I am not sure when the cycle began. Maybe it was the moment my son ran into my room screaming and calling out apologies. It might have been the moment before, when I heard the ceiling fan come apart in his room. The more I struggle to recall the starting point, the more glimpses of dismay slide into focus. There was the moment after My son’s music concert last night when the strap came loose from my $200 camera and it crashed to the ground. The flat tire signal coming on. The strange sounds the car made all throughout the evening and well into this new day. Then, of course, there is the matter of the missing wallet.
I cannot say when it went missing. The range of time spirals outward from school night at McDonalds, where I last used it. I noticed the missing wallet this morning and have since been frantically searching for it to no avail. As I write this post I am taking a break from cleaning my car. Any hope that it slipped out of my pocket and on to the car floor faded with the writing of these words.
I have never really lost a wallet, so I have a lot to learn about replacing all of the cards and information I stored there. I have experienced a spin cycle, or downward spiral, or black cloud–whatever name people use these days to express those moments of utter hopelessness where everything seems to turn out wrong. I am hoping some things turn out right, or at least I can find the start time, so I have a better sense of when this nightmare will end.
This sort of thing comes around once a year at least. The duration often depends on the intensity, and it is generally limited to electronics. Since this has nothing to do with electronics, I might be experiencing something else entirely; some new form of trial designed to test me in ways I would not have imagined.
Or maybe it is penance for giving that horrible TV show, Revolution, a second chance last night. The moment I hit record on the DVR I knew I was making a mistake. No matter the cause or outcome, the real battle is how I deal with this adversity as it happens.
So far, I think I am holding up okay.