A friend recently reminded me that I have a lot going on in my life. She challenged me to acknowledge that, to which I said, ‘yeah, yeah, yeah’. I was thinking that everyone has a lot going on in their life, so acknowledging that I have a lot going on felt somehow egotistical. Upon further review, it isn’t. Much is made of the phrase ‘stop and smell the roses,’ but what that actually means is take a step, breathe, and think about the positive you’ve wrought in your own life. There is nothing egotistical about that. It is simply a reaffirmation of the fact that you are worth something after all. This is doubly important if there is nobody in place to remind you that you don’t just absolutely suck at life.
For a while I felt that was egotistical too.
Being raised by someone who has no capacity to offer positive comments and then falling into relationship after relationship where the same thing happens does little to reinforce your self esteem. Therefore it is important to remember the self in self-esteem and become that person who can tell yourself that you are actually an okay person. Now there is a fine line between self esteem and baseless ego. I’ve crossed and watched that line be crossed far too often. At some point reality drifts into the realm of delusion and people start to believe that themselves (or their kids) are capable of things far beyond the realm of reason. In the end it is all about keeping a firm understanding of who you are and who the people around you are, and then finding a way to reinforce your personal life with the people who make you better instead of the people who make you worse.
All of these deep thoughts swirl back to the idea of me having a lot going on and being willing to accept the fact that there is some deeper reason that I over extend myself. We all have a capacity to do great things, but when we try to do everything and everything great, the quality suffers. By seeing what I am doing–all that I am doing–I can pull back and put my attention to where I think it is needed most, and find a way to fill my life with the people who can help me out in the other areas.
Some Thoughts:
- The gym experience is reminding me of everything I don’t like about working out. However, it is easier this time around. I recognize the need more so than I ever have since I stopped playing organized sports. This isn’t about being able to run faster or do more, it is about having the core strength needed to live the way I want to for as long as I want to. Perhaps that wisdom and renewed patience is what it means to be (almost) 40.