me out there. I just gotta grind out some serious hard work and stick to a schedule.

It also means reducing the hours of video games played to a reasonable number. This is, of course right when I’ve picked up the new Madden… such is the way life goes sometimes and perhaps the way life should go.

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m considering putting together a kitten obstacle course in my office. These little ones are completely ready to play and have fun. If a mesh garbage can is entertaining them then an obstacle course ought to be super fun. I’ll involve the boys. They may have some cool ideas.

Once in a while I mention the great work happening over on the sci-fi channel. The USA network affiliate is pushing post-earth space fiction pretty hard. I’m not talking space opera here or hard science (though that would be epic). I’m talking about colonized space, often stories about the Rim Worlds that are held by corporate or royal forces and the stories that dot those worlds. The arrival of The Expanse in December only furthers my belief that this is going to be a trend or even a movement.

Down the road I’m going to give a more productive post about this growing trend, but for now I’m going to check out because it is super late and I’m deleting and retyping words that are repeatedly being misspelled. It eats at my ten… and my patience.

Some Thoughts:

1. My eldest went to his first school dance today and had a blast. Life is very good, no matter the complications.

I sat down with my screenplay class to dissect the opening story beats in Collateral. I noticed something for the first time: How much of the Cruise character is developed outside of the actor himself. He is literally a study in contrasts. It starts with the Jason Statham meet up at the very beginning. Where Cruise is hairy (facial and head), Statham is bald and very reserved. Even the British accent builds a contrast between him and Cruise, which, given everything we know about Statham as an archetype, is meant to tell the viewer something.

The contrast continues when you look at the female lead (Jada Pinkett-Smith). She is dark skinned with eyes lightened around the edges to an almost white color. Cruise is pale with sunglasses. These two characters are meant to contrast each other–a fact already established by the initial in-car conversations that both have with Jamie Foxx.

Cruise is the Antagonist in the film, and he is designed to play off both the female and male leads as a larger-than-life individual whose presence far outstrips his minimal size. He and Foxx toy openly with the idea of control as they enter the driver/passenger dynamic but also throughout the conversation with jabs and queries about the life of Foxx outside of the cab company–information he was forced to give Cruise but willingly offered to Pinkett-Smith.

The first twenty minutes of the film represents roughly six pages of actual dialogue, which means that a lot of this character creation is purely driven by the visual aspects of the film as well as the diegetic and especially non-diegetic elements (which frequently are the same sounds moved in and out of the story world) as a way to create POV.

This Darabont/Mann production represents for me a small explosion of wonder in film and I am grateful to be able to use it in a class.

Turns out after a certain distance of years students stop recognizing adults as even being human. I think I will call this the Peanuts effect, though I am certain an actual trained psychologist uncovered the age disparity conflict and I just don’t know it. It reared its ugly head in class today when my students were getting to know each other and having conversations about subjects they felt only pertained to them and I actually understood.

Minds blown.

They were talking about dealing with roommates and figuring out meals and the uncomfortable necessity of what, in the John Hughes days, was known as the sock on door compact. You would think they forgot I ever went to college or had roommates or even understood the basics of person to person physical attraction.

I’m 40. I’m not paleolithic or anything. Moreover the conflicts they are talking about are timeless. It doesn’t end there though. Often 18 yr olds describe 25 as ‘ancient’ often using other more heinous terms to describe the thirties and anything over that doesn’t even compute. I was likely the same way, assuming these oldies were so far removed from my reality that they had no concept of what it even looked like.

Now I’m living on the other side of that reality and wondering why and how the young bucks can e so very stupid. But is it stupid at all?

They orbit a set of activities and organizational elements that are indeed foreign to me. I don’t use tinder. My pintrest is woeful. I have never have and never will acquire a snapchat. I think Juicy J is an idiot. Drake is powerfully overrated. I live in the haze of B.I.G. and remember when Jay-Z was still just that wack dude that everyone ignored.

I recognize that Tupac is actually dead.

Now I know I’m belittling an entire generation in some ways by making my stuff sound better than theirs but that too appears to be part of the generational gap. Our stuff is always better than their stuff. Its better than the new and better than the old and entirely ours. This is perhaps the insular situation that creates a sense of dismissal of past generations and often an abject distaste or disregard or disappointment (I’m about them D’s today) when thinking about the ‘next generation’. I remember when one past generation called itself the ‘best generation’. What kind of madness is that. So, for the rest of creation you guys are the pinnacle? It is all downhill from there?

Somehow every generation seems to feel that way for a time. Somehow every generation forgets that their elders went through a lot of the same stuff and dealt with it in a lot of the same ways. I wish more of us saw that and more of us communicated. Maybe the generations would be closer.

Maybe we wouldn’t be quite so worried about the kids screwing everything up.

I found a few minutes this evening to sit down and test out the new Madden 16 on the PS4. I chose the Giants, because thats how I roll–at least it was until I played them. I think Madden got it right with the team, trading the excitement of Beckham’s energy, ability, and personality for the lack of all three emanating from the G-men’s O-line. Still, sometimes realistic is just a bit too realistic and I’m left to wonder if Madden is good or just accurate. Either way, the game is one more thing: over the top.

The Ps4 version has been rebuilt from the ground up. I spent some time in the beginning forced into a strange tutorial that picks up early in a Steelers v. Cardinals game. At key moments in the game I was directed to try to catch a pass or intercept one and other in-game promises that read like a who’s who of world class game element design. The stuff they put in isn’t only good, it feels crucial to the two plus decade old franchise that birthed it. Still, the presentation of the add on’s felt forced and non-engaging, if only for the reason that I have no desire to walkthrough with a team I’d never be playing with on my own.

I’ve barely scratched the surface of the franchise. I only had time for one regular season game, a brutal thumping courtesy of the Cowboys. I did enjoy the level of competition, though it exposes my many weaknesses in trying to move from a three to a four.

Time and practice will make perfect.