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Any writer will tell you there is a point in every story where you stop writing it and realize that the story is actually writing itself, and you, fearless author, are merely along as a witness. I like to call that moment ‘the turn’. I borrowed the term from master pitch salesman Ron Pupil, who used the term to describe the moment where you go from talking about the product to actually asking for the money. In writing terms the turn is money. There is nothing as glorious as the feeling of letting go; to type the words of the story and know that everything is coming together on its own and even elements of the story that were completely unplanned are breathed into life and made real on the page.

I experienced the turn again today and I’m so pleased with it that the high is driving me right into the next story, and that high should drive me into the story after that. This is probably why drug users do what they do, and it is definitely a reward for what I do. Writers like me live for the turn. It, more than money, makes me want to write every day.

Over the years Halloween has come to have additional meaning for me. In addition to being  fun holiday for the kids to dress up and horde candy, it is the eve of NanoWrimo, the month where thousands try to write a novel in a month. I’m going to be right there beside them. The outline is sketched out (however thinly) and the characters are starting to speak to me. It is time to get back in the swing of intensive daily writing.

I’ve heard authors say there is nothing like writing for hours every day. In truth I’ve found that sensation more elusive than not over the past decade. I love the craft but to put more than four hours down a day has largely been a daunting task. I’ve done it for the past two days and it feels marvelous. I think I’m ready for nano.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. I truly enjoyed this halloween. The kids had a great time and I was amongst friends. I don’t get a lot of opportunities like that and I am grateful for the few I get.

I continue to be baffled by this country’s obsession with sex. If you are pretty or shapely–especially both–you aren’t required to have much talent to become the internet’s latest cause celeb. A well placed photo and you’re on your way to 15 minutes of every horny man in the western realm doing a websearch for topless (and sometimes bottomless) photos of you. Sites like WITHAG and playerwives.com perpetuate the hunt for the next new pretty face. The interesting aspect of all this is that the hunt ends in nudity. I’ve observed the furor over most of these fly-by-night beauties intensify right up to the point where someone nabs a photo of them naked. Then their star begins to fade. The public has what it wants–the woman exposed and vulnerable whether by choice, pressure, or otherwise it doesn’t matter.

Part of me looks at that obsession as a reflection of a male-dominated society needing to exert power over female subjects. Part of me sees it as desire being quenched in the lightspeed modern world. All of it sickens me to a certain extent. I do think a smart woman can build herself a career off of such desires. Edward Bernays is noted for coining the phrase ‘sex sells’ and I think he was slightly off base. Sex corrupts and absolute access to sex corrupts absolutely.

 

CAR over NO

CIN over JAX

CLE over TB

ARI over DAL
Dallas ain’t real. Period.

 

HOU over PHI
Philly ain’t real. Period.

 

NYJ over KC
Vick actually got reps this week and realizes that he is playing for a new contract somewhere else. He’ll try to earn it and a playoff spot over the second half of this season.

SD over MIA

WAS over MIN

SF over STL

DEN over NE
Peyton has problems with New England, but he also has a run game and a defense predicated on stopping Tight Ends.

SEA over OAK

BAL over PIT
I ought to know better than to bet against the Steelers by now. Nope. I don’t.

 

NYG over IND
I’m past the whole ‘vote for my team’ nonsense that spiked my weekly records. With this particular case I feel like the Giants, who are reeling, recognize how important the win is to them and are working overtime to prepare for their own. Bradshaw and co are going to go wild, but the Giants win this shootout.

1. Tonight I had a chance to sit down and listen to three of my former and current students read their creative writing. I was not only proud of the work they put together but awed at how far they’ve come as writers and how dedicated and skillful they’ve grown into their craft. I get that I’m a part of that growth and there is a part of me warmed by the understanding, but tonight was about them sticking to it and being rewarded for their excellence.
2. Long semester. I’m about done with it, if not actually then psychologically.
3. I’m about done with a lot of things that way.

If anything I’ve noticed a reduction in the number of words I can put down in 10 minutes.

That’s how the world works though. You have your high moments and your low ones. You hit a groove then a bump and the groove is suddenly gone and you spend a few months trying to get that back only to discover that it existed in that place and time and is now a part of your history. You gotta keep churning and uncovering the new. You have to evolve, change, aspire, be. Maybe not be. When I think about that word it is about existing and simply becoming a listener. Every now and again I start to believe that this is what I want to be–one who listens to the universe and, instead of acting on the voice of the universe and the voice of my own motivational energies, leans into the energy of time and space and tries to exist in that moment for as long as possible. Only, it isn’t possible to live in a moment. That is why it is called a moment. You live on a breeze, pushed along a current of wind towards an eventual destination; towards a new part of yourself that grows and changes and flowers and becomes something new itself.

It is simple to say you’ve become who you can be, but less so to understand what that means or why that is so incredibly defeating. I see it played out in the most minute ways sometimes. Tonight on the soccer pitch my 8-9 team went up against a team from the next age group. This 8-9 team is undefeated, destroying practically every team they face leading up to this weekends final match. Still, the team has deteriorated in each consecutive game, leaving us vulnerable for a big and painful end of season loss. The brilliance of our head coach (for I am merely an assistant) led to a match up against the older kids–kids who’ve won a majority of their matches this season and several of whom are quality club players. So, our boys faced off against their boys with all the fire and punch an undefeated, ego-strong 8-9 team can bring and their charge broke against the walls of the 10-12 goal where they discovered there are indeed players stronger and faster and better trained than them who, believe it or not, want it more.

We lost 3-1, but it was an incredible moment of realization where we stopped dying and started coming together and playing team ball again and deciding that individual glory matters little in the face of opportunity and purpose.

If I am to reflect on one last thing this night it is those two words. I realize the best way to live is to constantly throw myself in the path of opportunity and purpose. Not only to land in its path but to take advantage of it in any and all possible ways to the best of my ability. Go hard. Always. There is nothing after this life that is at all like this life, so take advantage of this singular opportunity before it ends.

The Walking Dead reminded me of a important lesson tonight.

A lot of the character development was based around the history of specific characters that developed slowly over the seasons of the show. In other words, the long history of a person informs his or her actions in a given situation. The revelation for me is embracing that vs. this constant running and fighting and doing little to embrace the past isn’t working. There are parts of my childhood I’d rather forget, but at the same time those parts of my childhood were impactful in me becoming the man I am today.

The past matters. History matters–whether it be in our own lives, our own understanding of the lives of others, our relationships, etc. History is all that separates us from oblivion. Without history we move through this world a forgotten wind.

Watching Fury I found myself remembering a conversation I had with one of my classes. The students were reflecting on how we, as a country, tend to forget the bad and dwell on the good. They even referenced Tim Wise who once said something along the lines of nobody talks about July 4th like ‘lets get over it’ but we act like we ought treat slavery and discrimination like its in the past and move on. They related that to the relationship we have with wars. For example, we remember D-Day and all the good we did to help win WWII, but Vietnam is a blight best forgotten. It turns out that philosophy is even more nuanced. Fury is the first film I’ve encountered to talk openly about U.S. forces being overmatched in that war–in this case by the German Tiger tanks.

The overmatched situation here was of course made into the positive. It quickly unraveled into a U.S. against impossible odds situation–which of course means it is a fair fight. Up until that point Fury is among the best war films written. There is a great deal of story that unfolds and relates the character of hardened soldiers and the temporary nature of life in wartime. This is a film well worth seeing, and I feel the director should churn out a few more war treatments–perhaps even give ‘Nam a shot.

Of course, nobody would see that film. We didn’t win that war.

One day I’ll write a book about relaxing. I’ll figure out how to create a pocket of time that allows busy individuals to reload utterly. It seems counterproductive to say that I want to write about creating this small pocket of recharge time, but the fact is few people actually have enough time to recharge themselves. I certainly don’t–at least not in the sense that I’ve been conditioned to understand time.

I think so many more people would be happy in their lives if they had just a few minutes each day of pure and blissful happiness and or relaxation. I don’t have that every day but I try to strike out and find that–even in every day actions–whenever and however I can. On the other hand, I hear stories each day about people waiting until they retire to cash in on being happy and relaxed and refreshed. I believe at that point you’ve already forgotten what that feels like and are possibly so set in living life without it that it is impossible to enjoy relaxation.

Lately I’ve been listening to zen music and tuning out for just a handful of minutes each day. Sometimes those minutes stretch into hours and I try to tune in and do work in the ‘zen mode’. I haven’t mastered the art of staying zen. I haven’t figured out how to reload and let go the tensions of the day, but I’m working on it. This is a problem that needs to be solved.

Some weeks you just try to make it through. You push on, keep your head low, and you survive.

I survived a long and tough week It was not incredibly different than the weeks before it. I think the real issue is that I hit a point in the semester where we’ve come too far to be fresh and new and are still too far away from the end of the road for any of that to come into focus. As a result I’ve been drained all week and unable to connect intellectually with much of anything. Cal it a wasted week or perhaps even needed downtime. I still actually need some downtime before nanowrimo kicks off and I start writing like a maniac.

Not a lot to say here. I’m all tapped out.