Day: July 8, 2013

This weekend all my kids’ basketball teams won their games. Like I said in an earlier post, that stuff matters. It isn’t because my kids are winning–losing has a much higher importance at this stage of their competitive development–it is because of who we are beating. Youth leagues are filled with coaches who don’t do things the right way. There are a slew of win first or look good first or even humiliate the opposition coaches who snap the fun out of a sport like they are wringing a towel. When I come up against one of these coaches I want to win. I coach harder, our whole coaching team bands together to squeeze every ounce of hustle out of our kids that we can. Sure, we want the hustle to become their mantra, but in those moments we also want to win.

Beating other coaches shouldn’t matter as much as it does, but it does. These guys come dressed in their matching outfits looking all the world like wannabe professionals and it bothers me when they beat my teams. It reminds me that shortcuts work. I says that if you find one kid who is extraordinary then you can ignore the development of the kids around them in pursuit of your winning. We don’t do it and sometimes we lose because of that. It serves as a reminder that there is always someone out there a bit cooler, faster, smarter than you are–someone who gets the job done better. Things like that push me to be more successful–even if less than they did before I had kids. Before the kids I was a lot more focused in mind, body, and spirit. Now it feels like I spend any free moments just trying to catch my breath.

Some Thoughts:

1. I think I figured out what hurts me most about the loss of my father-in-law. He is the last male father figure I have left. Sure, my biological dad is out there somewhere, but somewhere is a large place-especially when you don’t have any real interest in being found. So, that’s it. No more male role model to turn to and see what it means to grow old wisely. I need to figure out the rest of my journey on my own.
2. At some point I think I’ll take a pilgrimage to see the grave sights of my dad, Clarence and my father-in-law. It may be a journey I need to make alone, so I will need to figure out what to do about the wife and kids…

I’ve come to realize that my children are evil.

I’m not talking in the Dahmer “eat your face” or Damien “I am of the devil” evil, but a more subtle evil which masks itself as youthful folly and boredom. Kids in general are evil. We like to pretend they are sweet and cherubic, but they are trying out all the things life has to offer; all the manipulations and exploits they can discover. A child will lie to your face and, once caught, shrug it off as if it never mattered to begin with. Their quickly developing self-preservation instinct will lead them to manipulate and cajole at levels reserved for sociopaths and politicians. God forbid you challenge these antics. One small punishment becomes the line separating life from death–a line you placed them on the wrong side of with your actions, because kids no not responsibility or, often, guilt.

So, life quickly devolves into a stress-filled negotiation with these…minions. You learn to be strong and firm and stress to the point of exhaustion and none of it changes the way they behave. You spank and take stuff away and scream and listen to screams and fights and tattling and all the while you wonder why you put yourself through it.

Because you love them. They are the part of you that remains when you are gone. They are meant to be the best of you, even if they start out as the worst. They grow into adults and, hopefully, remember the time you had with them as some of the best days of their lives.

Some Thoughts:

1. The phone is still trashed. I’m trying to figure out the problem, but I believe I’ll need to go to the Verizon store tomorrow–after I go to Walmart to figure out if the fact that I purchased it at Walmart makes a difference. It turns on for a while and then drains immediately. I don’t feel safe making a 22 hr road trip with that phone.
2. After watching Amy Sedaris and listening to her brother, David, I am very interested to know what the rest of the Sedaris clan is like.