I’m feeling like an island right now. There is no real reason for it, but I feel like I am in a position where everyone around me except for my partner (She has a lot of people to please) has an agenda that runs contrary to what I want in my life. Part of that is not having a lot of oomph behind what I want in my life. My summer goals are very simple: Spend 1 on 1 time with the lady, spend time in front of a keyboard, rock out a ton of Minecraft, train hard core with the kids. That is really the sum of it. The toughest one is the space to do any of it. The kid part is easy work, but the middle two seem to be harder and harder to achieve and actually feel good about.
No, I’m not on the verge of quitting the writing. That being said I am also not feeling great about it. This is one of those undertow moments where I feel like I am allowing the situation around me to drag me down or at the very least using it as an excuse. I’m pretty good at making excuses, so it has become a major theme in my life to avoid them–at all costs.
Still, I cannot help but be emotionally invested and thus drained by the writing, so that makes me entirely off kilter when it is not going well and, it isn’t so there is that. How to make it better? Feel settled and dropped back into a schedule where I know I can find consistent time and space to work. Until I develop that I feel the writing will continue to struggle.
Some Thoughts:
- The Talislegger is moving. Kind of. No, not out of state. Not yet. Just, well, forget it.
- I miss football in every sense of the word, and I am growing more and more convinced that I will not be coaching tackle this year and will instead settle for some flag nonsense or something.
- Feeling drained and empty and unsettled. This is life after Phoenix Fan Fusion.
- I’m going back to lists. They work. They feel necessary and offer me a much needed sense of accomplishment.