Month: November 2012

I am always searching for something.
I went to Vegas looking for an escape from the everyday and a chance to slip into my writing skin and be that learner and that writer. Vegas is not the place to do that, mind you, but you work with the opportunities you are given. I didn’t find what I was looking for in Vegas, but I think I grew a lot through critical dialogue and great times with friends. The truth is we can’t escape from the lives we chose. We devote ourselves to those lives and those loved ones and we make a commitment to change a part of ourselves to meet their needs. Only by understanding and accepting that can we move forward with blending our desires with our reality. Writing is my first love, but I have a family I love as well. I can’t very well push out all thoughts of them for weeks at a time in order to focus on the literary any more than I can go more than a day or two without thinking about writing.

I am married to both and it is my relationship with both that shapes the words that eat away at the white spaces on my screen. I used to wonder at the changes Eddie Murphy went through once he had kids. He didn’t seem to be as funny anymore. His life experiences were different from the man he was when he did Delirious ad Raw. The new Eddie was foreign to me, but now I am starting to recognize his change as maturity.

This is going to be the second post. The first one wound its way into the digital nowhere after I accidentally clicked the wrong button. The first one spoke of dangerous levels of alcohol and how that, sometimes, leads one to dance at country bars. I suppose it was really a brief rumination on inhibitions and why we have them.

Humans spend an intense amount of time trying to separate ourselves from other mammals. It is as if wearing clothing and toying with fire isn’t enough. We have to set folkways, mores, norms, as many rules as we can to legislate our behaviors and maintain some communal sense of right and wrong. Of course, rules are made to be broken and in every country I’ve heard about there is a place where those rules are suspended. Las Vegas holds that place in American hearts, which is how I wound up doing the Cha Cha slide in a country bar.

We need these structures, supposedly to avoid backsliding into chaos and caveman behaviors. I guess we just don’t trust ourselves with the idea of not having boundaries, much in the same way I don’t trust my kids around a plate of cookies.

Some Thoughts:

1. It is odd how injuries become en vogue. This year everyone in football is getting the lisfrancs injury. I had not heard of that injury prior to this year. I wonder if it even existed?
2.  I want a Galaxy SIII… and a Playstation Vita. Not really on the Vita.

On two separate occasions I have hit for $100. Both times I collected $0. The joining thread? I didn’t spend enough credits to get the prize. Vegas is like that. It is also less of that writer’s getaway than I imagined. Though only in day two, I am not seeing much of an opportunity to tuck myself away and be the writer. I have had the time to be the guy who stumbles back to his room half-awake only to write a post that numbers 36 words. That took me fifteen minutes. True story. I was asleep for 14 of them.

I am enjoying Vegas, enjoying time away from responsibilities, and enjoying the chance to just be around writers. I had occasion to speak to Sherman Alexie today as well as one of the Lost Boys of Sudan. The thread between the two is as clear as identity discovery. Both are also tremendous authors who speak to a world that needs their voice to hold it in check. I intend to be such an author once I discover my story. In the meanwhile I continue to develop my voice through a series of works including some great stuff for Shadowrun.

Tomorrow I expect to do a bunch of writing and finally watch a FB game in Vegas, Vegas style. Tonight is more about cocktails and reading hour. I think I’ll finally finish My Name is Memory. I’m enjoying that read.

Vegas has ben a trip. I am enjoying the conference and the people who are around me for the next few days. However, I am extremely tired and slipping in and out of conciousness.

better poist tomorrow

He lifted the gun slowly, working to get the feel of the cybernetics in his hand and how they interacted with the metal. Taro called himself a one eye shooter, a squinter really. In his ‘good eye’ optics fed him hard data from the weapon. Weight, muzzle velocity averages, number of rounds. The weapon felt like a datapad, its entire life history scrolling real time across his retina… 

I get to do this for 4 entire days.  Every so often I depart from the natural world and enter into the metaphorical ‘cave’ to knead the words out of my soul. Those four days begin in the morning, and I hope to have occasion to produce a great amount in that time frame. I’ll be writing and living the writer’s life in that most Henry Miller-esque of ways. There is no June to be seen, but the words will pour out of me and into digital spaces like this one.

My last chance to write free like this was years ago. I always mean to make it a yearly thing, but circumstance always gets in the way. I’ve made room for two such occasions over the next few months and I am wildly excited to engage in both of them. See, when you are a writer, there is little else more thrilling than getting deep into a story where the words chew up the white space as fast as your fingers can slap the keys.

Doesn’t happen enough for most of us. Life doesn’t like it when we cheat on it with fantasy.

Well I am 1-9 in the fantasy league, easily the worst season I’ve ever recorded or even seen in my lifetime. Thankfully I can find a spot of solace in picking winning teams most of the time. I went wrong with the Giants this week, but who didn’t? Week 11 is going to be interesting, because several starting quarterbacks are out with injuries, leaving untested or rusty backups to come in and get-r-done. Lets get this done in short order. Last week I was 10-4 with some of those misses coming way outta left field–like the Giants. That number was the same as Mortensen’s for the week and ahead of everyone else. It isn’t an epic comeback, but I am a bit closer to first at 94 – 52. Mort and Wickersham have 102 and 103 wins respectively. With the next closest pack back at 92. This week could certainly shake things up.

MIA over BUF
They are not good by any means, but they still look better than Buffalo. Given the normally stout nature of the Miami run-defense, I suspect a low scoring affair in which Reggie Bush comes out on top.

ATL over AZ
Beat me once shame on you. Beat me twice… I don’t see it happening, not with the Fordham U kid in the driver’s seat. ATL has to bounce back less they lose the fragile confidence that propelled them along this (former) winning streak.

CLE over DAL
I’m calling upset here. The game is in Dallas and I know the Cowboys are hungry for the win. I just think the Browns are coming in looking to reestablish themselves as a legit NFL team. This might be the week they do it.

GB over DET
Yeah, GB is rested up and ready to bury feet in tight spaces. Suh and the Detroit D-Line will get to Rodgers but he will get to the Endzone early and often.

CIN over KC
They jacked the Giants and now they get to fly to KC with more than a little swagger. This looks like an easy pick.

PHI over WSH
Even on a week’s rest, this one is a no-brainer. With Vick out of the picture the team looks to lean heavily on #25 and that is a formula for success. Look for a lot of opportunities in the screen game as they try to keep the pressure off their young future QB. I’m not going to say he will take Vick’s job, but it is a possibility.

TB over CAR
The Bucs are rolling. This is another opportunity to bond with their coach and makes some waves in the NFC.

HOU over JAC
No pocket herc, no prayer.

NO over OAK
The pundits seem to think Palmer will have a big day. I think he is yet another in a long line of USC QB washouts, the worst of which I will talk about in a bit.

STL over NYJ
The Jets flat out S-T-I-N-K. Sanchez is the problem. He’s been one of the leagues worst passers since coming into the league and last year only Tebow was rated worse than him. That being said, Tebow won games with less talent around him. I believe that can happen again. Look, some folks are stars at practice while others are gamers. Tebow is a gamer. He shows up in the fourth quarter and you angrily wonder where he was for the first three and why the heck he is kicking the tail of your team. He did it to the Jets last year and it is high time to let him do it FOR the Jets this year. At the very least he will commit fewer turnovers than Dirty Sanchez.

DEN over SD
SD is a tough case. They have talent and decent coaching, but they just cannot seem to get it done. I don’t know what is wrong with that bunch. Maybe they just are a mediocre team.

IND over NE
Yep, I’m calling it. This will be a huge news story as the new gun beats the old.

BAL over PIT
The QB issues make all the difference here. Big Ben is hurt and without him it will be too much Ravens D.

SF over CHI
SF is slipping, but not that much. They won’t let a tie go unchecked. They will come out firing in this win and their QB of the future will prove he is not just a gimmick guy.

 

 

 

A lot of reflections over the past three days. Most of what I went through was the sort of junk that comes up on occasion when you bother to think about how you are feeling. Basically, I was feeling a spot of glee from the Obama election and a whole lot of ‘is this my life?’ from dealing with greedy + needy children. At one point I quipped that they were trying to kill me and, mathematically, I should be dead already.

In fact I am quite alive and feeling moderately healthy yet overwhelmed by the landslide of grading I have subjected myself to. I think I am really going to pare back the writing next semester in order to create an experience where students are scaffolding a few major projects. For 091 I project 3-4 projects done in stages that comprise a majority of the grade. Each project should have a solo and a group element that focuses on a specific topic or event. They can even be monthly endeavors. The first can be January, followed by February, and finally March. This tones down the April-May experience significantly, with students working on writinglab exercises and doing who knows what else. Or maybe I can shift that slightly, with the January project leading to a feb premiere and onward in that fashion, which still leaves April open for solo conferences and things all about who needs to be pushed further. How would it work from a points standpoint?

250 per scaffolded assignment (x) 3 assignments is 750. 250 for Writing lab. Or I could make it 200 per scaffolded assignment, 300 for Lab and 100 points just ‘floating points’ to be based on any number of in class assignments and games. I think the 200 works best, because it makes the monster of MWL work the workload.

For 101 it will be 3 assignments for 300 and 100 floating points. Hmm… sounds simple enough. How can I apply this formula to Sociology? Maybe I’ll work on that tomorrow.

This is going to be a rant….

For the first time ever I have reached a major disagreement with my wifey. We fall on different sides of an issue with our eldest child. According to the Doc, the boy is borderline for Attention Disorder and does not have hyperactivity disorder. Nonetheless she wants to try him out on medication to see if it helps his condition. What condition? I mean, ADHD is pretty well known and common and if the boy is negative for one half and positive for the other half, he might be suffering from something else–like dyslexia, which is known to mimic the symptoms of ADHD.

Our doc told my wife the nursing student that meds are what is best for our boy. She didn’t  offer any other suggestions but for a sample regimen of meds which would allow us to see how the meds affected his behaviors. Yet this offers no real solution to the learning problem, which is what got us to the doc in the first place. The fact is the boy cannot read. When asked about his troubles reading he expresses symptoms identical to that of dyslexia. But the doc says it will take the school up to six months to test him (note, she doesn’t even know what school the kid goes to. She isn’t familiar with Maricopa schools) and in the meanwhile we should do the drug option.

No. That is where we disagree. My wife buys the tale that we would be doing him a favor by, well, sedating him with this medication. She spends a lot of time in hospitals and even children’s units, so she knows what a benefit it is to everyone around them and even the child if they could just fit in. However, my kid DOES fit in. He is an Honor Roll student and has been since he came to school in Maricopa. His behavior, while loud and boisterous at times, is manageable and does not severely effect his grades or schoolwork. In fact, his academic effort is near the top of the class.

So, why drug him? Why indeed. I am standing on the tracks in front of the drug train, and I wont get off. I let it go when they put him on allergy medication for life, but I am really tired of drugs being a doctor’s answer to everything under the sun. I am interested in a second opinion, but it is the opinion of most doctors I encounter that drugs are the answer to everything. At what point did they stop being healers and start being licensed pushers?

So the wifey is angrily dealing with my unwillingness to give him drugs except for as a last resort. She says we cannot wait, but I say that there is no ticking bomb. There is nothing so wrong with his behavior now that he is unmanageable. If anything, he has gotten better at being attentive and being settled. He just hasn’t gotten any better at reading.

It is a week of reflections for me. The first is that I am still nowhere near where I need to be in football. I played as badly as the Giants did today, and though my team won the game (all but one so far!), I have played very poorly every week but the first I was there. This tells me my game is very very far from being back. The lateral movement is an issue as is the field awareness. I am having a rough time tracking the ball in the air. This, something that used to be instinctual, is now my my greatest challenge.

I cannot train for something like ball tracking alone. If I can, I haven’t figured out how to do so. Some of it is math. With next week being the Vegas trip, I have two weeks to figure out my timing on breaks to the ball. I need to work on keeping my feet moving and being aware of how far I can move in the time it takes for the ball to reach the receiver. It starts with tracking that first throw. You need to count the seconds from release to reception and know your distance to the receiver. Once you know that, you know exactly how far off you can play at range to target. This is the path to interceptions.

The path to catching the ball is running good routes and tracking the ball in the air. My problem has been running disciplined routes and following through. I need to be clear with the QB on what I am doing and get very open. I’m getting open deep, but these guys haven’t even taken a shot to me downfield.

I am not close. I am maybe a month or three away from having legitimate game. It will take time. I hope they put up with me that long.

It occurs to me that sometimes intimacy within a marriage can be a chore. A friend told me that and it stuck in my mind like corn between the teeth. This is not, of course, how a marriage should operate, but it seems that most marriages I am familiar with operate in this fashion. Sex is something of a quick affair stuffed in between pick ups and practices, done  hastily before the teeth are brushed and the first child cries out at night. There remains little opportunity to luxuriate in any form of intimacy in a marriage frought with kids. This is why a good partner invests in an even better babysitter–preferably an unattractive one in order to allay fears and insecurities.

I’m enjoying this weekend more than usual. I slept in, i’m going to play football in the morning, and I know that I don’t need to show up to work on monday. I can let that work sit for another 12 hrs and not rush through it all on sunday. I can take the time to really enjoy my kids and play video games and watch movies like I don’t have a care in the world. It is amazing how much one extra day really matters.