Month: February 2015

At long last we’ve come to the end of a trying flag football season. Yesterday my 10-12 team closed out with another loss. We are at the point where it seems pointless to give them the special awards, because they showed such limited effort through many of the games. They got down early and then got down on each other. It is hard to reward that. It is hard not to feel responsible for that myself, but I don’t know that I entirely am. A grandpa (of a kids whose parents I have still never met) stopped me before the game started and thanked me for coaching with patience. It felt clear to a lot of the parents that this season was about learning.

The other two were about winning. Going into the 8-9 double header we have a clear statistical defense player of the year (DPOY) and Fab 4 vying for offensive (OPOY). Despite my own kid’s admission that he was working for DPOY, OPOY is closer to his grasp. The Hustle Hawk award is out of his reach, but a possibility for his baby brother down on the 6-7 squad.

I’m doing something different with that team for the last game. I’m sacrificing offense in order to stack the D with the top 5 flag pullers. The goal is to lead with defense and demoralize the opponent. I have some kids with offensive flash and some raw kids who need to get touches in order to really show what they are capable of. I’m excited to see what they can do and what we can do as a team to close things out in both age groups.

Four weeks ago I watched a coach strap a tiny go pro video camera to his head and tape the game he was coaching against my team. Twenty four years ago I held a giant video camera the size of a small pig that was described as a huge advancement in miniaturization. The go pro had better resolution. The fact is we live in a time that is so vastly different than the era of my youth that it is practically unrecognizable.

I get the naysayers. In some ways we are still battling through Maslow’s hierarchy, using this new technology to act out ancient social conflicts. This is true–nothing about our wants and needs has changed in a fundamental way. We still want power, safety, sex. What is new and changes our world fundamentally is how thoroughly we wage these conflicts in cyberspace; non-material reality.

We are now too often passengers in our lives, living through the captured images of life spooled through the internet.

Three teams worth of a flag football season is coming to an end. The last games are tomorrow and saturday. Having my littlest Toms play to the next age group was a good idea. He was challenged by the league and had to learn how to move and juke in a way that 4-5 never required. Offensively he stands second on a very talented team in rushing touchdowns. Defensively he needs a lot of work. The five really shows on D, and that’s to be expected. Good D requires a level of practice and repetition he hasn’t had a chance to achieve. Next year he’s going to be in full Beast Mode on D. In this last game I expect to see him turn it up on offense and try to capture one of the three big awards for the season. He’s only got a outside shot, but even getting close is a big deal. Some of these kids–the ones in line for the awards are 8 or almost there and here he is a five year old trying to compete and lead on a one loss team. Nice.

8-9 is a similar situation. My seven year old played up and regrets it at times–so much so that he decided to play 6-7 soccer just for a chance to be utterly dominant again. He’s been dominant at times on a very good squad about to put their perfect record on the line in a double header this saturday. I don’t know about his award chances. Like I said, he’s dominant at times and background noise at others. His mind goes so fast sometimes that I wonder if he moves past the game while he’s still playing it.

10-12 is a hot mess. I started this blog talking about a one loss team and I’m going to end it talking about a one win team. Heading into tomorrow we’ve only managed to win a single game. It isn’t easy dealing with the size differential, but the lack of practice and energy really killed us. I suppose the worst part of it all is that we remain the only team in the league that doesn’t play starters. We put 5 kids on one side and 5 on the other side and go. Everyone plays equal minutes. Tomorrow I’m going to try it the way the other coaches do. I’m going to see what it looks like and how we do and how the players react. I want to learn as much as I can for the next season.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Bryan passed away. Those of you who read the blog are aware of my connection with him. I’m pretty numb at this point. The brevity of human life is at once wondrous, beautiful, and disturbing.

I had a topic all queued up to discuss but then I forgot it. I wasn’t near a pen when I dreamed it up, and given my present level of fatigue, I had little chance of actually remembering it long enough to write it down. All this is to say that I have very little to say. Call it a cyclical brown out–the dulling and misfiring of neurons centered around creative brain activity.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Every time I flirt with the idea of quitting writing I am instantly made aware of the impact it has on my life and spirit. Hell, I have the pen to prove it.
2. I’m at that point where I am bombarded by waves of negativity every single night. There is no value in responding and no value in just taking it on the chin. Is there a third option?
3. Summer is around the corner…. just in time.
4. If I hear one more story about an AZ person who we should all care about because he showed up on TV…. This didn’t happen in NYC.

When is the best time to write? It varies for people–can vary for a single person depending on the mood and the time of year. Most of what I read about writing is a reminder that the most important aspect of writing is BIC (butt in chair) on a regular schedule. I try to instill this philosophy in students, requiring they write 10 minutes each day. It is harder than it seems apparently. Most students fail to find the 10 minutes, let alone find a regular chunk of 10 minutes in which to be successful. Of course, I cannot blame them because I am still searching for my regular chunk of time. The perfect writing time and space can be as elusive and ephemeral as a Unicorn.

Alliteration aside, the ingredients of good writing are simple. You need time, space, and an opportunity to clear your mind. This is hampered by the daily trials of life and further dulled by television. For that reason your writing space should be away from the people and things that represent daily business as well as be devoid of any television, vimeo, snapchat, or other distractions. Preferably keep these things so far at bay that it is uncomfortable to have to leave your sacred writing space to go get them.

One of my biggest hurdles has been actually sitting down at my desk to write stuff. I’m being literal here. Sitting down properly also makes a big difference. If you’re laying on your side, casually pecking at the keys , you’re less likely to be fully engaged in the experience. It is supposed to be an experience. You are supposed to feel something (good, bad, otherwise) when your fingers fly across that keyboard.

Cleanliness and proximity of resources is the last issue I’ll bring up today. I, of the messy office association, recognize that cleanliness is next to godliness and when we write we are meant to be gods shaping and watching the worlds we divine be shaped. I’m torn on whether or not one writes better in a clean space. Once I actually get in the chair it doesn’t matter if my office looks like the victim of an F5. On the other hand, if my office does look a mess, it is harder to justify sitting in that mess.

No perfect answers today, just suggestions. After all, nobody knows the right way for you to do things and al any of us can do is figure out the best way to live and work with ourselves.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. A concept I’ve recently become familiar with is the cordial silence. When you’re on the outs with people they’ll be kind to your face if and when they must but maintain total radio silence otherwise. This is new to me and rather interesting. Consider part of my adjustment to being someone who is spoken more about than to.

Days like this I feel like it would be easier living in the era of the zombie apocalypse. Less politics. Digging through the last few years of posts I found that this isn’t the first time I’ve been to this point, but the first time it has been so low and pervasive. I feel like I’m in a constant hamster wheel of negative energy and unable to stop long enough to focus on the good things in my life.

And they are a plenty.

The problem is me making the wrong choices in a field of really bad choice options. Today I allowed a misunderstanding to snowball into something truly dark–a matter that could have been avoided if I had been more forthcoming about what was going on ahead of time as opposed to trying to spare feelings and avoid confrontations. I don’t think it helps that I haven’t been honest and up front about where I am emotionally.

I spend a lot of time thinking about what it means to be the best possible version of myself. Lately I’m trending in the other direction and watching the people around me flake off, growing disinterested in this lesser version of myself. I get it. However, you cannot go through all I’m trying to endure and not show cracks. There is a deep and lasting reason why stress kills.

There is also a deep and evident reason why a lot of that stems from always trying to protect others and coddle or correct negativity when I know that I cannot. I’m done with all that. I’m done protecting feelings and trying to deescalate conflict. It isn’t working. I don’t know why I am surprised. It never has worked.

So, less I fall into the classic definition of insanity it is long past time to look at the past and consider where I’ve been in order to better chart the path to this destination–this place in my heart and mind where I can build myself up to be that person I know I am capable of being.

When I started this blog there were a handful of posts about the people that most affected my life. If my friends are to be believed (and they are), I tend to devote the majority of my energy to negative people and this misguided perception that I can somehow make them happy or solve their problems. In fact, those people were the ones who I allowed to define my professional life. Through all of the negativity of the first few years out here there was one guy who was my rock and kept me steady through some very trying times. He was a dad and big brother to me–a mentor who gave me enough space to allow me to learn but lead me and caught me when I strayed from the right.

Bryan Tippett helped me start to be the person I am trying to be today. He taught me some important lessons about life and work and love and understanding people. Even more importantly, he was aware of my tendencies to drift towards negative people and served as a vocal counterbalance and reminder not to do so.

This is all past tense. At some point we had a falling out. I got angry about the business and politics of education and chose to move on from the school and in a lot of ways the relationship. I didn’t burn bridges, but weeds grew through the cracked earth of forgotten friendships. I focused on the new and the now, preferring to spend my time establishing what was in place at the new school and cultivating relationships there. I was a fool and I left the people who mattered–especially Bryan–behind me.

Four weeks ago I saw Bryan at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I was with my boys and saw him from afar. I can used the excuse that he seemed like he was in a rush or we were. The truth is I felt guilty and awkward and terribly afraid I’d already disappointed him. That factored into why I haven’t come to see him now while he is sick. I don’t want to see him like that, though I know that it isn’t about my wants and needs now. I don’t know that I’ve ever told Bryan how much I owe him, but I hope he knows.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. The universe seems to keep reminding me that I reveal too much of myself on this blog. Some rebuke my honesty or say it exposes me or them too much. I understand all that as I understand that sometimes being open gives people the fuel they need to chip away at you. I get it but I won’t quit being real about who I am and what I go through.

Somewhere in the bowels of CBS corporate is a Sociologist who ought to be punched in the face. The more I study the lineup of shows the corp produces the more I recognize s/he exists and is putting the good knowledge of sociology to profitable and terrible use.

Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race–all of these things are more than just reality shows. They are classic social tropes and stereotypes slammed together awkwardly in an effort to reinforce our understanding of stereotypes and perhaps redefine them. Not in a positive way, of course. Instead the shows this channel produces relies on our basic perceptions of stereotypes to create tensions and forge fan bases for one group or another. This is best evidenced in the Amazing Race where the groups are so thoroughly ‘typed’ that every season you can expect a homosexual or lesbian team, an ehtnic team, and a standard ‘white’ couple. This never fails, not in 20 seasons.

So, I want to punch that Sociologist in the face. Why? Because it takes a knowledgeable individual to discern what stereotypes would draw the most viewer market and how pitting certain groups against each other makes for great ratings. These competing teams give each other hashtag nicknames and regular citizens create miles of tweets praising or damning them, all the while remaining completely engaged. This is great for ratings but is also a reinforcement of the stereotypes being projected. The dumb blonde team always uses their looks to get by and we are reminded what ‘those women’ are like.

I get that this is tv–reality tv even. Unfortunately, the idea that people don’t find some truth in television is no longer reliable. We base ourselves around the things we see on tv and online. We watch news shows that cater to our particular perceptions and build a reality that media reinforces, even if it isn’t reality at all.

I wonder if this is the future my kids have to look forward to…

Tonight we held our first sponsored practice courtesy of Believe in It Apparel. I put the team through some new drills and focused on their footwork all practice. Then I put them to the stopwatch and had a look at what they could do under pressure. We’re not ready for the weekend but this practice got us closer. A sponsored practice is different from company to company, but in this instance Believe in It sent us a packet that included wristbands for the entire team and a free shirt for the player that worked hardest in practice. That shirt went to our lone lady who day in and out puts all of her effort into the practice and shows up with authority at the game. People like her make me love what I do.

As the season winds down to the final two games I am a bit sad about the missed teaching opportunities and heartened by the progress our players have made over the season. I wish I could have done better for them and that my mind was completely in the season they way it should have been. At the same time, I view the whole thing as a learning experience that I will keep with me moving forward. We have two games left, which means two more opportunities for each team to excel and come together as a team. Afterwards I get to watch them party and hand out some really special trophies.

Life is good.

Some Thoughts:

1. One revelation from practice this week is that my eldest cannot catch. I knew this but he’s been working on his hands for a year now, trying to get ready for the flag season. He’s been successful in flag but the tackle adjustment has been tough in that respect. Wait till the RB drills….
2. Short shuttles and L drills are in store for friday’s practice. I’m considering trying to create a modification of sharks and minnows that focuses on the ability of a player to ‘stay home’

The house feels incredibly empty when I am alone. It feels haunted, as if I’m waiting for a restless spirit to wander down the staircase for a chat. It hasn’t happened yet, but the house has already played host to lights going on and off and weird noises I’ve never heard before. It could be my imagination finally sliding out of neutral, and if that is the case then yay! It could also be me slowly going crazy… boo.

Outside of being clinically insane, I’m trying to get a lot of work done and burn away this pile of backlog that has built up as of late. In a perfect world this would be the summer and I would have whole days to do my thing. Maybe the reduced time frame is for the best given the ghosts wandering through my psyche and maybe my house…