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late Tuesday eve and I am blogging from the phone because I didn’t get it done in the office earlier in the day. I didn’t get a lot of what I wanted done today but I do feel like I made progress. I got a little bit off my plate and found myself a step closer to creating a mental schedule that makes sense. Now I need to execute and get on page with what I need to be doing every day and not slipping back into the land of not writing…

of course I am also blogging from bed so…

it feels like I have a lot of loose threads being tugged and in need to tie them up as I roll into the first week of classes. I’m not properly excited for the school stuff—largely because I am not properly prepared. I expect to get the office back in shape tomorrow and then sketch out a schedule where I can be productive and have the time with my partner and family I want and even carve out a little me time that isn’t writing—read: game

I stumbled into a chain of progressively more awkward conversations tonight only realizing three in that they were in fact the same conversation with the same purpose, though the subject matter shifted. What it was really about was an outpouring of negativity. The boys in question were talking badly about everything as if as a part of an exercise to get it out of their system. I hope it worked. My inclusion in the conversation only made it tougher for what they were apparently trying to accomplish. I suppose their vocal release is the equivalent of how I play some video games. I need to get it out of my system and until I do it just builds up and makes me a worse human being. Instead of calling this the negativity cycle I probably should have called it outlets, because thats what I am really talking about and what is really going on in these interactions.

Some Thoughts:

1. Tripping and stressed out tonight. No clue what brought it on. I just need to get out of that cycle.
2. Looking forward to practice tomorrow.
3. Not looking forward to Madden so much. The entire thing is loosing its luster. I think they’ve gone in a wrong direction by focusing on next gen and forgetting the millions who still play current gen. It is a mess.

I gotta be honest: watching my kid’s former youth football team be more successful after we left hurts a little. Obviously they were trending towards that level of success, so it is no surprise. The coaching is solid and the talent has increased across the board. It does conjure old feelings of failure from as far back as I can remember of teams I’ve been a part of getting better when I leave. Of course, correlation is not causation. The only reason I could play D1 football was because the team sucked and was desperate to cultivate talent when they couldn’t recruit it. Same goes for semi-pro. As for this situation here: It shouldn’t be a situation at all. To be clear, I should not care and should not focus on it at all… yet here we are. Whenever I hear about them I do in fact tune in and pay attention to what is happening. It is just my personality and competitive spirit to want to dive in and learn all I can and hoard scores and figure out who is doing what, etc…

I suppose you could call me an obsessive compulsive person to a point. I want to be all in all the time, but as I age (ungracefully) I am learning to temper these thoughts and feelings and become someone who strikes a more precious balance. It is active work. I have to tell myself not to look into these football things when they pop up. It is hard work. I am still learning how to do it. Normally, I rely on cross addiction. If I get obsessive about A and A is unhealthy then I try to focus on B, which is supposed to be a healthier obsession. I recognize on the surface that it doesn’t fix the problem. Like delayed gratification, it is not something that comes easily or often. Yet the work continues…

This is not the Novell either. No, this is a late night Saturday blog following a big energy draining day and practically no sleep from the night before. It’s what you call one of those free thought and waning state of mind blogs. I’ve had a day full of sports practices, driving around, dealing with my oft obnoxious and privileged kids and launching the final dragon ball hunt.

The last one is worth conversation we launched the hunt successfully after a series of website and creative process driven false starts. Some of it was me just being an ass but some of it was tech and some of it was uncertainty about the direction of this last hunt. We persevered and launched the challenge which ended a little bit ago. They earned multiple dragon balls—theee of the seven!

it only gets harder from here. The next challenge is very Canadian, and I’ll explain more about after they solve the clues to get there. I’m thinking a cipher clue…

all in all it’s been a physical day and I’m drained. Thankfully these ten minutes blogging on this phone are up. I can finally rest.

“It is impossible to be successful if you spend all your time looking for instant gratification.” says Author Mawi Asgedom. I think he’s hit the problem of the modern generation. We have very short attention spans and a high expectation of instant gratification that is attached to all of these short form versions of entertainment that get us quick-hit joy moments that don’t last and, beyond that, are not entirely fulfilling. Lasting gratification is a thing that must be earned and as a result we have fewer and fewer people who seem capable of sustaining what is required to reach that joy. As a result we have reconfigured success to being good at these moments–to being a good gamer overnight, to being an overnight sensation, to being someone who gets all the glory but doesn’t put in any of the work.

The idea of working hard for ten years and reaching success is, well, crazy. Who does that? I don’t even think I have that left in myself. It takes a lot more energy to get to the point where you are willing to sustain that output long enough for delayed gratification. That’s the argument I am making here: It is harder to get up for something that is going to take a while to do. It takes less to do what is easy. It takes more to do what is hard. Now, this simple aphorism isn’t new, but I think it bears considering. What message does it send? Does that realization make you feel like, yes I need to work hard or does it leave you feeling for the easier path? I truly believe that is a reflection on the self.

Which brings me back to writing. Putting together a story is not easy work. It is hard and grueling and often results in abject failure. However, the reward is worth the energy. The understanding that you’ve created a lasting piece of work is worth the work you put in to make that a reality.

I spent the past two days on the beach enjoying the last gasps of vacation before the school year kicks in for my partner and I. This was a much needed vacation–not in the sense that we needed to get away again after already having a wonderful almost three weeks in Seattle, but in the sense that we needed a really good cali run and I feel like we got exactly that out of this trip.

So, what does that mean? Well, we were looking forward to spending quality time together as a couple–a pair–a partnership and enjoying what it felt like to be out in the sand and under the sun and not having to worry about the other aspects of our lives that hold such time and attention. Mission accomplished. Love needs that. Love needs time between two people because the rest of the world actively works against love. I know this because my first marriage failed because we weren’t together and purely about each other for any real time and after a while we weren’t about each other hardly at all. The thing that binds a couple together has to be the couple and not the circumstance or the kids or any of that stuff. I’m grateful to be in a partnership where I am in it purely because I’m about her and she is in it purely because she is about me.

Some Thoughts:

1. To begin: I’m super happy to be coaching this year. I feel like I’m going out on top and getting to a place where I understand the people responsible for the activity where my kids spend all their time and these are the right people to help them grow. That makes me happy.
2. That being said, I am equally happy to go through the experience knowing the end is in sight. Already there is talk of a spring team and all that blah blah. Yeah, I am out. Kid is gonna focus on training up outside of the organized sport and come back in the spring of 23 ready to build his own path to high school success.
3. This is the final Dragon Ball hunt! the hunt begins this weekend. It is time for it to be over as well. I worry at least one of the two is too old for it, and it isn’t the older one…

Welcome to the two part pre-draft edition of the Waiver Wire. The goal for these next two Wednesday’s is to figure out who is worth drafting and who is not in light of the upcoming NFL season. This is a positional look, but also a look at what order to grab your players, so here we go:

The Strategy

I play PPR leagues. While the point rules vary within each, one thing is certain: The number of balls you catch directly translate into points. In one league the QB points far supersedes this number, so in that league a QB is gold. In the other two it is about them hands, so my suggestion is to pick a RB or WR that has a high catch volume first. So, I’m going to start there

Running Backs

Christian McCaffery a.k.a Run CMC ought to be the first pick in all draft formats this year. Though injured last season, he has been a consistent point horse for his entire career and serves as the backbone of the Panthers offense. Are there legitimate questions about what that offense is going to look like under new leadership? Yes, but we saw the answer last year pre-injury: More of the CMC show.

Somewhere nearby Alvin Kamera is screaming ‘Cap!’ with all the truth and ferocity of a multi-time pro-bowler. The man is not wrong, and while both he and McCaffery are dealing with new QBs, he is dealing with a crowded backfield as well. CMC doesn’t have a reliable back to do what he does. He does have a change of pace guy who will steal some goal line work, but that isn’t enough to change the vote.

But what about Saquon or Henry or Cook? Henry should be your 3rd choice. Then Cook and then Chubb…. yeah. I’m a lifelong Giants fan and a Barkley fan since before he put on the blue. Still, he isn’t a sure thing early on. He gains value as the season progresses to be sure and is far from a sleeper, but if the others are available you have to take them first.

Quarterbacks

Honestly, there are no surefire QB standouts this year beyond Prescott. He’s that dude to be sure. Behind him I can pick 10 other guys who will put up tremendous numbers, but they don’t have the kind of offense he does. He carried so hard last year that folks began to question what Zeke could even do without him. He’s the standout. Rodgers, Mahomes, Wilson, Allen, Jackson, Murray will all give you SOLID numbers that are similar to each other in terms of total points but in different ways. If Dak comes back right then he will be the top guy.

The news informed me that Cuomo resigned under the weight of the sexual harassment charges. It seems that sometimes a person in office will realize that the people who elected him don’t want to put up with bullcrap like that. Matt Gaetz ought to take notice and follow suit. He won’t. He is part of that new crop of people who are reminiscent of a much older crop who have decided that it is okay to talk about right and wrong and persecute the heck out of people, but when you are the one in the wrong you don’t have to worry about what you yourself did. That got me thinking about cancel culture and what problems are inherent in a culture that believes something you did in the past should not ever be forgiven–even if you are repentant over the situation. I’ve been looking into the recent Matt Damon cancel call and it reads like everything that is wrong with America. This man admitted to being an idiot who used hateful language in a private setting, got called out by family, learned from the experience and leaned into changing his behavior. He was open and honest about it. That was apparently his mistake.

I’m guessing the people who want to cancel him fast forward to the fact that he used the slur and skip the learning and change that accompanied his admission. He didn’t need to admit this. He didn’t do this in a public forum or in any space where others outside his private circle have access. No, that doesn’t make the slur right, but he chose to reveal this in a moment of reflection about change. That change is ignored. That change is often ignored by cancel culture, because the expectation is that change should’ve happened long before now. We should be beyond the point where people need to think or be told to change.

except we are not.

No Bloganovella today. I actually have an idea where it might be going. I keep seeing a bridge in my mind–likely it was on the list of things I needed to put into the story. It might be wrapping up soon as well. So, I want to enjoy the finish and write it on the days I feel it the most. Today is not that day. Only have I written once in the last three, which is not a good look for me. I’ve locked in Saturdays as the day off and Tuesdays may also be non-writing days because of schedule, but I know Monday or Wednesday or both will be big days–8-2 or so. I’ll grind extra hard on those to make up for lost time.

No, I didn’t do that today. I did find a wonderful worldbuilding app/site that I will be exploring this upcoming week as I return to the fantasy realm (as the 2nd project). The program is called World Anvil and is free to start though there are subscription levels and I don’t have any real sense of how private what I create will be on there… So, it is in need of deeper exploration. A la next week. That alongside the other program of interest will be my focus outside of the sci fi novel and building up these classes I’ll be teaching come later this August.

I usually wait till Wednesdays for these types of conversations, but it’s been on my mind as of late. I’m back at coaching for officially the last go at it. I’m coaching a 14u squad where my 12 yr old is playing. I know some people think this is foolishness, given the age gap between players but to me it is the equivalent of playing middle school football where 7th and 8th graders play together and, occasionally, a 6th grader touches turf. Age is a curious construct in sports. Most parents I’ve encountered this go round have stories of holding their kids back a year in order to better prepare them for sports. I did entirely the opposite. This 12 yr old is the only one that is learning ‘on age’. I find it interesting that nobody in these circles considers that a kid who learns faster or is advanced mentally should be skipped up but a player who is physically advanced should be held back. This dynamic defines youth sports in many ways, because the goal is to gain that feeling of power and success–both as a coach and a parent–and often this comes at the expense of the child.

For a long time I was actively confused about a coach who played his kids up a year. He did it from as early as possible and while the kid and his friends struggled at first, they got stronger through the competition. To go one step further, my mid kid, who was younger than this group and my eldest were both playing with the group. Now my mid kid is very successful playing and learning way above his age class–taking Jr. level and college level classes after turning 14 a few months ago. Meanwhile, the little one is playing with 14 year olds who have yet to clear middle school. Consider that: You can have success playing and learning up so long as you put in the work and have the physical gifts to succeed. The only reason to keep the little one at 12 would be to physically dominate at his own level. Where is the value in that outside of that feeling of power and success? Who is that power and success for/going to? Now he gets to prepare himself for the next level and, at the same time, push himself to get better and push himself beyond what other kids his age are doing. That is how it has been with all my boys in their own ways–especially academically. I may not be the greatest dad, but I feel like I got this one right. Up until two years ago that kid always played up. I stopped the practice as a way to watch him dominate. That was about me and about building this confidence in him that was entirely undeserved. Lesson learned. It made him a weaker player and a weaker individual. Now we are back to him fighting for his right to be at the table. It is uncomfortable and it is challenging. That is what it ought to be. No more super teams. Maybe he gets to play one fun game as an all star, but overall, this thing is about gauging growth.