I am a better teacher than I am today. I am a better writer than I am today. I am the person I choose to be and I am proud of that man. I believe in who I can be as much as I did yesterday and tomorrow.
Part of my new morning ritual is to write and to read before I turn to television. I noticed that while in NYC I only watched TV twice. Sure, there were shows I could’ve caught but there was no need. There is so much excitement and entertainment in Gotham that the TV becomes a secondary thing. Not so in the suburbs where outside all is quiet. It is easy to fall into the routine of watching TV on the couch and remaining there indefinitely. There are certainly enough distracting shows to keep me going–for days at a time. I suppose this is where the term binge watching comes from. I feel like cutting the cord will help me in this regard, though it means telling my kids that they can no longer ‘record’ their favorite shows. Still, they too need to develop better rituals.
For me it starts with writing and reading–putting my mind in that space where I am reminded of the power of creativity. After comes the hard work. I intend to be more devotional to my job moving forward. I am fortunate enough to work in academia and, for the most part, not to be in a place where politics rule the day. It is still about the students and the learning and giving them what they deserve. For me it is largely about delivering a experience that is engaging, enjoyable, and academically fulfilling. I haven’t hit the stride I found at my last college before that was disrupted by administrative duties. I recognize I can’t get that stride back but instead have to find a new stride that matches who I am now and how I’ve evolved my understanding of teaching and learning. It is however the essence of the goal that mattes most. I am a better teacher than I am today.
Better at most things is the trajectory I prefer to have. I feel like when a person tops out they have nothing to do but get worse or step away. I see the getting worse aspect as much in teaching as I do in sports. I’m seeing it more and more in writing, and I recognize that some of the writers guilty of it see that in themselves. You can tell by the afterwords or the shift in the bio and often even the tone of the books. It isn’t a matter of burnout but instead flameout. The fuel is less or different or not there at all. I’m not at that point. I am a better writer than I am today.
All of this becomes about choice and dedication. I am willing to put in the work and pain needed to be that guy. It is a choice and a difficult one to stick to, because giving up is easy. The TV is waiting for me outside this door and it is so darn appealing. I’m not ready to give in though. I’m still developing, still trying, and still accepting who I am each step of the journey. I am the person I choose to be and I am proud of that man. I believe in who I can be as much as I did yesterday and tomorrow.