Uncategorized

I’m getting back to making this blog more about the writing. There are many moments in my life where I feel that I need this space–this platform–to talk about how I think and feel. I try to mask some of that as backfill or explanations of why I write and where my stories come from. If I can be more honest and open and even compartmentalized in these writings I believe better content will emerge. I’ve only been at it for a few years and this blog has been all over the place.

So, let’s make this one about me.

I’m supposed to go to the gym shortly, and then put in the hours for the words. I want both of those things. I want to spend time with my partner. I want to coach. I want to present to writers. The thing I don’t want so much any more is the daily teaching grind. Being in an online only grind thus far this summer has reminded me how little I enjoy campus life and the sharks that make that entire experience difficult. I endure it for the teaching, the students, and for the cash.

Understanding that helps me to put the rest of it in perspective. I’ve watched other instructors I respect go through this, and now it is my turn. I’m asking myself what matters and what makes me happy and what makes my heart feel full. At this point in life, those are the things I am gravitating towards.

In an odd headspace of not a lot to say. Working hard on the stories and that has me ‘writer drained’ in other ways. So, I’m going to try to spit out…

Some Thoughts:

1. At some point I became convinced that my youngest has the potential to be an elite athlete. I’m beginning to think that I was right physically yet dead wrong mentally. Time will tell.
2. Game 2 of the NBA Finals lived up to the hype. Here is what I am worried about for the Raptors: Leonard looks really really tired.
3. The internet is filled with content whores. They create moments in their lives in order to have content to post to the world on the daily. In doing so they become desensitized to the day by day reality. It is a painful shift on reality and deeply unfortunate.
4. Still cannot believe we have a President who is really so deeply wrong and unaware of the world around him. Moreover, I cannot believe so many people apparently plan to reelect him.

We don’t take sci-fi very seriously here in the USA. In truth, we do not take science very seriously. We take alien sightings even less serious than any of the above. Recently a ton of footage was released from 2014 & 2015 UFO sightings from the U.S. Navy. Turns out they’ve been seeing stuff for years and don’t know what it is. More importantly, they don’t entirely seem concerned. In the footage pilots can be heard hooting and laughing. There is no real evidence of threat. Space.com commented on a recent NYT post on the subject. They argue that UFOs are not necessarily alien, which I completely respect. Still, the argument does attest to the fact that many sightings occur when we upgrade tech. Once the tech has been in circulation for a brief period, the sightings go away. This could in fact be the presence adjusting to our heightened tech.

There are many things that these sightings could actually be. I don’t know what they are. I do know that we as a people have developed a habit of dismissal. The majority of people don’t care if there is life beyond earth or just flat out don’t believe there is. This is a short sighted view which fails to allow us to grow into the people promised by sci-fi. What happened to exploring and going boldly where no man has ever gone before?

I took my first look at Kindle Direct Publishing. It is pretty amazing what is available. Used to be that you needed one of the major publishing houses or a small college press to get a book out. Then technology made it possible to self publish at often large ($5000 or more) cost to the writer. Now anyone can put themselves out there on Kindle and perhaps wind up on Audible and work their way up from there. We don’t need approval from the firewall of literary editors in order to get published. We can get it done ourselves.

So, is that a good thing? Mostly yes. I think the cavalcade of words does make it harder to find good stuff. I think the Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) does largely promote the power and ideations of Amazon above all. Still, it gives an avenue. I believe that is needed especially when that aforementioned firewall appears more concerned with profitability and movie rights than good stories.

So, am I gonna do it? Yeah. Heck yeah. I have a series all picked out. Just gotta sit down and write that series. I’m working hard to make writing the top non-relationship priority in my life. It is my passion and I want to be able to make it all I do professionally.

This is largely about…

Some Thoughts:

1. NBA finals are all that was promised and more. Lowry’s long distance 3 pointer was a killer late game move that was all about swag.
2. Tough day. Emotionally it has not been a good two days for me, and to make matters worse, my most important is in pain.
3. I’m really biding my time this time around. I’m not motivated to write and am trying to run out the clock any way possible.
4. These nights will happen.
5. One reason this night is happening is listed above. Another is the transitional nature of the day. I have my kids back and as with all transition days, they are a mess. Perhaps they are a mess all the time.
6. Long talk with the first born about his low level of maturity. It is a problem.
7. Beyond the kids I am adjusting to the summer schedule and that in of itself is a work. I am still trying to figure out my schedule and my routine amidst the madness of my kids.
8. The steampunk-esque novel kicking around in the back of my mind popped up again today. I think I need to wander back to it sooner than later. That one ought to be my Amazon novel or novel series.
9. Struggling with the football stuff. Joined up for an all star game and now we are out $400 with no game and no coach in sight. Hot mess.
10. Well, that’s all. Mission Accomplished.

I really wish I had the opportunity to be the Knicks GM. With everyone pointing fingers to explain the long time suckage of the Knickerbocker franchise (I’m looking at you James Dolan), I want to think about ways in which to turn things around. No, it doesn’t have to do with LeBron or any of the A-list stars out there today. I want to play Moneyball.

Here’s the thing: Superstars are only super in the right system. I’ve watched D’Antoni turn average players into beasts. I’ve also watched the draft produce all of the greatest players in the NBA. With that being said, I say we build from the ground up. I say we use the draft as an opportunity to get some pieces to build around and then use free agency and trades to get the pieces that bolster the pieces we’ve already added.

This is not the way of the new NBA. In the modern league you gamble for an all star and hope he can turn the franchise around. I don’t feel that is the best use of resources or fan energy. I want a team built around the philosophy of the coaching staff in-place or built around the ball movement principles that have been so successful for the teams that are winning right now.

I don’t want Durant. I want the next Curry. I want a point guard and a 2 who can both distribute and shoot. I want a slashing small and two bigs (interchangeable at center/forward) who an play solid D and scrub the boards like Mr. Clean. That is what feels like success to me.

So, that is my pitch in ten minutes. I’m still looking at you, Dolan. Bring me in and lets turn the crap boat into a damn cruise ship.

Some Thoughts:

1. Mueller’s speech was something. He straight up said the president could not be absolved of criminal action, but it was against the constitution to charge him. How hard core is that?
2. 412 words from the daily allotment. I wanted to finish before my date, but this will not happen. At least I won’t have to blog later too…
3. The cat drags bugs into the house to play with them… Bad kitty!
4. Yes, that small detail will wind up in a story eventually.

I spent a couple of hours on Minecraft this morning–about 2 hrs if my clock is right. In this time I built out a little more of the city I’ve been creating and listened to more of an excellent non-fiction work called The Last Stone. I have a fondness for such things: Crafting and Reading. I believe the two work hand in hand to create in me a sense of calmness and beyond that even a transportation to another place far removed from the reality I am saturated in. Part of my reflection today is a careful consideration of that reality and my actions as largely a passenger in such.

I float. I allow myself to be carried on the current of what is around me and adapt to that. It might be a pisces thing. It my be a survival mechanism. I’ve long been a social chameleon and what I am saying now appears to correspond to that. Still, 40+ years in (edging closer to 50 each morning) I should’ve discovered a sense of what makes me happy and what sort of daily energy I want to put out into the world. I haven’t, not really. I rely a lot on what my partner wants in terms of happiness because it works for me. My happiness is achieved through her own but also through gaming, sports with kids, and writing. I suppose all of that combines to make a life. Yet it doesn’t always feel that way. It feels more like I am life adjacent. It feels like I am an NPC in someone else’s life; a bot who shifts back to the shadows until again called upon to enhance the play of the player character in the scenario.

Yes, this is a bit dour for a Tuesday morning, but it has been on my mind. I feel as though I ought to be doing more in terms of leading in my own life, but I don’t entirely know what I am supposed to be leading and what I am supposed to be wanting to do outside of how those around me have chosen to define me through their interactions with me. Again, this oddly reminds me of the life of an NPC.

Some Thoughts:

1. Began the online class today. I’m using it as a transitional experience to learn about how I can improve as an online instructor. I think this is the future for me in terms of teaching.

Late night here and I nearly forgot to blog. This is a rare occurrence because blogging has become so engrained in what I do each day that it is a part of who I am. Nevertheless I’m here in bed on my phone blogging. The subject tonight is routine. I come to this after one week and one day of the six week work out plan. I’m scheduled for daily gym time every week day, with the hopes of building it into a habit. I need more time to officially form a habit but I can say it already feels normal and necessary to go to the gym.

The things I need most in life are the things I need to make into routine or they won’t get the attention they deserve. I cannot explain why that is how it is for most things, but for the gym at least I know it is about getting it done and over with. I haven’t reached the part where I enjoy what I am doing. I have reached the part where I know that it matters and as a result will continue the process . I’m looking forward to the time where I can physically see results. That’s the hardest difference to make up between writing and working out. At the end of the day I see words when I write. When I work out all I feel is the pain and no discernible weight loss. Yes, maybe it takes more time or maybe I’m not doing it right. Still the key is to not need the immediate recompense.

I haven’t gotten that right yet.

I’m feeling like an island right now. There is no real reason for it, but I feel like I am in a position where everyone around me except for my partner (She has a lot of people to please) has an agenda that runs contrary to what I want in my life. Part of that is not having a lot of oomph behind what I want in my life. My summer goals are very simple: Spend 1 on 1 time with the lady, spend time in front of a keyboard, rock out a ton of Minecraft, train hard core with the kids. That is really the sum of it. The toughest one is the space to do any of it. The kid part is easy work, but the middle two seem to be harder and harder to achieve and actually feel good about.

No, I’m not on the verge of quitting the writing. That being said I am also not feeling great about it. This is one of those undertow moments where I feel like I am allowing the situation around me to drag me down or at the very least using it as an excuse. I’m pretty good at making excuses, so it has become a major theme in my life to avoid them–at all costs.

Still, I cannot help but be emotionally invested and thus drained by the writing, so that makes me entirely off kilter when it is not going well and, it isn’t so there is that. How to make it better? Feel settled and dropped back into a schedule where I know I can find consistent time and space to work. Until I develop that I feel the writing will continue to struggle.

Some Thoughts:

1. The Talislegger is moving. Kind of. No, not out of state. Not yet. Just, well, forget it.
2. I miss football in every sense of the word, and I am growing more and more convinced that I will not be coaching tackle this year and will instead settle for some flag nonsense or something.
3. Feeling drained and empty and unsettled. This is life after Phoenix Fan Fusion.
4. I’m going back to lists. They work. They feel necessary and offer me a much needed sense of accomplishment.

There is a strange political situation going on with the Comic-Con. Specifically, other events around the country are being dissuaded from using the name Comic-Con. This is how we get Phoenix Fest. It used to be Comic-Con, but it is no longer (or never was) associated with Comic-Con international. This has led to a name change. What led to the general deflation of the event, however, is perfectly understandable. People were people and in this age of security, things got weird.

A few years ago a man showed up heavily armed with the intention of causing harm to police officers. Here in the heart of downtown Phoenix, AZ–the wild wild west–that did not go well. He was detained without incident, but the incident itself created so much tension that the event started to wither. Not outright, of course, but security became more stringent. No weapons–no large edged weapon sales. Vendors stopped coming. Whether or not related, we lost the film fest. The panels got worse and worse.

The con has been reduced to a homage to itself. It feels less like the con I want than it does the con I’m forced to accept. This leads me to think that maybe acceptance is not the way. Maybe instead I ought to be finding something new and something better to do with the family at the end of the semester.