I’ve been struggling to come to terms with a lot of things in life. Some big, some small. Some made of words, others of emotions. Choices, stratagems, shortcomings, goals–all making up the terms on which I choose to lead my life. Terms. The word itself invokes a sense of surrender that I once was very uncomfortable with. When I was a kid and secure in my belief that I would one day have and do everything I’d ever found whimsy to imagine, the thought of terms never occurred to me. As a man, cautious, aware, and wounded, I am still uncomfortable with terms, but I recognize that they occasionally provide me with solace and structure, creating livable meaning in an existence wrought with possibility.
We are who we allow ourselves to be. This is no platitude. It is a time worn truth visited over and again through literature, parenting, and even religion. We can be who or whatever we want, so long as we allow ourselves the space, time, and dedication to rise above the barriers set before us. We can do, so long as the terms we set for ourselves are absolute and driven.
On the other hand, we are one and all limited by terms. We choose to live our lives in service of our needs–first physical and then mental. It is the combination of those–the mental poker that occurs when we decide anything–that causes us to live in the space we choose or simply choose to accept.
Most of us are stuck.
Most of us look at the bonds of what holds us and say, ‘that is just how it is.’ but it isn’t hardly ever that way. I grew up in Harlem in the 70’s and 80’s. Stereotypically, I should be on drugs and in jail but neither are real. In truth, my ‘hood offered me those choices and also offered me the choice to be more. I chose more.
Many will argue that I had help, and I don’t argue that I did. I sought out help and created a means for success. At some point I grew fat on success and stopped trying. I cam to terms with my reality and withered greatly. Therein lies the truth and the rub. My complacency; my inability to continue to grow bore a psychological cancer in me that I continue to treat this day.
I still have to deal with the ice of terms, but being more aware of it allows me to better create the terms of my life moving forward, and never ever settle for sitting still.