Author: admin

I could have named this blog ‘zero in’ because that is the topic i’ve been dwelling on. The mantra of the summer has been ‘do the home projects you dream about’ and many of them were completed. What I didn’t–and should have–done is focus internally, working to strengthen my core in both the physical and metaphysical sense. I didn’t, because the wounds of 2015 are still very raw and change, though incremental, is yielding results.

Had a good talk tonight about the idea of making time. In reality it is more about carving out a space of the time that already exists and is devoted to other things and devoting that time to yourself. More importantly, the ‘you time’ needs to come first. Its like they say on the plane rides, ‘secure your mask first’

I believe that every step of this difficult journey towards self actualization yields a micro-change in goals and ability. I fear that too often people get so far away from who they wanted to be that they spend the time thinking about how they got there as opposed to recognizing the incredible people they’ve become.

I could no more be the person I intended to be than I could sprout wings and fly like a 2D character in a Red Bull promo. The intention was built on a limited understanding of the world and my person. The reality is a shifting miasma of identity and action.

Think about the last decade plus of mass shootings. not only have we seen a major increase in mass shootings, but out mass media has entirely dismissed these shootings under two excuses: Mental Health Issues and Terrorism. The result has been a shift of the narrative away from any real conversation about violence.

I want to push this even deeper towards a national discourse on race. The fact is that every publicized mass shooting by a white male has been dismissed with this short disclaimer ‘He had mental health issues’ Likewise every mass shooting by a black person has been under the header of terrorism. So, I am to believe that the only black people who kill en masse are doing so under the behest of Allah and the only white people who do so are bat shit crazy? First of all, if you think that killing in the name of your God is going to get you into heaven, you too are bat shit crazy. But that isn’t the narrative. Even the narrative of ‘mental health issues’ is suspect. What mental health issues? Why do we allow that disclaimer to override their often anti-government slants?

I think the so-called gun lobby is ridiculously powerful. The narrative has been any effort to create gun law is an attack on the constitution. Of course, other efforts to remove rights created by our bill of rights have been openly attacked without the blowback any politician gets for even mentioning guns without attaching the Hestonian, ‘from my cold dead hands’

This inability to really consider why violence is occurring is hurting us as a society. We want to ignore the violence and even deny it. I hear more on a daily basis about how Sandy Hook was a hoax than I do about the concept that a grown man would storm a school and kill 20 kids, or the conditions that created such behavior. Well, he had ‘mental health issues’ so I guess we can dismiss that shooting and the most recent theatre shooting as stuff best forgotten or overlooked.

Tell that to the victims in Louisiana.

I had the opportunity to sit down and get some hard work done. The work involved moving books and building a bookshelf. It isn’t writing, but it is a pleasant reminder of the work of writing. The BIC, or Butt in Chair of writing is perhaps the most difficult to really do consistently, and the most beneficial. Writing is about rhythm, and that only really comes with practice. I watch friends crank out six mont novels and stand gaping, but all that means is that they spent the time developing patters for for how to get that done.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. The jump in numbers represents the realization that I went through the 1890’s twice–or at least started to. So this course correction should get me in the right number range–and right era. How long before I pass 2015?

There are approximately 321 million people living in the United States. That puts us as the 3rd largest nation in the world behind India (2) and China (1). Our population density falls somewhere around 85 people per mile. Contrast this with, say, the Gaza Strip, which is somewhere closer to 10,000 or even the aforementioned India, who happens to be about as large as us but has around 950 people per mile. All of that shakes out to show that we have a lot of space and a huge amount of control of the world’s wealth.

In other words, the U.S.A is kind of the shit.

I’m not certain I mean that in a entirely good way. With great power comes great responsibility, and I don’t think it is un-American to admit that we’ve done (and continue to do) some things wrong–not because we are evil, but because the core American philosophy is capitalism. In other words, the bottom line is the bottom line for us, and like the pope said, it cannot all be about money.

We like to say that we are doing things for the greater good and for security. We are in the middle east to ‘protect our interests’ one day and prevent terrorists from attacking our shores the next. When we do true humanitarian work we are chided by one political party or the other about wasting lives, money, and time on other people’s problems.

The USA has a tremendous opportunity to shape the next 500 years. The only question is, what do we want to shape it like?

 

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m about ready to get off the bench.

After much deliberation I’ve decided to focus my teaching theme this year on heroes. While I teach a variety of prefixes, most classes follow the same theme, making it easier for me to research and gather material for the students to analyze. The material is viewed in different ways by different classes. Sociology, for example, will be studying the role of heroes in the social makeup of communities. We’ll do this through local, regional, national, and global lenses in order to think about where certain heroes are most popular and how heroes change across cultures.

I’m really curious as to whether or not the kids will see hero worship as a response to socialization (reinforcement) or as a tool (indoctrination) or some variation therein. I’m super excited about the opportunity to straight up geek out in class about heroes. Last night while I was watching American Sniper I recognized the depth of material available in regards to heroes. Everything from local news to children’s lit to blockbusters is laced with hero worship. These icons we turn to come to be meaningful in a systematic way.

Its good to be excited about school again.

Some Thoughts:

1. I am the tooth fairy. I thought I’d go ahead and get that out there, so there are no surprises when I say that last night my eldest lost a tooth and wasn’t properly compensated. Fortunately, the forgetfulness of the fairy was mitigated by the fact that the mid-kid apparently stole #1’s freshly fallen tooth and stuffed it under his own pillow in an effort to make quick profit. That’s cold business right there. Watch out, Trump. The next generation is dirtier than you are.
2. August 25th is Madden release. November (17?) is Star Wars Battle  front release. I have a very small window of opportunity to actually experience life between said games.

I realized far too late that my son’s cat was pregnant.

This revelation was quickly followed by the understanding that she would expect to have these babies and I would have to do something about it. Before you protest, I know cats have been popping out cat-lets for a ridiculous amount of time. My intervention in the process is likely not a requirement for safe birthing. True, but what if something goes wrong and the feline goes down or nothing goes wrong and she has an actual litter of cat-lets.

The thought of the situation terrifies me. Not only do I not respond well to medical situations having to do with pets, the idea of failed birth is too much to take. What do you do with any of it? I want to be there for the kid’s cat (and quietly regret the beast entirely at this point) and I will be there, cringing and trying to handle business. Apparently cat birth is my kryptonite.

So, after this all goes down the cats will need a home. I’d offer mine but I already have a cat. At most I could support one additional feline situation but more than likely I’ll need to separate from whatever number arrives intact. This blog then is for local takers. I’m interested in giving these things a good home that doesn’t have me living in it. If anyone is willing to snag a kitty, the offer stands…

Some Thoughts:

1. Last night was a disappointment writing-wise, and a lesson. Nuff said.

If i’m being honest with myself, I didn’t want to write tonight. I kept myself up way too late playing Minecraft and watching old TV shows. The fact is, without some form of regulatory system I would be a daily mess; hot mess of the day, even. There is an expiration date on how long I can stay up and still be coherent. On average, 11 PM is my present breaking point.

In the past, so much of what I needed to do in life began at 11. As a result I was always playing catch up with sleep and productivity. Unfortunately, that time frame generally leads to a lot of staring at the screen and trying to figure out what to write…

Apparently the answer is nothing.

Its really hard to watch a Paul Rudd movie and not think about how funny and amazing the dude is at being the screen version of himself. That is why it was no surprise that, when the credits ran, Paul Rudd had a writing credit for the film. You can tell throughout that this was all about creating a dynamic and funny character that will be the perfect comic relief (alongside the Spectacular Spiderman) for a future Avengers movie. As for the Ant Man movie itself, there were moments of greatness and moments that treaded the edges of stupid.

I would give this movie a much higher rating if they would just remove the storyline/conflict between Rudd and his ex wife’s new beau. It is a dumb plot device that seems to have little value other than giving us that redemption storyline. Sadly, that storyline is too contrived to be believable. Without spoilers I can tell you that Paul Rudd is a convicted felon and his ex’s new dude is a cop. Insert classic movie trope here indeed.

What it lacked in deep and intricate storytelling it made up for in fun characterization. The story swirls around the Scott Lang character and his fairly one dimensional cohorts. The ‘bad guys’ are thinly written and even more poorly represented on screen. In truth, it isn’t about the bad guys at all. Ant Man is about Scott Lang forming a bond with Pym and becoming the Ant Man.

Is that enough for a movie? Not really. I enjoyed what there was, however minus the beautiful scenery and fun action scenes, there isn’t much of a story there to tell.

Some Thoughts:

1. There are two after credit scenes for Ant Man. The second is especially relevant to the upcoming Civil War movie, but it seems slightly contrived. Regardless, stick around, true fans. There is enough there to get you pumped.

When I was a kid my mother’s favorite phrase was, ‘Not everything is black and white’ It never quite rang true to me. When I started learning–really learning–about science and computers it became clear that everything does pare down to a black and white argument–a zero or a one, yes or a no. What creates nuance and complexity is the way these binary choices stack upon each other to form something unique and seemingly original.

Yes or no is the simplest response to any given command line. Yes, or execute indicates a willingness to form a connection, to bind oneself to the matter in a fashion that makes exfiltration difficult. No is a denial of service, a rejection of ideology that helps maintain the status quo. Individually, A yes is a yes and a no is a no, but stacked upon each other in a chain of commands that lead to a single response.

Yes and no linked in sequence formed a maybe. A repeated sequence of  yes’s and no’s form a script and a script is echoed into behaviors and trends and stereotypes, finally entirely belief systems structured, ordered, and traced back to a zero or a one.

This is an absolutely true story.

The girl fluctuated between serious and silly, each story building upon the last, a tower of tales offering a glimpse into her true mood. There were poems and glimpses; looks behind the curtain of her psyche that moved me closer to understanding her. She said, “I don’t like writing true stories. When you write down the truth it leaves your mind. Thats why I always hold a little something back so that a piece of the story is still with me in my memories.”

I didn’t want to believe her. My feelings ran opposite of her own. I told stories to never forget. I wrote them down in the moment and sometimes after I’d had a chance to reflect, the latter creating stories more built on the fantasy of what should have happened versus the reality that did. The stories I wrote down were always based on the real. I told her that even my fiction was real in some small way. Either a relationship, or emotion, or a taste at the back of my tongue, all of it originated from a life lived.

“I couldn’t do that. If I told all my stories I’d be empty. There would be nothing left of me that wasn’t on the page.”

Nothing that belonged to only her, maybe, but wasn’t that the true point? Didn’t she want to echo the way I wanted to echo. I wanted to be heard so that my experiences could affect someone else going through the choices I went through.

“But then they are no longer your own.”

I asked her what an empty version of herself looked like and imagined bone and black space floating beneath her skin. I imagined a head that pleaded for stories, for shards of memory to orient herself in a past that led her to a present and into the future. I imagined all of these things but said, “Maybe you’re right in one sense. The memories I hold to tightest I’ve never shared on paper. Not because I was afraid to lose them, but because I had nothing to do with them in story.”

I feared she was like me; she was a writer deep down but was afraid that story was something more than she was capable of and that her experience was not the ephemeral human sort but the stuff of bad nickelodeon and made for TV lifetime dramas. I call that life fuel, and she claims that fuel burns until nothing is left but the dust of the memories that powered your words.