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I still think like a kid. Sure, I have all the trappings of adulthood. I have the job, the family, the responsibilities, but I think like a kid. I play, I laugh, I run. I want to have fun every day. This different style of thought allows me to really enjoy my everyday and, I believe, connect with my kids on a basic level.

I suspect the problem with modern life is this inability to connect with our own youth vs. behaving like we still are youth. Some grown people will fight wars over imagined slights, harkening back to the machismo of youth. Meanwhile, others may see imagined slights and, like kids, get over it real fast.

I suppose I am making more out of this than I should, and that too is a kid’s approach to life. Everything is bigger. Everything is of the utmost importance and failure hurts real bad–until the next thing comes along. You care about everything everyone thinks about you until you don’t. You fall in love hard and fast and stay in love as long as possible. You eat like a monster and stay thin forever.

I’m rambling now.

Some Thoughts:

1. I put the (I) there, because at some point I want to discuss the possibility that thought itself is an illusion; that we think we think but in fact are hypercomplex self-replicating biological computers merely responding to our programming and processing input. But that is a conversation that cannot be written while watching Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

I’m watching Rhona Mitri do Cinemax action porn. No nudity for Rhona, but the show usually fills us up with the requisite sex to go along with the violence of each episode. The show is good; a guilty pleasure to whisk away an hour of my friday night better spent writing or grading. I watch because I enjoy it, because it looks great on a 51″ screen, and especially because I think this is where we are headed with TV. The last few notable new shows drifted away from the rote cop and lawyer drama into the realm of the military. Shows like Strike Back, Homeland, and Last Resort draw on our perceptions of the military life and give us civilians and new vets something to stare at.

I cannot speak for the vets. I would not assume that doctors, lawyers, and cops are watching their TV counterparts glorify their trade. Likewise I am not going to assume vets are flooding the chat boards with praise of the old new military genre. Still, there is no question that soldiers are coming home, and people who have no experience with the veteran class have questions about what it is they lived through and may still carry with them. These shows sensationalize that, but they also recognize the soldier as a person and a hero. That is why I think they’re working.

I watch Strike Back for the thrills. I watch Homeland for the intrigue. I watch Last Resort, because I haven’t seen anything like it before. I will continue to watch, and if something new and military comes along, I will be more inclined to watch that too.

Some Thoughts:

1. I had an opportunity to change my vote on the Cardinals game, because I posted after it began. I maintained my integrity and it cost me a win.
2. Feels like I’m getting a handle on my responsibilities for the semester. The difficult part is to sit down and really get out from under the work and to a place where I can mark priorities and push through what needs to be done inside the classroom, in the office, and in my writing life.
3. Vegas trip this November with some great friends and coworkers. I’m excited!

A broken clock is right twice a day. Unfortunately, one that works can be wrong all the time. My fantasy season is starting to shape up that way. For starters, I benched the 49’rs Defense and they had the greatest defensive performance of this young season. On the other hand, my pick ’em success has been a real ego boost for me. The trend continued this week with a 9-6 record. Some of the picks were (failures in red):

BAL over CLE
SF over NYJ
ATL over CAR
CHI over DAL
GB over NO
HOU over TEN
MIN over DET
ARI over MIA
STL over SEA 

BUF over NE 
KC over SD
OAK over DEN
JAC over CIN
TB over WAS
NYG over PHI

On to the picks for this week:

AZ over STL
I know I’m posting this as the game is still going on, but this pick came long before the game (that the cards were losing last check) started. The Cardinals will continue to roll until faced with the possibility of playoffs.

MIA over CIN
Miami is on the verge and the QB has stayed loose all season. If Bush can do his thing in the screen game, there will be a reckoning in Cincy.

GB over IND
This could turn into a shootout. I think Rodgers has more ammo in his chamber than Luck.

BAL over KC
No comment needed.

NYG over CLE
I almost called this the other way. Giants are dejected following a close loss in Philly.

PIT over PHI
PIttsburgh doesn’t have the same sort of history with PHI that the G-Men do, which means that they won’t be worried and will handle their biz–especially after watching tape on the pass rush last week.

ATL over WASH
Falcons are used to the VIck type. That’s all we need to know.

CAR over SEA
As a home game, I give this to Carolina.

CHI over JAC
Jacksonville is not a good team. I feel that they are a worse offensive engine than the Bears and definitely don’t have the defensive capacity of the Bears D. Fact is, Jacks may have hit their win quota for the year.

MIN over TEN
I can’t express how surprising this season has been. MIN is back and in charge of their destiny to a certain extent. They have the chance to be a wildcard team. TEN does not. I expect Johnson to continue striving for 100 yds. So long as he has Hassleback, he’ll get it.

DEN over NE
NE had to resort to the run game and the D in order to survive the best BUF could offer prior to the implosion. Now, DEN is not BUF. I don’t think Brady is the QB he used to be and that is going to show against this solid defensive unit.

SF over BUF
See above re: implosion. BUF is done for the year.

NO over SD
The line must be drawn here. NO cannot go 0-5. Nope.

HOU over Jets
Another season long past the sell-by date. Very sad for my team…

I am not sure when the cycle began. Maybe it was the moment my son ran into my room screaming and calling out apologies. It might have been the moment before, when I heard the ceiling fan come apart in his room. The more I struggle to recall the starting point, the more glimpses of dismay slide into focus. There was the moment after My son’s music concert last night when the strap came loose from my $200 camera and it crashed to the ground. The flat tire signal coming on. The strange sounds the car made all throughout the evening and well into this new day. Then, of course, there is the matter of the missing wallet.

I cannot say when it went missing. The range of time spirals outward from school night at McDonalds, where I last used it. I noticed the missing wallet this morning and have since been frantically searching for it to no avail. As I write this post I am taking a break from cleaning my car. Any hope that it slipped out of my pocket and on to the car floor faded with the writing of these words.

I have never really lost a wallet, so I have a lot to learn about replacing all of the cards and information I stored there. I have experienced a spin cycle, or downward spiral, or black cloud–whatever name people use these days to express those moments of utter hopelessness where everything seems to turn out wrong. I am hoping some things turn out right, or at least I can find the start time, so I have a better sense of when this nightmare will end.

This sort of thing comes around once a year at least. The duration often depends on the intensity, and it is generally limited to electronics. Since this has nothing to do with electronics, I might be experiencing something else entirely; some new form of trial designed to test me in ways I would not have imagined.

Or maybe it is penance for giving that horrible TV show, Revolution, a second chance last night. The moment I hit record on the DVR I knew I was making a mistake. No matter the cause or outcome, the real battle is how I deal with this adversity as it happens.

So far, I think I am holding up okay.

The night came crashing down in the form of a ceiling fan blade still attached to its metal arm. A child followed screaming hysterically. Amidst the tears and pleas for forgiveness he managed to give this account:

He was snug in his loft bed when he realized that his clothes were still on. He did what any five year old child would do; he pulled off his shirt and shorts and tossed them to the ground. Only, the shorts never landed. He looked out towards the ceiling fan, which was no longer rotating but instead whirring angrily. There he found his shorts wedged between a blade and the base. He watched this curiously, wondering first how it happened and then what would happen next. There was a sound like metal tearing and the fan blade became unmoored from the fan. It fell to the ground with a loud thunk! The boy, now realizing the terrible thing he’d done, began to panic. He started to cry. He ran towards my room screaming, “It was an accident!”

I joined the story here. At first I thought he took a life given how panicked he was. Turns out he thought he took his own life, or that I would take it at the tail end of a glorious beating sure to find me incarcerated or worse. The thunk was the first I heard of the trouble. I followed him back to the room asking what happened. When I saw the fan his shrill cries for mercy leapt three octaves.

I did not beat the child with the fan blade as he suspected. The loss of the $100 fan made me sad, but seeing his condition was punishment enough for the atrocity. Of course, I let him know he was on probation. One slip up and punishment will reign. As for the fan, we don’t have a replacement. Their room is directly above the garage and hot enough that the fan was the only thing keeping them cool at night.

I’m still looking for ways to cool that space down.

Some Thoughts:

I was thinking about Ann Coulter again. While searching for video clips for my SOC/ENG learning community I stumbled across some of her videos. The one that set me off was when she said she wished we could get to the point where we admitted we elected a leader simply because of the color of his skin. I thought, well can we get to the point where we admit that said leader has qualities of value that extend far beyond the color of his skin? It is that line of thinking that drags me back into the political foray yet again. Watching the news, even CNN, I am left to wonder if the 24 hr news orgs are actively trying to make this a real political race if for no other reason than to have airtime. It wouldn’t be the first time a news org elevated the importance of an event simply to sell adspace and attract viewers. Casey Anthony comes to mind.

I realize this isn’t Waiver Wednesday, but I spent a great deal of time today playing football and then watching it. The first hour or two was simply me on the ground looking up at the TV, because the legs wouldn’t work. That is what happens when you haven’t worked cardio for years and then run routes for two hours. Those two hours are my new weekly fix. I was welcomed into the weekend warrior community in a 2 hr football fest where I caught as many balls as I dropped–including a nice touchdown catch and a terrible TD drop in the endzone.

Once the playing was over I went on to watch my favorite teams play as my fantasy team has played: badly. The Jets were blown out at home while the Giants reminded America that they have no answer for the Eagles, dropping 8 out of the last 9 contests. The reason this climbs out of Waiver Wednesday is the emotional let down the losses brought.

I don’t know why people love sports to the point of emotional attachment, but we do become involved with our teams. We become rabid and we live and die by their actions. It feels like a biological thing; a way that we stay connected to the lizard brain and the us vs. them mentality. As evolved as I want to believe I am, I need that us vs. them fix. It gets my blood up. Sadly, when the Giants and especially Jets are involved, it can also get my sadness up.

The dirty little secret of politics is that it is not possible to get anything serious done without a preponderance of social capital. The dirty little secret of science is that nobody knows why, if, and especially not how we are here. The dirty little secret of finance is that nobody knows what happens next. So how do all these things work together? The knowing is the only thing that can get us to escape the cycle of destruction.

I often worry about reality, wondering openly if it–we–actually exist, or if this is something else entirely. As I’m wondering I am watching Romney and Obama duke it out about how they intend to spend our taxes and somehow lower this deficit. Sometime this October I’ll explain what the deficit is and why we really shouldn’t be all that worried. I’ll follow that with a conversation about a little known act by the government that allowed banks to put us in this mess in the first place. Still, the reason why this is all happening is because we don’t know what else to do. Many of us turn to God, in whatever form we recognize, for our moral compass. What such a compass does is tell you what to do with your life. Not all of us use religion. Many of us use wealth as a compass. The only goal is to accumulate more wealth until we die. It isn’t even about the money, it is about having more of X than the person next to you. Money is X, the way to keep score in this game.

What if we knew why we were here? Some of us wouldn’t care and would continue these baseless lives. I believe that more of us would put ourselves to the task and we would be able to accomplish anything. The problem is, in this existence, the sole unifying factor seems to be war. We rally together to kill, but for little else. It seems we need an outside force to come in in order to get us moving.

Reading through inMaricopa, my town’s semi-regular news magazine, I discovered a hidden football league. Apparently there is a pickup football league every sunday morning only a mile from my home. The league is 10 years old, escaping my notice because it takes place at 7:30 in the morning. I don’t even think that early.

But I will play football.

I’ve been looking for some more pressing reason to get in shape. Football has always gotten me motivated to pop off the couch and put in some work. I plan to get up this sunday and go out for a pick up game. I only know one of the guys who goes out there. I’ve coached his son in the past. I am hoping that brief connection is enough to get me on the field. I need the opportunity to run, to want to run, to have a reason to get in the gym and work a little more.

At some point the dream of getting back in shape enough to put in two more seasons of AZFL died. Maybe it was killed by the reality of 3 kids and a wife in nursing school. With that death followed the immediate growth of my belly to a size bordering on dangerous. Bad choices swarmed in behind that, and over time I stopped believing that there was much I could do about being out of shape and unmotivated. I noticed how that affected my attitude towards life itself. I think about death way more than is healthy and eat so much fast food that I am likely speeding towards that eventual demise. This could be my chance off that emotional roller coaster.

It is important to know who you are and what motivates you. I am motivated by competition. Provided with the opportunity to play football every week, I will work my butt off to make the best of that opportunity. I need this.

Remember that thing I said last week about nincompoops? That happened big time. As most sports fans know, the refs blew several calls in a single play that led to an improbable come from behind victory for the Seattle Seahawks. Golden Tate (new member of my team) claimed to catch a pass that was already caught by the Packers DB at the end of a Hail Mary throw to end the game. It was ruled a TD and the rest is debacle. The silver lining? I picked that game for the Seahawks.

Going into Week 3, I was 18 – 14, 4 games over .500 and tied with several prominent pickers. Week 4 was supposed to be my go ahead week. How did it turn out? 10 – 5, bringing me to 28 -19. It was a good week. It put me ahead of everyone at ESPN save Mortensen (31-17), Wickersham (30-18), and Schefter (28-20). Only Mortensen had a better record than me last week (11-5). If I can keep this pace up I might be able to separate from the pack in a week or two.

The same cannot be said for the fantasy league. I scored my best game all year only to come in second in scoring that week in the league. Of course the person who won the weekly scoring crown for our league happened to be playing me. So despite 146 points, I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I’ve considered changing my team name to Jobbed.com, buying the website, and moving the waiver wednesday there. I might change the name at least, because what is an Energon Crew without Megatron?

Oh well, on to the picks…

BAL over CLE
CLE continues to struggle on both sides of the ball and Flacco is hitting his stride. Better still for BAL is the absence of CLE star CB Joe Haden. This prompted me to pick up Baltimore’s #3 wideout Jacoby Jones. He is primed for a big day.

ATL over CAR
Superman met Kryptonite last week in the form of the Giants pass rush. He’ll overcome that this week for a big game, but in this shootout, ATL has the better chance.

BUF over NE
Everyone is picking NE, but I saw something in Brady last week that I hadn’t seen before: Weakness. He did his thing for sure, but while BAL is built to battle teams like Pittsburgh and the Jets, BUF was strategically drafted and signed in order to overcome New England. I have to believe they will do that, no matter who ends up running the ball.

MIN over DET
Detroit never sleeps on the Vikings, but if All-Day Peterson gets started, there is no way DET survives the rush.

KC over SD
KC has been doing okay against the pass, but they’ll be tested this weekend. I think they pull through on the power of a developing running game.

STL over SEA
Pick the team that isn’t giving up 200 yds passing a game. Did you pick St. Louis? You should have. I see Tate getting shut out this week, just based on what happened a few nights ago. This is going to be about defense, and away from home Seattle shall struggle.

SF over NYJ
Revis Island sank. Nuff said

HOU over TEN
Houston is still tops in the NFL, and I don’t see many teams putting an L on them.

OAK over DEN
I didn’t watch the Pittsburgh game, so this one is a bit of a risky pick. I’m going against every other game picker, but I am also going with my gut on how the team is trending right now. They lose this game and then, suddenly, they go on a massive tear.

ARI over MIA
Arizona is legit. Kolb is surviving. He’ll struggle, rely on the check down, and make mistakes. However, the D will cover up any deficiencies.

JAC over CIN
Cincinatti is not going to stop Pocket Hercules.

TB over WAS
Washington is not real. I continue to disbelieve, no matter how legit RG III is he still plays for the Redskins. TB and toughman Schiano is going to put the whump on em.

NYG over PHI
Vick is too exposed. Giants got faster in order to contain guys like him, and his line got much worse. He’ll be sacked often and Manning will take advantage of the turnovers, even if he does commit a few of his own.

CHI over DAL
No, I am not over week 1. I think Jerry Jones is. I think he sees how these easy games are turning into close wins and the result of that play will be CHI strolling into one of the world’s greatest football stadiums and laying the smack down.

GB over NO
I cannot believe the Saints are going to go 0-4. Yet here we are…