This weekend all my kids’ basketball teams won their games. Like I said in an earlier post, that stuff matters. It isn’t because my kids are winning–losing has a much higher importance at this stage of their competitive development–it is because of who we are beating. Youth leagues are filled with coaches who don’t do things the right way. There are a slew of win first or look good first or even humiliate the opposition coaches who snap the fun out of a sport like they are wringing a towel. When I come up against one of these coaches I want to win. I coach harder, our whole coaching team bands together to squeeze every ounce of hustle out of our kids that we can. Sure, we want the hustle to become their mantra, but in those moments we also want to win.
Beating other coaches shouldn’t matter as much as it does, but it does. These guys come dressed in their matching outfits looking all the world like wannabe professionals and it bothers me when they beat my teams. It reminds me that shortcuts work. I says that if you find one kid who is extraordinary then you can ignore the development of the kids around them in pursuit of your winning. We don’t do it and sometimes we lose because of that. It serves as a reminder that there is always someone out there a bit cooler, faster, smarter than you are–someone who gets the job done better. Things like that push me to be more successful–even if less than they did before I had kids. Before the kids I was a lot more focused in mind, body, and spirit. Now it feels like I spend any free moments just trying to catch my breath.
Some Thoughts:
- I think I figured out what hurts me most about the loss of my father-in-law. He is the last male father figure I have left. Sure, my biological dad is out there somewhere, but somewhere is a large place-especially when you don’t have any real interest in being found. So, that’s it. No more male role model to turn to and see what it means to grow old wisely. I need to figure out the rest of my journey on my own.
- At some point I think I’ll take a pilgrimage to see the grave sights of my dad, Clarence and my father-in-law. It may be a journey I need to make alone, so I will need to figure out what to do about the wife and kids…