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I having a tough time stringing together a coherent argument today. I’ve been thinking about a lot of different happenings, such as the work Neal Stephenson is doing on Hieroglyphs, the questions raised by Paolo Bacigalupi’s Water Knife, and my own limited role in the science fiction community.

A lot of this goes back to earlier conversations about not knowing what my next big ‘ambition’ would be. I spoke far too much about the fact that I had the wife, kids, white picket fence… basically the American dream at some level, yet was deeply unsatisfied by that experience. It sounded at the time like a mid-life crisis. A thousand posts later I blew up my marriage and it sounded even more like a mid-life crisis. The more I reflect on what has been happening both in my private and professional life, the more I recognize that it wasn’t a mid-life crisis at all.

It turns out I don’t subscribe to the so-called American dream. The family issues are largely unrelated to the other stuff, but separating from that specific situation put me in a state of mind to ask myself what I want, which led to me recognizing that I have never wanted those standard things I was supposed to. Yes, I appreciate the house and the stucco fence, but it is not what drives me. When I was directed towards ASU’s Project Hieroglyph, I realized at once that it was exactly what I’d been trying to do all along.

Hieroglyph marries science fiction with scientific speculation to forma  relationship in which what is being written is not only reflecting on the role of science in society, but pushing it and doing so in a way that positively impacts the community. In other words, it isn’t just about telling cool stories, it is about telling stories that matter.

So, when I think about what I want to do and be and leave as a lasting impression of my life, I want to tell stories that trigger the imagination of others in a way that compels them to act–be it to research, consider, to create, or just to rationalize their own role in the world and ultimately their purpose.

Big goals indeed.

So, I finally had a chance to recap the MTV Video Music Awards and by that I mean recap my lack of understanding of the modern video music industry. Maybe I am that old. Miley Cyrus in an Atelier Versace outfit that looks like the 5th Element made love with Thunderdome is just wrong. Not because she’s too young or any of that standard crap. No, I hate it because she’s straight up not sexy enough to pull it off.

Miley Cyrus looks like a Raggedy Ann doll done up in a bunch of different outfits–badly. Supposedly, the entire gamut of looks are ‘her’ but I think what all of it reveals is that there is no ‘her’ and in that no personality in her sound or stage presence. She is trying hard to be someone who is noticed and over the top and it doesn’t feel genuine. Cnn said it best when they called her the ‘garish avatar of the American id.‘

This is my real argument: Music doesn’t feel genuine in the MTV realm. From Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood to Drakes, well, anything that he creates. The music seems false and prepared. There are several genuine artists on the music scene coming out with something genuine to say–even if what is real to them sounds poppy to the world (See: Call me maybe). The music scene has lost a lot of its authenticity and thus its credibility.

This is why Kanye can run for president. If we are willing to continually follow along with a series of songs and artists who, for all intents and purposes, are as vapid as an average K-pop band, we might have a generation just brazen enough to elect that dude.

Lost in all this is the efforts by Nicki Minaj to address an attack by Cyrus that basically amounted to being belittled as an ‘Angry Black Chick’. So, what did her response wind up doing? Making her seem more like an angry black chick, of course. Instead it should have reconfirmed the flagging identity of the MTV viewer and this incumbent sense of American slippage back into a period of time where we just don’t get it.

We were on the verge of something big–between civil rights for all and finding our purpose on the world stage. One glance at MTV and I’m starting to think that all that was illusion and we are still chasing that next popular pretty face.

 

One of the great things about teaching is research. I stand on the shoulders of giants for everything I teach. I look at the work that came before me, using some of it and discarding what does not fit into the theme and methodology I am trying to teach. I say this from across a mess of textbooks, reading guides, and speciality information books stacked in piles based on the specific course they enhance. I think that’s the thing I’ve learned. There are three pillars of teaching–not the two I originally thought existed.

I’ve always operated under the premise that teaching is about being able to reach an audience and help them understand material they struggle to understand and interpret on their own. The second pillar of responsibility there is to create conditions in which students can apply this newfound knowledge to real-life scenarios.

That leads us to the third pillar. Not only is it the responsibility of the instructor to stay current with the subject, but it is also the responsibility of the instructor to incorporate all types and styles of information about the subject matter into the curriculum. This is especially true of writing classes where there isn’t just one way to write a paper. On the other hand, there are so many ways to compose writing and to schedule and plan a writing life that you cannot explain everything over the course of a semester. Therefore it is important to pick and choose the materials to use and by that create an informational identity for yourself and your courses.

This helps to explain why people learn different stuff from different teachers of the same subject. Our informational identities are different. We teach what we know and what we continue to learn about.

It never fails. I get off to a pretty good start in the morning, working through some writing task or schoolwork and building up a head of steam for the day. I pause to take a break and reward myself for a job well done and then BOOM. I am done. I’m no longer in that productive headspace and I’m walking around trying to figure out what happened and where the fire went. The problem happens almost every day. I can finish a handful of tasks before the clip scrapes empty. The question is, how do I quickly reload?

I think I need to write a book. I think the book ought to have a handful of midday starters that, based on brain science, trigger the brain to reignite after a lull. For me the issue seems to be that the break takes me so completely out of the proper headspace that a map and a compass don’t do the trick to get me back to where I belong. Minecraft references not withstanding, it is important to have a grip on your headspace. Understanding the things that get you going and the things that pull you out is key to a productive day. Sometimes it can be the work environment itself that is not conducive to sucking you back into the zone. My office sucks. The one at home was pretty decent until the kitten invasion, and the one at work is anything but conducive to productive thought. So, yeah, maybe an office makeover helps. But who can afford that?

A more realistic approach, for me at least, seems to be the discovery of those triggers that put me in the proper mindset to function. Some people have a writing ritual they go through at the start of their process. I have no such thing but there are elements of buddhist meditation and key writings that could be strung together to form such a thing. That’s one option.

As we speak I’m trying the ten minute rule as an option to swing back into headspace. However, I’m already considering going down to the campus coffee shop post two minutes from now in order to quench my thirst.

The fact is, I don’t quite have the secrets to the mystery that is my own writing and working process. I often don’t have that thrust to get started. Eventually it just happens, but understanding how it happens seems to be key to replicating it and refining that process in the future. I’ll consider a future work in progress.

For now, I think it is time to lap up some coffee-like drink.

Some Thoughts:

1. The Brady suspension reversal is a big deal for the league. It means that the league doesn’t have final say in its own disciplinary affairs…
2. How come they didn’t go to bat for Adrien Peterson like that?

 

I’ve been teaching my students about socialization again, and I’ve been using the Hot-Crazy matrix as a tool for understanding how some people think and questioning why. I keep on expecting the matrix to piss people off–especially women who are, by the nature of the matrix, utterly demeaned and devalued. My expectations always fall short. In truth, the ladies laugh and say, ‘that’s true because I know someone who is hot and crazy and women are always crazy.’ When I follow up by asking if they themselves are crazy, the answer is always no.

Here’s what I’ve learned about the world from this: We always tend to act against our own self-interests if doing so makes us feel part of an in-crowd or aloof. We see it in politics when the ultra-poor appalachians are voting for the super rich republicans who want to release restrictions on businesses and cut the ‘welfare state’ services that the appalachians need to survive. I saw it with the Hot-crazy where all of the women in the class loved the video and laughed alongside the guys but never identified themselves as someone being discussed in the video.

I don’t have a clue what to do with this information. I know it is real and it is problematic overall, but I don’t know how to apply my understanding in any way that isn’t evil–i.e. me taking advantage of that situation to create my own empire.

I just wish we didn’t all work in stereotypes and existed in a realm where individuals were seen as such and not classified and grouped and tagged like so many sheep…

I was reminded by a student today that what we do in the classroom matters long beyond the reach of the classroom. It is an important reminder, because already I found myself becoming detached from the experiences of the composition classroom–not because I don’t love teaching those courses, but because the creative writing students so obviously want to be in that space and the others seem trapped there; required to live out their semester under my reluctant authority. Yet this isn’t true. The encouraging message came from a composition student and yet another pulled me aside earlier in the day to just say hi and let me know he was still around. So, I learned something: The energy and desire with which we approach a task translates to those receiving that task.

One of the things that make me the happiest is when students are successful and they light up and they act as though something they’ve learned has impact beyond the classroom. I’m not the best classroom teacher. I’m not necessarily the guy you want as your technical writing instructor. As a novelist I’m about creating a piece of writing that tells a story and does so in an engaging way. I can work you through the rules of syntax, but my heart lives in the ability to help you discover both voice and desire for the craft of writing. This combination lends itself well to the creative writing prefix, but often falls flat with composition where students are likely to have a history of stern, essay driven instruction. In truth, the discovery process drives my teaching vs. the structure of an essay. I want them to learn something and then discover the voice with which to share that something to an audience.

 

Apologies for the creative yet completely silly title, but that is where my headspace is right now. You cannot talk fantasy football and not feel at least a little bit silly. That being said, lets put ten minutes o the clock and let it rip!

Surprises
I shouldn’t have any of these left at this point in my ‘fantasy career’ but every year something nutty goes down in at least one draft. In the league I’ve been with the longest, one of my fellow players drafted a team that is 50% injured or suspended through week 4. I guess he is looking for the late push?

The biggest surprise was the Seattle team. Now, I get that we all love our teams, but this dude drafted nothing but Seattle players for the first 4 rounds and ended up with about 75% of his roster being nothing but Seahawks. I suppose he is willing to eat the week 9 bye week loss, just to remain a symbol of the 12th man. I think he’s going to eat more than the one loss overall…

Victories
Draft day is where seasons can be won or lost. I had the first pick in my 2 QB league draft and snagged Le’Veon Bell. Truth be told, this was an auto pick. I wanted to get AP and watch him redeem himself, but I was late to the draft, because, life. Still I scored some big victories with my RBs on that team while managing to grab Romo and the Cutlet’s dad. I still cannot shake the memory of Michael Irvin working out with the Bears receiving corps and that group making some dazzling catches and Irvin sitting back like, I don’t have hands like that. This didn’t pay out last season but I believe it will now. If not, I grabbed RGIII for a song.

Flyers
I took a chance on Vic Cruz and Darren McFadden. I believe in McFadden more than Cruz this year even, but I acknowledge that both are risky picks. When the snake came round my way late in the draft I risked it all and connected the 1-2 pick. Later that same draft I snagged Jonas Gray and everybody laughed at me.

We’ll see who is laughing week 2.

I’ve been struggling to come to terms with a lot of things in life. Some big, some small. Some made of words, others of emotions. Choices, stratagems, shortcomings, goals–all making up the terms on which I choose to lead my life. Terms. The word itself invokes a sense of surrender that I once was very uncomfortable with. When I was a kid and secure in my belief that I would one day have and do everything I’d ever found whimsy to imagine, the thought of terms never occurred to me. As a man, cautious, aware, and wounded, I am still uncomfortable with terms, but I recognize that they occasionally provide me with solace and structure, creating livable meaning in an existence wrought with possibility.

We are who we allow ourselves to be. This is no platitude. It is a time worn truth visited over and again through literature, parenting, and even religion. We can be who or whatever we want, so long as we allow ourselves the space, time, and dedication to rise above the barriers set before us. We can do, so long as the terms we set for ourselves are absolute and driven.

On the other hand, we are one and all limited by terms. We choose to live our lives in service of our needs–first physical and then mental. It is the combination of those–the mental poker that occurs when we decide anything–that causes us to live in the space we choose or simply choose to accept.

Most of us are stuck.

Most of us look at the bonds of what holds us and say, ‘that is just how it is.’ but it isn’t hardly ever that way. I grew up in Harlem in the 70’s and 80’s. Stereotypically, I should be on drugs and in jail but neither are real. In truth, my ‘hood offered me those choices and also offered me the choice to be more. I chose more.

Many will argue that I had help, and I don’t argue that I did. I sought out help and created a means for success. At some point I grew fat on success and stopped trying. I cam to terms with my reality and withered greatly. Therein lies the truth and the rub. My complacency; my inability to continue to grow bore a psychological cancer in me that I continue to treat this day.

I still have to deal with the ice of terms, but being more aware of it allows me to better create the terms of my life moving forward, and never ever settle for sitting still.

Amidst a chorus of barking dogs and churning air conditioners I write through the Phoenix night. It isn’t the wisest of times to find the words. Last night was another nail in the coffin of the theory that I can still be productive at that point in the evening (of course, that time frame is way beyond evening). Part of being the best version of yourself is making the best choices you can make, and writing during that time frame clearly isn’t one of them.

Instead of doing the not so bright stuff–i.e. doing what is easy–I need to re-jigger my focus on doing what is wise and helps me grow as a human and keeps me grounded. That is so much more easier said than actually done. Unfortunately there isn’t ‘one weird trick’ to help me out there. I just gotta grind out some serious hard work and stick to a schedule.

It also means reducing the hours of video games played to a reasonable number. This is, of course right when I’ve picked up the new Madden… such is the way life goes sometimes and perhaps the way life should go.

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m considering putting together a kitten obstacle course in my office. These little ones are completely ready to play and have fun. If a mesh garbage can is entertaining them then an obstacle course ought to be super fun. I’ll involve the boys. They may have some cool ideas.

Once in a while I mention the great work happening over on the sci-fi channel. The USA network affiliate is pushing post-earth space fiction pretty hard. I’m not talking space opera here or hard science (though that would be epic). I’m talking about colonized space, often stories about the Rim Worlds that are held by corporate or royal forces and the stories that dot those worlds. The arrival of The Expanse in December only furthers my belief that this is going to be a trend or even a movement.

Down the road I’m going to give a more productive post about this growing trend, but for now I’m going to check out because it is super late and I’m deleting and retyping words that are repeatedly being misspelled. It eats at my ten… and my patience.

Some Thoughts:

1. My eldest went to his first school dance today and had a blast. Life is very good, no matter the complications.