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When I first recognized the numerical significance of this blog it was a simple matter to decide to write about Shadowrun. Those who know me as a writer know the particular joy I get from the years of opportunity I’ve had to write for the company. Shadowrun represented a fictional escape from the hardest parts of my life–both professional and personal–during a time when I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with myself as a writer. I toiled for most of my graduate program trying to sort out whether or not I was meant for literary fiction, fantasy, poetry, or straight up non-fiction essays. The answer came in the form of Nigel Findley and Charles Stross, two writers who led me to different corners of the same speculative room.. Stross injected a pulse of humor into hard science fiction while Findley painted around the edges of commercial sci-fi and even through in quite a bit of the magical with his Shadowrun work.

I was hooked.

I found myself engaged in a series of restless narratives that drove me deeper into this, lets face it, schizophrenic, idea of a world in which science and magic coexist. I was able to take the role playing game that I luxuriated in playing for so long and to at once design a narrative that took all that junk stored up in my head and gave it a very real place to live and even thrive.

I’m a lucky writer in that some of the characters and concepts I brought to the world continue to thrive and I myself continue to publish and to push forward these crazy ideas, hopefully in the vein of  Findley and the others who came before me. I’m not the best there is, as continues to be a goal, but I am still in the game and still working to make something that sets the world on fire.

Burn on, shadows.

I’m still pissed about the Giants losing.

I recognize that everything forward is some form of armchair quarterbacking from a guy that has never been in the NFL. Still, it is plain as day to see that the Giants are not who people thought they were. In fact, the NY Giants are a team that is buoyed by the play of their surprising talented secondary, which supports a defensive line that has less chance of getting to the quarterback than any perhaps in the history of the Giants. It isn’t even their fault the team lost though. No, that falls on the shoulders of bad 4th quarter coaching and one unfortunate play.

The Giants found themselves in similar situation to the Seahawks fateful SB 49 pass debacle. Once again, the team should’ve run the ball. It doesn’t matter that the flyweight offensive line hadn’t made holes all day. It isn’t important that they were only up three. No, this is about that clock and the limited time that was left. Here is what happened: The Giants called a pass play and Eli, with no options, threw the ball out of bounds. This stopped the clock and caused the Cowboys to have time to march down the field and score. Two things went wrong here:

1. Coach called a pass play.
2. Eli, with no options to pass, threw the ball out of bounds.

I get the call: You want to score and put the game out of reach. Still, given that the Giants are such a conservative and smart team offensively, why not make the conservative call here and run the ball. If you run then you at least chew clock, which gives the Cowboys less time to respond (which would have changed the play calling on the Cowboys side and led to a Giants win). As for the play itself, Eli relied on muscle memory and mental training to dump the ball once he was in trouble.

I get it.

Getting it cost the Giants the game. If Eli holds on the rock, it creates a time suck and gives the Cowboys less time to respond… See above. So, yeah, I am upset. Still I have a lot of hope for the season, because the secondary showed up. Now I just wish JPP would show up too.

This is the first waiver wire of the new regular season. We are in line for Super Bowl 50 and I am watching player after player check out due to injury. Suggs, Ellington, Cromartie, and many others don’t look like they’ll be making the most of 2015. They all went down with injuries that may keep them out the entire season. Meanwhile, the new season has brought some surprises and renewed rivalries. My own Fantasy Football rivalries are back in effect and I’m posting a line up that is, in one league, already composed of 4 players I didn’t draft. My picks too changed before the start of play today. I wrote them down, but didn’t explain at the time. I’ll share:

NE over PIT
This is about Brady coming home a conquering hero and Gronk being, well, Gronk. Obviously, this has been played, but we all knew the outcome once Brady was cleared.

BUF over IND
Anyone in a NY jersey is winning today. That’s it. Two of those teams are in the AFC East, which looks to be the best conference in the league this year.

CHI over GB
Who the heck is left to throw to over there in GB? Is Cobb even cleared to play?

KC over Houston
Expecting a low-scoring affair, primarily because I have the KC D this season and the HOU D is just sick like that. The HOU O on the other hand is a total unknown.

CAR over JAX
Jacksonville is the worst. team. ever.

NY over CLE
See BUF above.

STL over SEA
I don’t really believe in the Seahawks without Max Unger and ‘Bam’ Chancellor. Two dudes don’t make a team, but both dudes carry with them the heart of their respective units.

MIA over WAS
All of the AFC east wins this week. Of course, that cannot apply next week, so the real battles will be in-division.

ARI over NO
I believe in the Cardinals this year. They were strong last year and now they have a legit QB behind the wheel of a very high powered offense.

DET over SD
Unclear what the real weapons are on SD just yet, but the Lions, while losing a lot of D firepower, return a very potent offense with a new RB to lead the charge.

DEN over BAL
Same issue as with SD, I’m not sure what to expect from BAL this season…

CIN over OAK
The Raiders don’t have a lot yet. In a few years (and a few good drafts) they will be great again.

TB over TEN
Not a lot to say about this one. The Bucs seem to have more consistency, and if they have Evans starting, they have this game locked.

 

NY over DAL
Nuff said.

I was listening to Colts QB Andrew Luck and his father talk about the role parenting played in Luck’s growth as a player. I did what I think any parent does in that situation: I compared my behaviors to what the Luck family did. What I learned is that I need to take yet another step back as a parent and stop flying around my kids with that propeller over my head.

For me the helicopter rotors jut out more in football than anything else. I still coach my boys in flag, but in tackle they have another HC. The problem, as I’ve discussed in the past, is that the coach is also coaching a H.S. team, which means that though his heart is with the team, his responsibilities are taxing. I know a little bit about that part of things.

What I need to do is disconnect from pressuring the boys to learn from me in addition to coach. Papa Luck said that he didn’t think his son wanted ‘That Dad’ and went on to suggest he didn’t think his son wanted to be dealing with coaches all day long and come home only to be lectured by a parent about the same stuff. So, I’m stepping back.

In Theory. Practice remains a difficult trade.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Still a lot of roster tuning happening prior to kickoff. I picked up Percy Harvin as a stash player, thinking the mercurial wideout might be on the way to getting it together.

I gave the boys the option to stay up all night playing games. They took it, of course, winding towards 10 PM full of energy and desire. It is way past that hour now and only one remains conscious. Way to go for him, because I’m flagging. It was a special night for us.

Tonight marks the end of the summer in-between season–a season where there aren’t any sports to be played on Saturdays (or watched for that matter). Next week is the first of 7 consecutive double and triple-headers, leading into the winter break. We go hard with soccer and tackle football before breaking for our first post-divorce holiday season (more on that once I wrap my head around it).

The night went well overall, and it is really fun to sit down with the boys and live in their reality if only for a few moments. I’m learning that it is as important for them to live in my reality from time to time, and really get to know who I am outside of being a parent. They are boys who I expect to grow into good men, and I still feel like I am the one best qualified to teach them what that means.

Some Thoughts:

1. 5 weeks in and the kittens are adorable… and my office stinks. 5 more weeks till reclamation.
2. Iowa finally got past Iowa State, which means my Cyclones must fully embrace the suck this season.

40 is the new 30.

Seriously. It has taken me a decade to get into the mindset I entered my thirties with, and I am not entirely there. Still, I am having that Matrix moment (yeah, I really am 40) where I see things in the world in terms of how they actually work socially and psychology in terms of needs. It follows then that I am started to look at myself and the people around me.

 

A poet friend once told me that every action in life is about giving or receiving love. When we listen we are often giving love. When we talk we are sometimes looking to receive love—to feel important and to redevelop and enhance a sense of worth. In my own life I extend myself in ways that spread me thin, giving love openly, but hoping to receive love in return, though it rarely happens.

 

What happens at work for me is indicative of what happens in life for me. I tend to dive deep and take all of my skill set and try to apply it to every arena in which there is a need for that skill set. As a result I wind up being the guy who has his hands in everything and isn’t able to focus on a single thing. Sadly, I’ve done this so long that I don’t even know how to function only doing one thing. I’m cursed by multi-tasking.

 

It isn’t the only curse I’ve come to recognize. I once again see that it is far too easy to fall into a sense of moral, professional, or skill high ground and make yourself feel better about where you stand in life by trashing those who are learning, up and coming, or beneath you. It is a natural feeling. I always want to talk shit. I mean daily. I still recognize that there is no need to do so in a public forum—even if I dip into the hypocrisy pool and do so on occasion. Ostensibly it comes down to the Us v. Them dichotomy. By stepping on Them, Us is made stronger and more worthwhile.

 

More reflections to follow…

A lot of ideas surging through my head these days, so I am taking ten minutes just to jot a few things down.

1. On a ‘superhuman’ level I am starting to truly appreciate Lebron James’ choice to return to Ohio and be the face of that state. It didn’t really click for me until the Ohio State game when players would score and strike a ‘Lebron pose’. Quickly then I came to realize that the dude is having an impact on that entire state in a way that could not have happened in Miami-Wade County or New York or anywhere else he’d considered playing. Lebron is Cleveland.
2. Super-exciting sports night finds us witnessing the return of regular season football and, far more importantly, Serena Williams effecting to move one step closer to a Grand Slam. Williams would be the first female player to do so in quite some time and the feat would lock her in for hall of fame status. She cleared her most difficult hurdle yet on Tuesday when she took down her big sister in a match that had to lead to bragging rights at family dinner night. This also means that Venus won’t be hoisting a trophy at all, since the Williams sisters won’t be competing for the doubles championship this time around.
3. On some level I have lost control of my external identity. I suspect I lost control quite some time ago, but only in the wake of my recent divorce and the subsequent reinforcement of negative perceptions through a series of unfortunate lies and assumptions have I truly seen what people think. As a result I know that not a whole lot of people in this world actually know me or care to know me. The preference, it seems, is to maintain the stereotype of me because that is comfortable in one way or another. It explains a lot of behaviors at least. I no longer have to question why people act or think a certain way, because one drink at the rumor well fills me up with their perceptions. I’m kind of at the point of not caring to a point–personally or professionally. At some point I have to accept that my actions are speaking for themselves, and it is my responsibility to act and speak in such a way as not to promote further rumor and misperception. I can evoke such clearness through concise use of language and controlled interaction.
4. I’m excited about the school year moving forward but less so about the kids’ sports year moving forward. I created a sports situation with a lot of overlap between sports, which demands that I find a way to get kids to different places at the same time. I haven’t quite figured out how to make that happen. I am going to need help.

This is on the verge of becoming a straight up writing blog.

I am not really surprised by the development. My life is largely about writing right now and I am moving towards a life that is mostly centered around producing quality fiction. As I blog I’m listening to John Truby speak about the story to Film Courage. I’ve been a fanboy of his since reading The Anatomy of Story. I considered making parts of it canon for my screenplay writing class, but opted to go building block mode and focus on genre and storyform with this 100 level class. Now, these students expect to produce some legitimate screenplays this semester. I am going to go to the mat to see that they develop something that will get them there, but expecting a completed screenplay is counterproductive.

I expect to cultivate effort and a sense of the writer’s life.

This is a bit of a co-dependent effort. Their success is my success and all… The more I allow myself to lock into that writing life and being successful in that fashion, the better I become as a writer and a teacher and really as a more complete person.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. The one thing that constantly surprises me in life is bold absurdity. I mean when someone calmly suggests something outlandish and makes it seem like what is being suggested is truly legitimate–practically a layup. Part of it is the delivery; a subtle presence that makes you seem the fool for not agreeing. Part of it is the sheer boldness of the request. When things are foreign it can be difficult to know how to react. Couple this with that smooth delivery and you might get snookered. I’ve learned to take a beat and think everything through.

As I compose this my students are spending 10 minutes answering some key questions to develop their novels:

• Where does your story begin?
• When does your character change? How? Why? How close is that to the beginning?
• What is the most important change your character must make? Why? How and when does this happen?
• Who is the person/thing standing in their way?

I use these as an introduction to plot and dramatic through line, slowly introducing the writers to the idea of what matters most in storytelling. I think that as a writer the teaching of this stuff helps me to fully realize the writing life. Once upon a time I thought that life was mainly about experiencing and writing, but I think teaching has a valuable role in the life. I believe that teaching exposes you to writings greatest moments and faults all writ large in the eyes of the students. By being a teacher you consciously accept the role of question answerer, therefore you have to know a fair amount about the craft and about how to live that life in order to send that information to the eager.

In short, teaching keeps you honest.

So I ask these questions and give them ten minutes to figure out what it is they are trying to say in the story. This is after spending two weeks talking about the characters, so that they recognize that there is no story without a character, and furthermore there is no story without a character that needs to change for one reason or another. That transformation is the story. That is what I try to get to the root of when we open a new semester of story making.

As I write this I am reflecting on the end of several stories. The seasons of four of my shows came to a conclusion over the last few weeks with the last of them, The Strain, closing soon. This being the year of sci-fi I’ve been treated to a number of stories that deal with this idea of What If.. and expose the protagonist to the need to change and allow us to watch this develop over a series of short stories/conflicts/episodes leading us to the end of the season and the major dramatic change set up from day one. Most shows slip up. It is hard to maintain that thread over 10-22 episodes. This is why I believe many shows fail. Some don’t. The pacing and storytelling enhance the character growth tremendously. The Walking Dead is a prime example where by the latest season we can see how far Rick has come.

More on this later… ten minutes gone means I have to teach.

This could be goodbye.

I’ve been plagued with a series of conversations that begin with, ‘Didn’t you see my post on Facebook?’ I didn’t see the post and normally don’t because I don’t look at Facebook practically at all anymore. There is a certain level of responsibility that the Facebook brings that I don’t want. On some level you’re supposed to be checking out your friends lives through the medium. On a separate level people follow your face page and make judgements about who you are based largely on what you post and what people post on your page.

I remain aware of none of it. I thought about going to my page and seeing what is written there, but why go down that rabbit hole. Yeah, I recognize that this blog propagates there, and removing Facebook removes the opportunity for many to see the blog, but the question of the page remains: What does it say about me and what responsibility do I have to do more than what I’m already doing on Facebook–which is nothing.

As I move forward with my life and consider the changes I need to make to be a better me, I have to think hard on the ties I cut and the responsibilities I shed. I want to trim the fat both literally and figuratively on the things in life that really don’t matter or contribute in a valuable way. Maybe I start with Facebook. Maybe I figure out that social media on the whole is a time suck that makes one accountable for information that they’d rather not be accountable for…

Maybe that is ten minutes.