I spent a couple of hours on Minecraft this morning–about 2 hrs if my clock is right. In this time I built out a little more of the city I’ve been creating and listened to more of an excellent non-fiction work called The Last Stone. I have a fondness for such things: Crafting and Reading. I believe the two work hand in hand to create in me a sense of calmness and beyond that even a transportation to another place far removed from the reality I am saturated in. Part of my reflection today is a careful consideration of that reality and my actions as largely a passenger in such.
I float. I allow myself to be carried on the current of what is around me and adapt to that. It might be a pisces thing. It my be a survival mechanism. I’ve long been a social chameleon and what I am saying now appears to correspond to that. Still, 40+ years in (edging closer to 50 each morning) I should’ve discovered a sense of what makes me happy and what sort of daily energy I want to put out into the world. I haven’t, not really. I rely a lot on what my partner wants in terms of happiness because it works for me. My happiness is achieved through her own but also through gaming, sports with kids, and writing. I suppose all of that combines to make a life. Yet it doesn’t always feel that way. It feels more like I am life adjacent. It feels like I am an NPC in someone else’s life; a bot who shifts back to the shadows until again called upon to enhance the play of the player character in the scenario.
Yes, this is a bit dour for a Tuesday morning, but it has been on my mind. I feel as though I ought to be doing more in terms of leading in my own life, but I don’t entirely know what I am supposed to be leading and what I am supposed to be wanting to do outside of how those around me have chosen to define me through their interactions with me. Again, this oddly reminds me of the life of an NPC.
Some Thoughts:
- Began the online class today. I’m using it as a transitional experience to learn about how I can improve as an online instructor. I think this is the future for me in terms of teaching.