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I’ve been sitting here thinking about what to get my 8 yr old boy for xmas and in the back of my mind I am very thankful to still have a boy at all. Earlier today A gunman stormed a school building out on the east coast and murdered a lot of people. He wasn’t a ‘criminal’ and he wasn’t the person ‘you’d expect’ as if these things could be predicted. He was an angry 20 yr old who murdered his parents and in the process of doing so, took the lives ov many children.

I don’t care what his parents did to make him feel the need to take their lives, he did not have to kill those children. There is no reason I can think of that this Christmas should be a time of pain an mourning for any family let alone the many affected by this tragedy. Worse still, there is no justice here; no answers are forthcoming. The gunman took his own life at the scene, so we will never be able to string him up, to have the parents look him in the eye and say how it felt to lose their child. No catharsis can occur because he stole that from the families as well.

There are not a lot of words I can say tonight to reflect the horror that occurred. I will say this: I grieve for the parents who lost their loved ones today. A tragedy like this does not need to happen. I hope that this will not be politicized. I hope that it doesn’t become the rallying cry for one side or the other to change rules. The fact is a lone gunman cannot be stopped so long as he is willing to sacrifice himself in the process. We have seen that time and time again in these instances. It is not the time to preach policy. It is the time to stand beside those who are affected by this tragedy and do what we can to help them survive these dark days.

 

After several years my wife has graduated from nursing school. I wont deny that the schooling put a cramp in our relationship. Between three kids, my work, my writing, her studying, and her schooling there was no time for each other. The burden of education is heavy and it can destroy relationships or it can grow them.

In many ways going through this process was a growth process for me. I believe I will write about it, if only through fictional characters, at some point in time. I learned what I need from a partner, what I get from my partner, what I need from myself, and what I need for me to be happy in the many years of life I hopefully have left to live.

So as she graduates we graduate into the next phase of our relationship. We’ve got a lot of work to do as parents, and I am pleased to know we’ll be doing that important work together.

The wire is officially compromised.

See, I am a fan before I am a picker and deep down inside I believe in the interconnectivity  of the known multiverse and the persuasive power of will. It is a proven fact that witnessing an event actually affects the outcome of said event–at least at the quantum level. As such I am compelled to make several picks this week that reflect my desire to see the Jets limp into the playoffs and somehow knock off the Patriots. So, please recognize that what I write now represents that skewed reality.

 

PHI over CIN
Foles is not the answer. Vick was a good effort, but the team quit on the coaching staff and the O-line quit once the first paychecks were cashed. Must love dogs indeed. Still, Cincy needs to lose twice.

NYG over ATL
Yeah, this is the game of the week for me, because I want to see if Big Blue’s patchwork of a secondary can contain Matty Ice. If so, we are looking at a realistic run to the Superbowl.

GB over CHI
The Chicago D is ailing and the GB offense is getting weapons back. This is a recipe for a heck of a showdown in Chicago. Weather conditions may shape the outcome of this game, as snow tends to favor a strong running game, which GB does not have.

WSH over CLE
RG3 or not, CLE is not good enough to wipe away the momentum this team has gained over the past few weeks.

MIN over STL
MIN is not SF. Somehow this team has SF’s number, but AP is a beats who will be fed a lot of balls inside the dome. Greatest show on turf indeed.

MIA over JAC
Where is my hercules?!?!?!

NO over TB
Quietly Tampa Bay has gone the way of the Cardinals. They are not looking like the team we all thought they were.

BAL over DEN
Manning is going to eat a lot of turf this game. BAL is angry and hungry, needing a big win to reassert themselves as a major force in the AFC playoff picture.

IND over HOU
Houston got their butts whipped and now they need to face a hungry playoff contender who is on a roll and in search of wins.

SEA over BUF
No Brainer. The Bills are terrible. They may not win again this year.

DET over AZ
See above.

CAR over SD
I just don’t believe SD is for real. They can come up with a win now and again, but the group doesn’t have the chops to be a real contender, at least not with the current staff and player leadership.

DAL over PIT
Pit needs to lose. Please. There, I said please.

OAK over KC
The Toilet Bowl 2012. KC at least has a spot of momentum while OAK just flat out stinks.

SF over NE
I don’t think NE dismantles another top team this week. I think the SF D bloodies Brady and makes them grind it out on the ground.

NYJ over TEN
Yeah, TEN can run fast, but can they take that Jet pounding? Unlikely. The passing game is going to be a non factor for both teams. We’ll get to see which RBs are real.

 

 

Most everything in the American culture is rushed. We spend so much time moving from one activity to the next that it is terribly hard to drown ourselves in any given experience. I am pushing, if only a little, towards a life where time means less and enjoyment means more. One way to do this is to make sure I give proper time to the things that matter. Setting aside time for what you care about is important. I learned over the past few years that you cannot mead out the time you spend with your family. It is not possible to say, “I will give you two hours tonight.” That is language they don’t understand, nor is it conducive to any form of enjoyment, as the time limit becomes a roadblock quickly rushing towards you. I see it when I coach football. How much time will I have for X, Y, Z?

I’m learning that you have to set aside time for the things that time can be set aside for. Grading is one such beast. My policy of 48 hrs turnaround or you get an A is sure to cause a few A’s in the beginning, but I will get to the point where it works well enough for me to stick with it.

As for the personal and professional writing, That too needs to happen on a schedule that provides a sense of freedom in the rest of my life. I just haven’t found a way to make that happen yet.

I am closing in–again–on that precious state of mind and productivity that is oh so elusive to my ilk. I am at the end of a long hard semester and my responsibilities are shrinking. This coincides with an uptick in desire to be successful in life. I went through a well documented period of stasis when I started asking myself questions like, what the heck am I doing this for? The answer didn’t matter because the question was false, driven to the front of my thought stream by stress, distractions, and uncertainty. The fact is I lost site of the love. I let the distractions take over and turn me into someone who I didn’t like very much.

I am still lazy. That is going to take some undoing. I see the same qualities in my smarty pants 5 yr old. These are the qualities that match the slowly eroding intellect I am currently in possession of. Next week I am going to start writing about the things I learned this year, and foremost among them is that smarts are a gift that must be grown, less they shrivel and die.

Took too long to figure that out. I wonder what life could’ve been had I known sooner…

Been negligent on the Waiver Wednesday blog. Part of it is discontent from teams like the Jets who persist in sucking. Part of it is being disenchanted with the season and part is the level of disappointment I’ve experienced as a fantasy player. In the real world I’ve been playing ball as well. Every Sunday is Football Sunday, and I’ve been improving. I should never have expected to wipe away 8 years of inaction in 8 weeks. Yet, I did and now I’m feeling it.

I think people who are not in shape are not in shape because they don’t care enough to be or don’t know how. I cannot go to the gym without an out of gym goal in mind. I’m no gym rat, so the idea of exercise just as a way to look good is foolish to me. It needs to improve my performance in some other part of my life. It needs to raise my STR and AGI stats just that much higher. While football gives me a reason to exercise, coaching gives me a reason to study the game that much more.

The Flag season begins this next month and I have two team, both named the Jets, who are preparing for battle. I love being a coach and bringing the kids together to play. I am glad it is happening during the spring semester, because fall was a mess.

 

It is safe to say that this was the worst semester of my teaching career. While I fulfilled the minimum job requirements, I don’t believe I reached students the way that I am capable of. I don’t think I inspired, or changed lives, or enlightened. I went back to being disorganized and suffered from bad tech and even worse socio-political drama.

Life gets in the way of being successful sometimes. Life can even hinder success to the point where you stop trying. Every school I work at has teachers who have simply given up. They run through the routines like machines, collecting a paycheck to maintain a way of life. I saw myself headed there and it was a dark and scary place. I wish to always have a desire to be the best at what I do. I am not the best, and I don’t presently have the desire to push to be the best, but I expect to be better next semester.

Maybe that drive is not a switch one can flip to the active position. I’ve tried changing wardrobes and setting goals, even imagining what life would be if I were better at what I do. As I commented yesterday, nothing happened. I know I will try harder, I just don’t know how I am going to do that.

 

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Seems like only a little while ago I was saying goodbye to BSG. Now I am saying goodbye to Fringe. All the good sci-fi is ending. What comes next?

I keep thinking about that big red school house on 81st and Madison. P.S. 6 was where I spent my formative years. I shoplifted from the candy store a block away. I walked to and from this point so many times that the route to Harlem is etched in my waking consciousness. I remember how on those long walks to 135th I thought about my ‘stats’ namely the skills and physical attributes I had and wanted to improve. I never thought about the age 37. I never considered what it would feel like to get old–hell, I thought Batman was an immortal soul who somehow was older but not really old. Now that I am old–older–I often wander back to those ‘stat’ walks and think about where my stats are now.

The physical stuff took a dip. Just this evening my wife hacked my facebook account and posted that I was off to work on my grinch belly. True Story. So we can say my speed, agility, and strength all declined. The decline is in direct proportion to aging and weight gain. I’m struggling with finding the motivation to do anything about that. Likewise I am struggling with the motivation to improve other aspects of my life. Call it suburban comfort or even a lack of fight or flight instincts in this stage. I’ve gone on about this before, but there doesn’t seem to be much change happening.

What to do about that?

The shock of the Sanchez decision actually pushed the wire back a day. I thought–hoped–the collapse we’ve seen over the last few weeks would have meant certain change. Unfortunately, the Ryan-Tannebaum connection collectively abhor spending that much on a player they cannot play. So, Sanchez continues and the Jets may win, but the fact of the matter is that Sanchez is not the guy. He needs to be sold off or just cut and let the guys they have in the wings take a real shot at this thing.

New York, as it turns out, is a disappointment all around. The G-men cannot get out and on a roll, the Jets stink and the Bills…yeah, that is a real mess. Finally my RL teams and fantasy teams are on the same cycle of success and failure. This year we are all in various stages of injury and or suck. Giants lost a tackle last game and I still haven’t gotten back my RB. I did muster a handful of correct picks. 8-8 to make me 120 – 71. A lot of uncertainty this week, so it could be painful. Here we go:

1. DEN over OAK
2. BUF over STL
3. CIN over DAL
4. CLE over KC
5. IND over TEN
6. CHI over MIN
7. PIT over SD
8. TB over PHI
9. BAL over WSH
10. CAR over ATL
11. NYJ over JAC
12. SF over MIA
13. NYG over NO
14. SEA over AZ
15. GB over DET
16. HOU over NE

I better be right. I’m worse than Golic these days…

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Speaking of Golic, I am getting too fat to live. I see myself in pictures and develop an instant complex. Need to be more powerful about my weight and health. I am not quite ready to die. Too much to write.
2. Terrible de ja vou today. I wish I understood why that sort of…resonance…happens.

Every year around this time I become a terrible liar. The lie is older than I am. See, I tell my kids about Santa and then I use that red-suited specter to keep the boys in line. Being boys wanting toys, the Santa myth is highly effective. I warn them about the naughty list. I tell them Santa will be sending them a video shortly in order to let them know if christmas will be happy or sad.

This is likely a form of abuse. Fear mongering at the very least. Still, in the world of parenting, fear works. Sometimes you need a stick and sometimes a carrot. Santa exists as a both at once. This is a small lie and one most kids seem to forgive of their parents. It is also a common lie; the one we parents tell in order to maintain peace and keep a bit of the mystique about christmas